Innerchild

I moved to another town into my own apartment a few days ago. I am grateful I have a beautiful apartment but now I am living alone more access to AA meetings but more access to liqour stores too. I am closer to my sponsor now but further away from the network I developed I am oon the ball of creating a new network even though adjusting to new meetings and a new environment is hard.

I have been going to two meetings per day the three days ive been here and I share that I am new in town and what has been working for me. I share to stay sober, I also asked this one meeting if any commitments were open and potentially a coffee commitment soon. I will take it take anything. I will go to any lengths to stay sober.

I have this awful fear of drinking. I do not have an obsession to drink I ask God to remove my obsession to drink and my fears twice a day. I have this fear Ill pick up again its scaring me. I know I am powerless and if I picked up a drink it will only get worse I know that I must stay sober and fight for my sobriety.

Has anyone else had this fear of the day when you start craving a drink that you may pick up or am I just weird lol?

This reminds me I must pray its a must for me

MemphisBlues

Hey, IC. I'm not sure how much time you've chalked up -- and I really don't think time is a qualitative measurement of sobriety -- but the longer you stay in the program, the fear of cravings diminishes.

At least that's the way it has been for me. My biggest fear is how I would handle a crisis; that's when the first thought that comes to my mind is booze. Booze provided me that one emotion I could handle -- complete apathy -- and has the ability to negate negative emotions. My entire nervous system is wired to be medicated whenever it ramps up.

I struggle doing the steps, and am stalled at steps 8 and 9, but going through steps 1 through 7 was pivotal in removing the obsession to drink.

I'm not sure where you are at in step work with your sponsor. I do believe one thing -- meeting makers make, well, meetings, and I'm not quite sure why your sobriety hinges on attending multiple meetings in a day. I did do that, hitting more than 120 meetings in my first 90 days of attending AA (I was "sober" for about three months before stumbling in the rooms, and then hit a morning and an evening meeting).

And about the praying for the elimination of cravings. You said you do it twice a day. I shoot prayers up wherever they go about every 15 minutes! The whole praying concept is still foreign to me.

One thing that was crucial for me was to hang with others in the program longer than me, going to lunch or dinner or just for coffee after the meetings. It's a way to build relationships with others and provides one more phone number to call when things start going sideways.

Innerchild

God keeps me sober so I do a lot of prayer and meditation. The thought I may pick up a drink again scares me I do not have the every day obsession. I am working on Step 4 and looking forward to completing it along with Step 5 as I hear in the rooms it helps keep people sober as long as they are honest. I trust my sponsor and I will be very honest I have no fear of doing a complete honest inventory. I enjoy going to meetings and when I can I will hit one or two a day.

IndaMiricale

Sounds like your doing everything you need to be .

Keep it up, and stay on the beam.

CraigA

You are handling this in a healthy way. You have some big changes in front of yoyu and you kicked up your meetings, shared that you are new in town (so people know who you are), praying, asking for help. It thought does diminish as time goes on but remember you have alot of change and that is when that using thought might try to take advantage.

Sounds like you have a natural fear of using which is good, making you work that program. You have a good connection with God and that is extremely important. Keep working the steps, fellowship with your new sober friends and your sponsor, and give advice to the new comers here on SR. You are doing what you want to do- staying sober!!! God Bless you and keep coming back!!!!

DAB

My demons actually convince me that I want to start again and that I am choosing what will make me happy. By the time I do drink I have no fears and no regrets.
Then the downward spiral begins.
I thank God often for my sobriety, and try to keep my head in the right space.
If I can keep the serenity, I can keep my sobriety.

ReadyAndAble

I've had nightmares about drinking. Scary stuff. I am never going to drink again, but hey, it's not like that erases the memory of the abyss, ya know?

Fear was an effective motivator for me in the short term, but always failed in the long run. Sooner or later my fears would fade, as DAB observed. I found gratitude to be much more reliable (not to mention enjoyable). There's also a steadiness and sense of purpose in the knowledge that I'm doing the right thing, living as I should. That knowledge helps me hold true even when the winds howl.

tomsteve

welll, yeah, yer prolly weird, but not because of what ya mention.
i would get these lil fear attacks thinkin i will pick up without realizing it.
what i leanred is that i cant control what thoughts go into my head, but i can control my actions.

just today i was at the store and the man in front of me was buying a 5th of tequila. now, i only drank tequila once, on my 21st birthday. i got extremely drunk, violently sick, had a hangover for 3 days, and it actually tasted like stale ass,IMO.
but the thought crossed my mind," ya know, that might actually taste good."
i started toying with it for less than a minute, then i caught myself and started laughin."tom, you are still a sick man!" i told myself. so a prayer to the Boss Man. He did for me what i couldnt do for myself, and thats to see the insanity of just a "taste."
give it T.I.M.E., keep goin to meetings( you can never go to too many, but you can go to too few), work the steps, and keep prayin. it will get easier.

and if ya really wanna make coffee, find out who makes it and tell em it tastes like crap. the job will be yours.

Innerchild

ha ha Tomsteve, I laughed at your comment if you really want a commitment tell the coffee maker their coffee tastes like crap lol. I have a bunch of meetings in town I can ask for a committment. When I asked the Chair at one of the meetings he told me to ask my sponsor first I was like are you kidding she wants me to take up a commitment! Thanks its good to know what people with long term sobriety can have that fleeting thought. Its true we can control our actions.

I am weird and I like being unique :rotfxko

Thanks for all your positive support and yes gratitide can keep us sober I practise it everyday. Sorry I cant respond to everyone I have no idea how to use that quote thing I am slow lol.

All I know is today I am sober and I am happy living a sober life. I can get up in the morning drink my coffee without being sick, I do not have to be ashamed of what I did or said last night and I can be productive.

Thank you God I am sober!

heath480

That says it all,good news innerchild and congratulations on your new home.