its a sad day for me to admit my faults
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1
its a sad day for me to admit my faults
Hello, my name is Julian and I have come to terms that I am an alcoholic, I am weak from my needs to get **** faced. I lie to say i need it to sleep, Alcohol has given me a venue to forget that I have severe high blood pressure, Chronic fatigue, severe depression and anxiety.. I have tried all forms of methods to quit but last only one night...i average a 12 pack a day and 2 packs of a cigarettes...is there any help available . I can not continue this was of life since the age of 14. I am a closet drinker who hides everything...so any advise you have I will take it and please dont say quit cold turkey....im not that strong
thanks
thanks
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
I am just starting sobriety so I don't have much advice to offer except that I have read on here that you should seek medical help to get you detoxed safely. I have found a lot of support here and you will too. Hang in there and keep reading and posting here (hugs)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Hi Julian, welcome to SR.
I've drank in the closet, garage, out of the trunk of my car, and even in the bath while leaving the water running pretending I was taking a shower. I've drank in fancy establishments and the lowest dives I could find, yet never found whatever it was that I was looking for in the bottle. I thought I was looking for self-assurance, courage, self-respect, dignity, or any other quality I felt was missing in my life. What I found was pure misery most of the time, and self-degradation all the time. I felt lower than gum on a sidewalk that sticks to your shoe on a hot summer day.
The struggle toward sobriety and self acceptance has been an exhausting dance with my own insane thoughts that want me to self-destruct. I lied to everyone I know but lied to myself the most. I still have to watch myself lest I slide right back into the thinking that kept me drinking.
Be kind to yourself and accept that none of us have all the answers, so listen to everyone you can till you find something that fits your needs. There are answers out there, but as the old saying goes, you must seek to find.
Welcome to SR.
I've drank in the closet, garage, out of the trunk of my car, and even in the bath while leaving the water running pretending I was taking a shower. I've drank in fancy establishments and the lowest dives I could find, yet never found whatever it was that I was looking for in the bottle. I thought I was looking for self-assurance, courage, self-respect, dignity, or any other quality I felt was missing in my life. What I found was pure misery most of the time, and self-degradation all the time. I felt lower than gum on a sidewalk that sticks to your shoe on a hot summer day.
The struggle toward sobriety and self acceptance has been an exhausting dance with my own insane thoughts that want me to self-destruct. I lied to everyone I know but lied to myself the most. I still have to watch myself lest I slide right back into the thinking that kept me drinking.
Be kind to yourself and accept that none of us have all the answers, so listen to everyone you can till you find something that fits your needs. There are answers out there, but as the old saying goes, you must seek to find.
Welcome to SR.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,475
Hi Julian,
I also self-medicated with alcohol and I know it's an easy trap to fall into. And, I was always a closet drinker which was quite exhausting.
Honestly, quitting cold turkey is the way to go. I think many of us here have tried cutting back and it never works for very long. For me, I always ended up drinking more in the end. Of course, it's a good idea to talk to your dr because detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous. But, you can stop. Each day you get through will make you stronger. There is lots of support here, so keep reading and posting.
I also self-medicated with alcohol and I know it's an easy trap to fall into. And, I was always a closet drinker which was quite exhausting.
Honestly, quitting cold turkey is the way to go. I think many of us here have tried cutting back and it never works for very long. For me, I always ended up drinking more in the end. Of course, it's a good idea to talk to your dr because detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous. But, you can stop. Each day you get through will make you stronger. There is lots of support here, so keep reading and posting.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Julian,
I was the same as you, but likely worse as I had decades and at the end, the last two years, I was drinking 30-40 units a day from wake up to pass out. I had to have scotch in my coffee and hold it with two hands from the morning hangover shaking. No one can taper off, and the pills weren't the answer for me either. I too would say I was going to quit every day of those last two years and never made it past my coffee in the morning. I smoked three packs a day and was a wreck!
I was trapped, and never hid anything, but my tolerance was so high, I was drinking to be "normal." I never stumbled or slurred, didn't drive except for mornings with a doc appointment. I could not stop. I swore if I could ever break free nothing would entice me to be trapped again.
So I told my doc how bad it had become. And we found I qualified for a VA in hospital medical detox. That was all I needed. To have an easy and safe detox. That was two years ago next month.
See if you can get into a medical detox and follow on 28 day rehab. I never looked back because I knew I could make it, and also because I honestly don't think I would survive a relapse.
We all had to do things differently. We all tried doing the same things over and over that didn't work before, and expected different results.
I was willing to do whatever it took, no conditions.
Are you willing to do whatever it takes too?
