So many questions......
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
So many questions......
When someone is caught with drugs in rehab, they are usually automatically kicked out. Right?
Yet, why aren't they arrested? My son is on probation and he was not even violated. I don't understand!!
Yeah, send him home where he wants to be....not juvie! What is the deterrent. (not that I think juvie is a real deterrent but...sending him home is enabling at its finest, IMO)
I am so confused and frustrated as I walk down the path of every mother's nightmare.
Also, my 16 yr son has smoked pot, K2 and taken a few pain killers a few times (that I know of). I do believe he has an addictive personality but is he a user or an addict? I don't know what he is..is he AS or son?? I believe he is an addict in the making but I do not believe his mind is rewired by addiction yet. I hope this makes sense.....I am just so confused by addiction.
I always believed that some kids experiment and that's all it is....and it's "typical" My friends and I were some of them. Now, I hear the word weed and I almost break out in hives. Has addiction become more prevalent or was I living under a rock??
Yet, why aren't they arrested? My son is on probation and he was not even violated. I don't understand!!
Yeah, send him home where he wants to be....not juvie! What is the deterrent. (not that I think juvie is a real deterrent but...sending him home is enabling at its finest, IMO)
I am so confused and frustrated as I walk down the path of every mother's nightmare.
Also, my 16 yr son has smoked pot, K2 and taken a few pain killers a few times (that I know of). I do believe he has an addictive personality but is he a user or an addict? I don't know what he is..is he AS or son?? I believe he is an addict in the making but I do not believe his mind is rewired by addiction yet. I hope this makes sense.....I am just so confused by addiction.
I always believed that some kids experiment and that's all it is....and it's "typical" My friends and I were some of them. Now, I hear the word weed and I almost break out in hives. Has addiction become more prevalent or was I living under a rock??
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
MORE prevalent?
All I know is addiction was not an issue in my life.I guess I WAS living under a rock.
Never touched me,or anyone in my extended family.Had no idea about it at all except
a vague feeling of ......if it's a problem,why don't they just STOP?
Now,touch the subject---and I won't shut up!
I think it's more like when someone gets a certain kind of illness/cancer.The day
BEFORE they were diagnosed,they couldn't care less.The day AFTER----EVERYBODY
has to get 'awareness' (translation:get their ear talked off ad infinitum)
That's the way I've been whenever the subject comes up (addiction).
But I am getting over it.
No contact is a lifesaver.
All I know is addiction was not an issue in my life.I guess I WAS living under a rock.
Never touched me,or anyone in my extended family.Had no idea about it at all except
a vague feeling of ......if it's a problem,why don't they just STOP?
Now,touch the subject---and I won't shut up!
I think it's more like when someone gets a certain kind of illness/cancer.The day
BEFORE they were diagnosed,they couldn't care less.The day AFTER----EVERYBODY
has to get 'awareness' (translation:get their ear talked off ad infinitum)
That's the way I've been whenever the subject comes up (addiction).
But I am getting over it.
No contact is a lifesaver.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 598
People will call what teenagers do as "experimenting" but that is only true if it is the one time--not repeatedly. When my son was a teenager and starting to drink and abuse drugs, there was nothing experimental about it. My husband would blow it off as normal teenage behavior when I would express concern.
After three years of "experimenting" we found a drug abuse program for teens. Your younger son might benefit from such a group. There was a parent group, too, that met when the kids met.
After three years of "experimenting" we found a drug abuse program for teens. Your younger son might benefit from such a group. There was a parent group, too, that met when the kids met.
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by kmangel 
People will call what teenagers do as "experimenting" but that is only true if it is the one time--not repeatedly. When my son was a teenager and starting to drink and abuse drugs, there was nothing experimental about it. My husband would blow it off as normal teenage behavior when I would express concern.
After three years of "experimenting" we found a drug abuse program for teens. Your younger son might benefit from such a group. There was a parent group, too, that met when the kids met.
After three years of "experimenting" we found a drug abuse program for teens. Your younger son might benefit from such a group. There was a parent group, too, that met when the kids met.
In some cases, I think your husband is correct. Problem is...how do you know which kid will get addicted? I really believe the harm in "experimenting" has to do with the particular kid and their genes/chemical make up. But geesh, wouldn't NO experimenting be nice??
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 598
It is normal behavior if it doesn't escalate. My son wound up addicted to heroin as an adult, not a teenager, but before that day came around so many of his friends he began using with either died from an OD or committed suicide. I didn't lose any friends to death so young. That alone has to mess with a person's mind--though it didn't cause him to stop abusing drugs.
I feel for you. I am glad I only had one son travel down addiction road. So many parents struggle with having more than one child making such bad decisions with their lives. My eldest son could have become an alcoholic, though. He told me he drank a lot when he first moved away from home. Eventually he got to a place where his life was too unmanageable and he stopped over indulging himself. No need for AA or rehab or anything like that. He just stopped spending all his money on beer. He must not have the same gene his brother has. There is alcoholism on my husband's side of the family. I think there is a genetic link. Maybe it skipped our one son.
