MsAprilJ

I am really beating myself up right now..... I am so disgusted with my last performance. I had made it two weeks and was starting to feel really good. Then I gave in to my AV with all of its irrationalization! Nothing too terrible happened the first couple of nights but last night was probably my lowest point EVER! I completely humiliated myself and my boyfriend at a work dinner. Then I stormed off and later was found passed out on the side of the road! I couldn't even tell the person who found me where I lived! By the grace of god, the woman who found me got me home safely. Today, I am too "sick" to go to work. I am so ashamed of myself. This really is an all time low. For the two weeks that I quit, I did it on my own and utilized this site for support. I think I need to step it up and get to an AA meeting. I am also looking into some treatment options because I don't think I can do this on my own. I am considering a 30 day rehab or maybe an intense outpatient program. I think treatment would be really helpful for me to jumpstart my recovery process. I just feel so lost and so alone right now. I have never had success finding a sponsor at AA. How does one get a sponsor? I feel like if I had a sponsor I would be more likely to stick to it and actually work the program. I have to do something because I certainly cannot go on living this way! Anyway, I know this is kind of a rambling post.... I just have so much on my mind right now and I didn't know where else to go with it all.

Thank you all.

artsoul

Hi MsApril -

I'd certainly look into treatment - it's a sacrifice, I know, but having gotten sober both ways (on my own and through treatment), I'd choose treatment any day.

I'm sure you're feeling pretty low at this point, but please remember that this doesn't have anything to do with how smart or strong we are. Being strong and intelligent can actually work against us, because we're so sure we can do this on our own.

It's OK to throw your hands up and say "help!" - it's the best thing to do, in fact.
Hugs.......

IndaMiricale

Hi,

First things First .. Your home safe and alive.


Well I think you beat yourself up enough after this slip. Its time to just dust it off and let it go. And do a little thinking of what happened and why. Which to me seems like you have. You realized that you nor I can stay sober alone. Its a we disease , and glad to hear you thinking of going to the WE program of AA.

And you proved just as I had to, to myself over and over that once a alcoholic always a alcoholic. I tried over and over to let that voice and disease that so badly wants me dead, to give it that chance. You said nothing bad happened the first couple days. But I see it differently I think something terrible happened. That thought that the first sip wouldnt get you drunk happened. And it only took a couple 24 hrs and you were completely out of control.

I hope you just stay home and put in some fluids and eat a bit. Feel a little better tomorrow and go to a meeting. Great people that would love for you to be there , will be waiting.

I hope SLC stands for Salt Lake City...

Here is you central office link with phone number and meetings.

Schedule of Meetings | Salt Lake AA Central Office

Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Good love Inda.

MsAprilJ

Thank you artsoul and Inda! There is a sense of relief in saying, "Yes, I am an alcoholic and I need help!" There is also a sense of uncertainty and shame..... And I can't help but wonder what my bf, who is a "normal" drinker REALLY thinks of me and my "drinking problem". In fact, I am not so sure he is going to stick around and I suppose I can't blame him.... I just keep thinking about how much damage I have caused our relationship.

Inda- I am at home today.... spending a lot of time on SR. Reading other people's experiences helps so much. SLC does stand for Salt Lake City! I am going to get to a meeting tomorrow for sure. I was thinking about going to one tonight but I feel so crappy that I don't want to go anywhere. I might order some chinese food now... That should help.

Thanks again for your support!

hypochondriac

You are doing the right things MsApril, stepping up the support and coming here Don't beat yourself up too bad. Just keep moving forward. *Hugs* x

2granddaughters

April, please Google and read AA's "The Doctors Opinion", "How It Works" and "The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous". Can you identify ??

I wish you the best.

Bob R

Zebra1275

I think we've all screwed up when alcohol is involved in our lives, don't beat yourself up. You are not alone.

Get to an AA meeting and speak up and ask if someone will be your temporary sponsor. In my experience a lot of people will volunteer to do that for you.

Dee74

Welcome back April

D

quitforme79

I had a bad thing happen to me as well last night so feeling just like you are today. It's awful But instead of drinking this away I want to clean up my act. I think you're idea of intensive tx sounds good and actually I am going to look into that as well so thanks for mentioning it. I am going to go back to AA also. I went a couple times and really did like it. Best of luck, hang in there!

IndaMiricale

Yum Mongolian Beef is one of my favorites , if you order I take some. :rotfxko

Awesome glad I had the right city. I used to visit Utah alot when I lived in Colorado. Beautiuful state , Park City, Moab, Canyon Land. ect.

Good for you on going tomorrow. Please come back and write about it . Till then stay on the beam