We left him at home
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
We left him at home
I did, we did.. Left hubs at home while me and the kiddos are at the river to enjoy something about this miserable summer heat. Before leaving him at home, I visited my cousin and her husband (best friend) last night about hubs issue, the fact he wants to be alone to think/pray/read, so he says, and the danger medically he could be facing. Cousin-in-law promised to check in on him and offer support to my hubby. I felt better leaving today after that conversation.
This morning we got around loaded the car and hubby and I went to a quick lunch together; it was nice. He still has tremors after 3 days of not drinking. At times more shaky than others. He opened up some more to me about when he thought his drinking became serious. He believes it to have been a year and a half to two years ago. He believes stress started triggering the desire until one day he found he couldn't go without it any longer if he was going to function "normal" throughout his day. I told him he needed outside help. He responded by saying he would like to try it first on his own because he knows a family friend, much older than us, who did it on their own, so he wants to give it a try. He said he may fail, and if he does, he promises to seek professional help.
I'm going along with this plan while he takes this weekend to do some life planning of his own. Until he fails I will be thinking about and writing down what my boundaries are, as I've read so many of you talk about.
Also, on the ride to the country, I filled my children in on everything. And as I thought, it wasn't a surprise to them that their dad is an alcoholic. One said that they had already thought he was because they had seen him a few times at 4 a.m. with a drink. I didn't even know he was drinking at 4 in he morning! I told the boys it wasn't anyone's fault other than their fathers for making poor decisions on how to handle daily stress.
Thanks for listening and for all the wonderful thought provoking comments and advice.
Katchie
This morning we got around loaded the car and hubby and I went to a quick lunch together; it was nice. He still has tremors after 3 days of not drinking. At times more shaky than others. He opened up some more to me about when he thought his drinking became serious. He believes it to have been a year and a half to two years ago. He believes stress started triggering the desire until one day he found he couldn't go without it any longer if he was going to function "normal" throughout his day. I told him he needed outside help. He responded by saying he would like to try it first on his own because he knows a family friend, much older than us, who did it on their own, so he wants to give it a try. He said he may fail, and if he does, he promises to seek professional help.
I'm going along with this plan while he takes this weekend to do some life planning of his own. Until he fails I will be thinking about and writing down what my boundaries are, as I've read so many of you talk about.
Also, on the ride to the country, I filled my children in on everything. And as I thought, it wasn't a surprise to them that their dad is an alcoholic. One said that they had already thought he was because they had seen him a few times at 4 a.m. with a drink. I didn't even know he was drinking at 4 in he morning! I told the boys it wasn't anyone's fault other than their fathers for making poor decisions on how to handle daily stress.
Thanks for listening and for all the wonderful thought provoking comments and advice.
Katchie
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
My first reaction to this post is how beautifully, once again, it underlines the fact that the kids ALWAYS know more about what goes on in the home than adults generally assume. When something is wrong, they sense it. Because they are such sponges, they absorb everything in the atmosphere---the good and the bad. I found that was true of my own (now grown) kids, also!
Katchie, I found that reading everything that I could get my hands on about the nature of alcoholism and co-dependency helped me enormously in the beginning. The more you are armed with knowledge, the easier this will be for you.
I think you made a good move to inform the kids (even though they already knew) because they will probably feel more free to share their feelings with you in the future.
It is a family disease, and yoiu deserve all the support you can get.
dandylion.
Katchie, I found that reading everything that I could get my hands on about the nature of alcoholism and co-dependency helped me enormously in the beginning. The more you are armed with knowledge, the easier this will be for you.
I think you made a good move to inform the kids (even though they already knew) because they will probably feel more free to share their feelings with you in the future.
It is a family disease, and yoiu deserve all the support you can get.
dandylion.
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