jwolf

Why do I keep doing this to myself??? I will stop drinking but then ALWAYS go back. It's were I find comfort, peace, happiness, sadness, shame and guilt all at the same time. ARGH!!!!!!!! Drinking just isn't fun anymore! Well, not at first....maybe 6 beers in I start to have fun, or atleast become okay with what I am doing. I used to love going out and "partying" with friends...now that seems like a chore and I'd much rather stay at home and drink and either get on facebook or talk on the phone to a fellow drunk person. This is all so ABSURD!!!! I KNOW what it is doing to me physically, mentally, yet I continue to torture myself. I'm packing on the pounds like crazy, and I am not even eating dinner.....I feel like crap everyday......I am LAZY......My brain is in a fog.....Heck, I'd hate to see my poor liver right now. Oh, and I chain smoke while drinking and I don't even smoke when I am not drinking. HOW DO I STOP THIS MADNESS FOR GOOD??????
:
I will make this one statement and stick to it... "TODAY I WILL NOT DRINK" As I learned in AA, I will say that every morning and hope to stick to it.

jakec

Hey jwolf, sorry to hear you're in a bad place.

Many of us have had 100's of day ones, what's important is that you get back up. You need to ask yourself, do you really want to stop? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to be sober?

I suggest talking to your Dr. if you are experiencing withdrawl, and definitely go to an AA meeting!

Rally2012

had those days, and im having another right now right with you....
i started looking for a community today of people going through the same thing and found this...hopefully we can see day two and three this week! good luck and hope to hear of your success!

Anna

I hope that you are ready to make the changes you need in order to get and stay sober.

hypochondriac

Sorry to hear you're struggling Jwolf x

I had hundreds of day ones, literally. Even though I meant it every time when I said I was never drinking again I would always easily talk myself back into it. When I came here I learnt about AVRT and that was my saving grace. Just learning not to engage with that voice in my head has been enough to keep me sober so far. Oh, that and SR Have you joined a 'Class of...' thread before?

I hope you find what you need x

jwolf

rally 2012, congrats on your day one! I just joined August 2012, have you joined it yet? We can do this!!!

jakec & anna, yes! I am willing to do whatever it takes to stop.

hypochondriac, what does AVRT stand for? I'll go look that up right now.

Zee

Hi jwolf
Could I make a friendly suggestion. Please go and see your doctor and have a liver function test. I'm not trying to scare you, but I was drinking every day and not eating. I won't go into details about what happened to me, but I think you should go. Unfortunately I got a swift kick up the backside to get me sober. Good luck.

seanie1888

Pick a recovery program jwolf and give it your all.

All the best

bbthumper

I got sober through AA 4 years ago. Living and loving life because of it. I can tell you that telling yourself that you wont drink today can be helpful for some, but it is not the program of AA. If you are taking the AA route and if you really want relief, not temporary, but permanent relief, consider getting involved with the 12 steps of AA.

I wish you the best.

ACT10Npack

Seem to me that you need to learn to take the highs and low in life. Feeling something was always hard for me to do when sober but when I drink, it will all come in at once and it would feel great. Need to learn how to deal with that. It's hard and scary but if you can't deal with that then you may will always go back to alcohol.

hypochondriac

Addictive Voice Recognition Technique. Google the crash course or get the book Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction by Jack Trimpey. There is lots of good info in the Secular Connections forum here too.

Oh, and I told a total lie in my last post. AVRT was really good at keeping me sober, but it hasn't been all the help I need. I go to AA too. And got an addiction counsellor... Sorry, I should have mentioned them too I know people say you should pick a recovery program and stick with it but I'm fickle...

Just get whatever help you can find and need Jwolf x

IndaMiricale

If you learned that in AA, then you were taught to get on your knees and pray for it first thing in the morning and thank your HP at night for it.

AA helped this alcoholic stop that same very madness, and fill it full of joy. And life is busy and good giving back.

Sorry your struggling, you can be free, routing for you.

Live2Run25

You can do this. You just have to be really ready for this. It's hard to think about, but for me, I was ruining a lot by drinking, and that was enough motivation for me to stop. Hopefully something will click with you and you can move on from drinking!

Bruno1979

Jwolf,

Your situation sounds very similar to how I was,

Its utter madness, especially how the drinking doesn't seem good until you've had around 6 and then it seems ok. I've been there. Also the talking to other drunk people on the phone, I also used to love that too. Then the hangover the next day, feeling guilty and then throughout the day coming to terms with it and then the cycle starts again.

Good luck Jwolf,

You're in the right place,

Bruno.

jwolf

Thanks guys! I do need to get back into AA. The AVRT thing sound pretty interesting too. I printed out some info about it that I am gonna read later. And good news is I AM NOT DRINKING TONIGHT!!! It feels so good!!!

Inca

I feel your pain and know how frustrating and hopeless it feels to want to stop, know you need to stop, but continue to go at it again. Everytime I take a good hard look at what I'm not doing and then change my tactics. This last time I realized that although I was working the aa program, I wasn't really "working it". I was doing the same things time and time again and expecting different results. I needed to completely fill my days, go to a meeting EVERY day, come on here, surround myself with positive people in the program, call my sponsor more than once a week, show up for people, look for ways to
give, practice taking action, be thankful for what I have, and pick up the phone and call people. These are things that people told me to do all along but I thought I could do it my way. So far this new approach is working...I guess my point is, shake up what you're doing because whatever you're doing isn't working. It's taken me a long time to recognize this, as in years

Rally2012

day 2..up early, no hangover...fixed breakfast for the ole lady...gym a little later! good day!

lilyrosemary

madness...sums it up. at the end of my drinking, pill taking, i would wake up feeling horrible. sick in the stomach, tired, shame, depression. what would i do approx. 6 hours later?....the exact same thing that created that mess in me. addiction is pure and utter hell on earth. anyway, i gave it all away 2.5 years ago. for me, it took in patient rehab and i have no desire to use anymore. i wish you the very best and i hope you find what works for you. God bless!