I feel for you. I am glad I only had one son travel down addiction road. So many parents struggle with having more than one child making such bad decisions with their lives. My eldest son could have become an alcoholic, though. He told me he drank a lot when he first moved away from home. Eventually he got to a place where his life was too unmanageable and he stopped over indulging himself. No need for AA or rehab or anything like that. He just stopped spending all his money on beer. He must not have the same gene his brother has. There is alcoholism on my husband's side of the family. I think there is a genetic link. Maybe it skipped our one son.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 598
Originally Posted by Vale
MORE prevalent?
All I know is addiction was not an issue in my life.I guess I WAS living under a rock.
Never touched me,or anyone in my extended family..
All I know is addiction was not an issue in my life.I guess I WAS living under a rock.
Never touched me,or anyone in my extended family..
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by kmangel
It is normal behavior if it doesn't escalate. My son wound up addicted to heroin as an adult, not a teenager, but before that day came around so many of his friends he began using with either died from an OD or committed suicide. I didn't lose any friends to death so young. That alone has to mess with a person's mind--though it didn't cause him to stop abusing drugs.
I feel for you. I am glad I only had one son travel down addiction road. So many parents struggle with having more than one child making such bad decisions with their lives. My eldest son could have become an alcoholic, though. He told me he drank a lot when he first moved away from home. Eventually he got to a place where his life was too unmanageable and he stopped over indulging himself. No need for AA or rehab or anything like that. He just stopped spending all his money on beer. He must not have the same gene his brother has. There is alcoholism on my husband's side of the family. I think there is a genetic link. Maybe it skipped our one son.
I feel for you. I am glad I only had one son travel down addiction road. So many parents struggle with having more than one child making such bad decisions with their lives. My eldest son could have become an alcoholic, though. He told me he drank a lot when he first moved away from home. Eventually he got to a place where his life was too unmanageable and he stopped over indulging himself. No need for AA or rehab or anything like that. He just stopped spending all his money on beer. He must not have the same gene his brother has. There is alcoholism on my husband's side of the family. I think there is a genetic link. Maybe it skipped our one son.
My son has shown addictive behaviors for years, I just didn't know what the name for it was. He has addiction on both sides (biomom and father). My daughter, his bio sister, has experimented a very little. I am praying it was just "typical" kid stuff. She is far more balanced then he ever was and we have got him soooo much help.
I think of addiction as some form of mutation from alcholism.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
What should they be arrested?
Is your son an addict, only time will tell. You can label him either way and neither will help him, it is what he sees of himself, his why’s for using…
And you shouldn’t treat him any different if he is or isn’t. Always see him as capable.
I don’t do the gateway drug thing, there will still in my head be an issue before the drugs. Some will use and either walk away or get hooked, some won’t use at all and some will go out looking for.
For me drugs were survival, I went looking.
And more prevalent, no just more spoken about now. I still shake my head when the news talks of the pill epidemic, where the hell was everyone in the late 70's and 80's ??? There were so many pretty colors, you could go up, down, out of you mind, find a nice coma.
One difference from then to now, purity...
Heroin is pure, wasn't then that is why one could only shoot up. The fear of the needle then most likely curbed the addiction rates.
Cocaine, purity always varied ... but with crack, we do the freebasing for you, much stronger.
Methamphetamine a toxic waste dump now...I am not sure if it is better than good old crank, but it sure as hell is not something anyone should be putting in their body,
THC levels are much higher in pot now...kids get hooked faster...
And using as a teen has some huge dangers too it because the brain is still developing...
And in the end behavior, behavior, behavior is the best indication of what is up.
Is your son an addict, only time will tell. You can label him either way and neither will help him, it is what he sees of himself, his why’s for using…
And you shouldn’t treat him any different if he is or isn’t. Always see him as capable.
I don’t do the gateway drug thing, there will still in my head be an issue before the drugs. Some will use and either walk away or get hooked, some won’t use at all and some will go out looking for.
For me drugs were survival, I went looking.
And more prevalent, no just more spoken about now. I still shake my head when the news talks of the pill epidemic, where the hell was everyone in the late 70's and 80's ??? There were so many pretty colors, you could go up, down, out of you mind, find a nice coma.
One difference from then to now, purity...
Heroin is pure, wasn't then that is why one could only shoot up. The fear of the needle then most likely curbed the addiction rates.
Cocaine, purity always varied ... but with crack, we do the freebasing for you, much stronger.
Methamphetamine a toxic waste dump now...I am not sure if it is better than good old crank, but it sure as hell is not something anyone should be putting in their body,
THC levels are much higher in pot now...kids get hooked faster...
And using as a teen has some huge dangers too it because the brain is still developing...
