werelemming

I know I haven't been here for a bit and when I was here I had a lot of anger and bitterness I was throwing at my Actually 16 month sober wife. I recieved what I needed here which was a swift kick in the pants and a "fix yourself first, darn it!"

Well, finding my way down that self fixin path and hit a nasty snag. I know this is an Al-Anon board, but it's the only place I know to come right now until later this week. Now I'm looking at what is looking like a sexual addiction problem on my part. I've done a lot of harm and hurt to my wife and am once again trying to pick up the pieces after a breach of trust.

Before I came here in November, I had reentered a correspondence with a former other woman. The correspondence was innocuous enough, but the mere fact I was doing it was a breach of the trust I was trying to rebuild.

Now I'm seeing my counselor Wednesday, hopefully meeting with our pastor Thursday and if I can manage to find one(tougher than you'ld think) attend an SA meeting this week. right now I'm just dying inside from the shame and literally physically ill whenever I have to address this with my wife.

My question, when she went to rehab, they made her write out her first step and share it with those she was recovering with. According to her, it was a long a detailed account of exactly how unmanageable her life had become with a near complete history of her life with alcohol.

Well, over the last few days pondering this among other things, not to mention a lot of research into my issue, I am wondering what the opinion would be on my doing the same. It's actually be somewhat calming thinking about doing that and getting a lot off my chest. There is a lot that never got said and granted, I know that patience is the key, one day at a time, but I think I would like to put this stuff to paper.

I would really really appreciate any input anyone can offer.

Morning Glory

Hello werelemming,

I'll bet you can find a 12 step site online that could help you with this information. I've never officially worked the steps, but I think you are supposed to have a sponsor when you work them. I think that's really important.

I'll see if I can find a good site. It can be a real can of worms causing some of this. It's hard to let the worms out.

Work it through with someone that supports you.

Hugs,
MG

Gabe

(or in my case, on the computer screen) very theraputic. The Twelve Steps are tools for recovery. Each of us has to decide how to best use these tools. If you feel that you need another person to do this successfully, find a sponsor in SA. If you think that writing it out will help, do that. Or maybe you can do both. Whatever works for you.
It sounds like you've recognized the pain you have caused. Now try to focus on the healing.
Peace,
Gabe

osier59

I also find writing to be very therapeutic. But as I have learned, there are 2 kinds of journaling - the one that comes from your heart - RAW and strong and personal and powerful - some consider this writing to themselves or to their Higher Power. The other kind is that which is a way of communicating things to someone that you care about. Both are good to do, but you must be clear from the start which it is you are doing. If you are getting your thoughts and feelings out on paper, fine. It can be done and is often a work in progress. BUT - I strongly recommend that you keep your writing personal and private. Many NEVER share their 4th step inventory with their family members - some just share with their sponsor or other trusted person. At the very least I would wait until you have a sponsor or counselor and are in a program of some sort before you share your writings with anyone.

Good luck. I hope you are able to find the meetings you need!

Barb

werelemming

Found a meeting. Hoping to make it tomorrow night. I feel bad because I am diving feet first into trying to fis the problem and I don't think it's allowing my wife time to process while I am focused on my path.

Started writing though. It's raw, honest and from the heart. I'm really scared though thinking of all the things I need to admit and keep in mind though. It's already causing me some trouble and I'm not even to the tough part of life.

Oy.

thanks for the support all.