I was the same as you, but likely worse as I had decades and at the end, the last two years, I was drinking 30-40 units a day from wake up to pass out. I had to have scotch in my coffee and hold it with two hands from the morning hangover shaking. No one can taper off, and the pills weren't the answer for me either. I too would say I was going to quit every day of those last two years and never made it past my coffee in the morning. I smoked three packs a day and was a wreck!
I was trapped, and never hid anything, but my tolerance was so high, I was drinking to be "normal." I never stumbled or slurred, didn't drive except for mornings with a doc appointment. I could not stop. I swore if I could ever break free nothing would entice me to be trapped again.
So I told my doc how bad it had become. And we found I qualified for a VA in hospital medical detox. That was all I needed. To have an easy and safe detox. That was two years ago next month.
See if you can get into a medical detox and follow on 28 day rehab. I never looked back because I knew I could make it, and also because I honestly don't think I would survive a relapse.
We all had to do things differently. We all tried doing the same things over and over that didn't work before, and expected different results.
I was willing to do whatever it took, no conditions.
Are you willing to do whatever it takes too?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters 
Hello Julian:
Alcoholics Anonymous has enabled me to get sober and stay sober... might just be the ticket for you as well.
All the best.
Bob R
Alcoholics Anonymous has enabled me to get sober and stay sober... might just be the ticket for you as well.
All the best.
Bob R
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,378
Welcome to SR Derp - you'll find a lot of support here 
I always suggest people see their Drs first. Be honest with them...see what they suggest.
Are you open to the idea of face to face support too - AA or one of the non 12 step programmes?
D
I always suggest people see their Drs first. Be honest with them...see what they suggest.
Are you open to the idea of face to face support too - AA or one of the non 12 step programmes?
D
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
I was 40 by the time I really wanted to quit, and saw a doctor for the first time other than detox. Since I was a teen. I found out my BP was 158/110 and clorestrol was 510 
When detoxing of course my BP was even higher. I got on meds, put down the drink, watched a little better on the ol food that I was eating, working out. Thanks to AA this morning,day,and night drinker for 20 years, learned to put it down and start living and actually growing.
A couple months ago, I had a follow up and BP is 115/81.
You can be free.
When detoxing of course my BP was even higher. I got on meds, put down the drink, watched a little better on the ol food that I was eating, working out. Thanks to AA this morning,day,and night drinker for 20 years, learned to put it down and start living and actually growing.
A couple months ago, I had a follow up and BP is 115/81.
You can be free.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Julian, welcome to SR, good to have you here. It was suggested to you that CT is the way you will one day stop drinking, and the accumulated wisdom here is exactly that. Tapering to zero and moderation are both wagers with stunningly poor odds and the highest of stakes.
Do get some medical advice, your Dr. can help you with withdrawal symptoms, and these symptoms are nothing to mess with.
Maybe a 12 step program will be your answer. I looked into every avenue, did my research, and decided that 12 steps did not hold what I was looking for. Instead, I decided that I could learn how to make my decision to stop drinking work and do it 'on my own', just as most people do it. I learned that I had the ability to stop this madness, so I did it.
What ever you decide to do, your success will depend on the strength of your conviction. You can do this, folks do it every day. Keep posting here, there is a lot of support here for you. No more derp for you, but it is up to you.
Do get some medical advice, your Dr. can help you with withdrawal symptoms, and these symptoms are nothing to mess with.
Maybe a 12 step program will be your answer. I looked into every avenue, did my research, and decided that 12 steps did not hold what I was looking for. Instead, I decided that I could learn how to make my decision to stop drinking work and do it 'on my own', just as most people do it. I learned that I had the ability to stop this madness, so I did it.
What ever you decide to do, your success will depend on the strength of your conviction. You can do this, folks do it every day. Keep posting here, there is a lot of support here for you. No more derp for you, but it is up to you.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Julian -
Admitting we have a problem and reaching out for help is one of the hardest things to do - we've all been there and understand how you're feeling.
I also drank to deal with depression and anxiety, not realizing that alcohol makes it ten times worse. It became a vicious cycle that I couldn't get out of on my own. This forum gave me the support I needed to turn things around.
I feel like I can deal with life again.
Welcome to the family!
Admitting we have a problem and reaching out for help is one of the hardest things to do - we've all been there and understand how you're feeling.
I also drank to deal with depression and anxiety, not realizing that alcohol makes it ten times worse. It became a vicious cycle that I couldn't get out of on my own. This forum gave me the support I needed to turn things around.
I feel like I can deal with life again.
Welcome to the family!
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