And in the end behavior, behavior, behavior is the best indication of what is up.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
I don't understand either I went through that with my oldest son when he was in juvie and IMO yes if caught with drugs on, one in rehab they should be arrested one is arrested if caught with drugs on them elsewhere.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
I was a blackout drinker by age 12, met an end at 18. In between it all I could tell an interesting story of the view, of my whys, the levels down and what I learned along the way that never helped just served a purpose to not only to keep me trapped and help my progression on to harder drugs but made me smarter, sneakier, a master manipulator, which I still see myself as being taught to be. The reactions become the best teaching tool…
I picked up again at 39 , it was like embracing an old friend that you haven’t seen in years and I could breath. Everything was finally clear with the chaos removed ( hmm sounds sick doesn‘t it?)
But then there is sickness from point A to B.
Have no idea when I stopped, but it has been at least 4 years I think. But I do know why I did, because there was no need anymore, it just wasn't necessary.
And my question back does it matter what I am?
This was important for me, something that was a driving force behind my recovery. To be just me, to be able to accept who I am, what I am, make peace and be able to be the best me I can be, labels removed, the perceptions of others removed...
I picked up again at 39 , it was like embracing an old friend that you haven’t seen in years and I could breath. Everything was finally clear with the chaos removed ( hmm sounds sick doesn‘t it?)
But then there is sickness from point A to B.
Have no idea when I stopped, but it has been at least 4 years I think. But I do know why I did, because there was no need anymore, it just wasn't necessary.
And my question back does it matter what I am?
This was important for me, something that was a driving force behind my recovery. To be just me, to be able to accept who I am, what I am, make peace and be able to be the best me I can be, labels removed, the perceptions of others removed...
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
My answer would be - Doesn't matter who you are in terms of "labels" Just curious about where your insight come from.
BTW, you asked me "Are you sure your not an addict?" I had no idea where that question came from. But my answer would be this.....I have many addictions. Nicotine, Diet Coke and sadly my husband, my addict!! But I have never been addicted to drugs and alcohol, although I have done my share of "partying" in the day. So my answer is NO, I am not an addict.
I have quit smoking and I am working on my codependency issues. It didn't happen over night, it is a process and I am trying to find me again. I allowed myself to become so unhealthy and didn't really understand that I was.
I believed he could just stop and when he did, everything would be "perfect" again. (how naive and sick is that?)
BTW, you asked me "Are you sure your not an addict?" I had no idea where that question came from. But my answer would be this.....I have many addictions. Nicotine, Diet Coke and sadly my husband, my addict!! But I have never been addicted to drugs and alcohol, although I have done my share of "partying" in the day. So my answer is NO, I am not an addict.
I have quit smoking and I am working on my codependency issues. It didn't happen over night, it is a process and I am trying to find me again. I allowed myself to become so unhealthy and didn't really understand that I was.
I believed he could just stop and when he did, everything would be "perfect" again. (how naive and sick is that?)
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
When someone is caught with drugs in rehab, they are usually automatically kicked out. Right?
Yet, why aren't they arrested? My son is on probation and he was not even violated. I don't understand!!
Yet, why aren't they arrested? My son is on probation and he was not even violated. I don't understand!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
The question probably came from me based on how much your codieness was shining in the moment 
I do see codependency as an addiction. I have also posed the question in certain circles of which is worse being codie or addicted to drugs …
It boggles my mind the levels down I went just because my husband was using heroin. All the power I gave away and how sick I let myself become …
And then I started drinking and blamed it all on him … how cool that worked out.
What a messed up ride, I wouldn’t dare change a thing.
It is a wonderful road to look within, it really is. It gives us something that we never get outwardly. And it is an awesome gift to our children to get healthy.
I know you have a lot of questions, and it all seems confusing, but it only tends to make sense looking within, within is always where the answers will be. You don’t have to agree and aren’t suppose to like how the circumstance around you play out, all the time. It is what it is and while I do think there is some reason for how it all plays out I don’t believe we will always be privileged to have those reasons.
But what you do have to do is take care of you, seek out your answers and you even can seek out a make sense in other areas but don’t get to hung up there…it is normal but can be to easy a distraction to take the focus off of what know you need to do for you….
I do see codependency as an addiction. I have also posed the question in certain circles of which is worse being codie or addicted to drugs …
It boggles my mind the levels down I went just because my husband was using heroin. All the power I gave away and how sick I let myself become …
And then I started drinking and blamed it all on him … how cool that worked out.
What a messed up ride, I wouldn’t dare change a thing.
It is a wonderful road to look within, it really is. It gives us something that we never get outwardly. And it is an awesome gift to our children to get healthy.
I know you have a lot of questions, and it all seems confusing, but it only tends to make sense looking within, within is always where the answers will be. You don’t have to agree and aren’t suppose to like how the circumstance around you play out, all the time. It is what it is and while I do think there is some reason for how it all plays out I don’t believe we will always be privileged to have those reasons.
But what you do have to do is take care of you, seek out your answers and you even can seek out a make sense in other areas but don’t get to hung up there…it is normal but can be to easy a distraction to take the focus off of what know you need to do for you….
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