What constitutes abuse?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: santa clara ca
Posts: 34
What constitutes abuse?
My brother and I were having a conversation about my alcoholic brother and my failed attempts at getting him into a treatment program. We began arguing and my brother said, "You're a f*cking loser, and thats why you were never able to get him help." The words stung and he has since apologized, but I am having a hard time forgiving him. He has been verbally abusive in the past but he claims all guys lose their temper..Advice? I feel like distancing myself from him. Thanks...
I would definitely distance myself from someone who verbally abuses me. No one deserves to be talked to like that. Would you accept that from a stranger? There is no good reason to accept it from a family member, either.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
My brother has never spoken to me this way...
I don't think it's true that all guys are verbally abusive when they are angry, I have known many who are not. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. My axbf was verbally abusive to me on several occasions and it is difficult to get over.
I don't think it's true that all guys are verbally abusive when they are angry, I have known many who are not. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. My axbf was verbally abusive to me on several occasions and it is difficult to get over.
My usual yard-stick is "if a co-worker treated me this way, would it be acceptable?" and it isn't acceptable is it?
It's also an odd choice of words: sure people get angry and frustrated and lose their temper but he wasn't shouting at you to leave him the "f" alone, to shut down the conversation, he was blaming you for your brother not getting help and throwing in some character assassination for good measure.
a bit of distance might not be a bad thing for now? Give you a chance to regroup?
It's also an odd choice of words: sure people get angry and frustrated and lose their temper but he wasn't shouting at you to leave him the "f" alone, to shut down the conversation, he was blaming you for your brother not getting help and throwing in some character assassination for good measure.
a bit of distance might not be a bad thing for now? Give you a chance to regroup?
when I was struggling with was I in an abusive marriage my sponsor asked me "if one of your daughters was living in the exact same situation, being treated the exact same way you are - would you consider it abuse? Would you feel they were being treated respectfully, honorably and with love?"
if not ~ then it might be an abusive relationship?
so if he had spoken to your daughter like that ~ how would you feel?
don't you deserve the same respect?
just my e, s, & h ~
if not ~ then it might be an abusive relationship?
so if he had spoken to your daughter like that ~ how would you feel?
don't you deserve the same respect?
just my e, s, & h ~
What's particularly concerning is not only that he lashes out at you, but then primes you for future abuse by rationalizing why it's totally okay and acceptable for him to cut you off at the knees.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
He's full of crap...
...and as a guy I'm offended by his ********, "guys all lose their temper" excuse for his poor behavior. It's just an excuse and it was an ******* comment on his part.
I am 47, and I have never, ever, ever, said anything like that to any of my five sisters and, frankly, not one of my five sisters would put up with that kind of crap anyway.
He owe's you an apology without excuses. If he's always like this consider that he may not be any better for you to be around than the other brother.
What a jackass.
Cyranoak
I am 47, and I have never, ever, ever, said anything like that to any of my five sisters and, frankly, not one of my five sisters would put up with that kind of crap anyway.
He owe's you an apology without excuses. If he's always like this consider that he may not be any better for you to be around than the other brother.
What a jackass.
Cyranoak
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: santa clara ca
Posts: 34
...and as a guy I'm offended by his ********, "guys all lose their temper" excuse for his poor behavior. It's just an excuse and it was an ******* comment on his part.
I am 47, and I have never, ever, ever, said anything like that to any of my five sisters and, frankly, not one of my five sisters would put up with that kind of crap anyway.
He owe's you an apology without excuses. If he's always like this consider that he may not be any better for you to be around than the other brother.
What a jackass.
Cyranoak
I am 47, and I have never, ever, ever, said anything like that to any of my five sisters and, frankly, not one of my five sisters would put up with that kind of crap anyway.
He owe's you an apology without excuses. If he's always like this consider that he may not be any better for you to be around than the other brother.
What a jackass.
Cyranoak
How dare you comes to mind, and really how dare him.
It's all about his inability to save his brother is my guess.
He can't save him, and either can you. Only difference is, you probably are aware of that, he isn't.
UNEXCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR is unexceptable...
i dont care what it is...verbal? or physical?...its unexceptable...
ps...if you looking for validation on to distance(or boundaries) yourself from anyone (family or friends), you have come to the right place...do what you feel is nessary to YOU to be healthy and sane....
i dont care what it is...verbal? or physical?...its unexceptable...
ps...if you looking for validation on to distance(or boundaries) yourself from anyone (family or friends), you have come to the right place...do what you feel is nessary to YOU to be healthy and sane....
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)