hrich1122

No drinks in almost two weeks and then sat came..... I havnt had many cravings. I did buy a bottle of wine on Monday, convinced I would drink it. And my guilt prevented me from going through with it. I've felt so good about myself, started sleeping better than I can ever remember, waking up before the kids and actually enjoying the morning instead of dreading it. And then sat came.... my husband and all of my neighbors were outside drinking. I came inside and battled with myself for a while. I knew I didn't want to and knew I would immediatley regret it. But I did it anyway. We missed church yesterday because I was too tired and hung over. I feel terrible that I couldn't stop myself. Why didn't I just lay down and go to sleep? I'm so mad a myself! Now here I am...day 2 again!!

Anna

Hi,

I'm sorry you relapsed, but buying wine for yourself is not a good idea. It's really best to keep no alcohol in the house, if possible.

I'm glad you're back.

hrich1122

I have no idea why I bought the darn wine! I should've dumped it! In some strange way I was happy it was sitting in my pantry because I felt like I was doing so well with self control having it there and not even having an urge to drink it. I know...its stupid and crazy. I guess lesson learned. For two weeks I was convinced I would never drink again. I guess that's why I'm so upset wit myself. It just "looked" like everyone else wa having fun and there I was...fighting with myself and being resentful of them.

bbthumper

In my experience the mental obsession with alcohol always wins over our will power. With will power alone, I was absolutely hopeless. It wasnt enough for me. I needed something greater than that to keep me sober. I found immediate and long term relief through the program of AA. Ive been free from alcohol and the desire to drink it for 4 years now. Maybe you can find some relief there too? have you looked into it?

IndaMiricale

You didnt go to sleep because your an alcoholic , so you drank thats what WE DO.

Learn from it, dust yourself off, and get up and put it behind you. I hope you consider working a program , that can teach you and get you thru those sitiuations. Because they are always going to be around. Life happens.

AA helps this alcoholic daily to be joyus , happy, and free.

benice

Sorry to hear abut your fall. Hope you can pick yourself up and start again with a new resolve. I'm too new to offer advice, but I can offer encouragement. WE CAN DO THIS!

hrich1122

Ill check out a local aa. I don't understand why the times are so insane. Most are around 6am. There is a recovery group at my church that I always tell myself ill go to but find myself too embarrased to go. I don't know why because everyone there is just like me. Right? I've realized my problem is, I get too confident in myself and being sober that I convince myself that I have the ability to drink like "normal" people.

Live2Run25

So to hear about this.. I have to agree with Anna though. You really should steer away from tempting yourself with having wine in the house. I know it's hard not to sometimes, but it will REALLY make things harder with it there. Best of luck to you.

bbthumper

Alcoholism is a fatal, progressive illness. If you are convinced of that, is getting to a 6am meeting that could show you how to save your life really all that inconvenient? Dont sell yourself short. Just a thought...

hypochondriac

Sorry you have been struggling Hrich. I found that support and encouragement from other alcoholics is absolutely necessary. Hope you check out that AA meeting x

IndaMiricale

Your First AA Meeting<

Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Most feel scared, ashamsed , ect..... the first time. You wont feel that way after , I garuntee it.

hrich1122

Its not the inconvenience of the time for me atleast. Its because my husband leaves for work at 530 and I have noone that could take my kids at that hour. We moved here with a hope and a prayer. I have few friends and no family. I am in no way making excuses. I get it! I need to do this! My confience has left me. The strong feeling of powr that I had for two weeks is gone.

Anna

Don't forget that there is always someone here at SR and something inspirational to read.

hypochondriac

They're probably that early so that people going to work can make them. Are there any others near you that have different times? In the mean time you could read the Big Book Big Book Online Fourth Edition
Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

or look into some non meeting based methods like AVRT.

I hope you find the help you need x

Dee74

Hi hrich

It's really hard to change a life...many of us faltered a time or two.

Maybe, like others have said, you need to look for more support, whether it's a recovery programme, or counselling, or more time spent here...

I think we also have to look at out idea of fun...regardless of what others do,m we are not like them - sitting around drinking is obviously not fun for us - and as long as you think wistfully about that you're making it harder for yourself.

Fun really is a state of mind - I know you'll get there

I'm glad you're back
D