ChelseaP

Ok well ill start off by saying i don't know how to let go of my sister or her kids, I feel as if i abandon her then im abandoning her kids,(which is probably my first mistake)... ok well im 22 going on 45 with how much i try to clean up my sisters messes but i feel like im getting to that point where im starting to not care anymore i know that must sound horrible but i just don't know how much more i can honestly take, its gotten to the point where my boyfriend don't want to hear about it anymore,and everyone says oh well that's brittany. I guess im coming on here because im feeling a little lost and i feel like i need some direction from someone, she has kids to take care of and she will just drop them off with my 70yr old grandmother who can not take care of them she has COPD and cant walk ten steps without almost passing out, i feel like her kids are getting jaded and i don't want them ending up like her, they already know how to lie and will do it till there blue in the face for there mom im just so worried about them. Not including she just got out or a abusive relationship and jumped right back into another one. Im just not sure what her rock-bottom is shes went to jail and is facing prison for robbery and of course there was alcohol was involved, shes on adult probation shes already been charged with child endangerment for driving drunk with her kids in the car, shes got into car accidents driving drunk with the kids, shes ended up in the hospital almost died last year from alcohol poisoning, i couldnt tell you how many times shes side swiped cars or stop signs or teliphone poles or houses she even ran over her exs leg, i could go on and on for days about it but ill spare you guys the details... but what made me post this today was she droped her kids off at my grandmas and went out partying and to make the story a bit shorter me and my mom get a call from her and shes sayin this guys beating her so i go over to make she she was and she tries to make herself seem like the bad guy like it was all her fault, needless to say her car windows were broke out but i tried to get her to come home with me and she wouldnt so i left, well about fifteen mins later she calls me and shes screaming for help and it honestly sounded like she was being killed so i freaked out rushed over to her house and no one was there not even her, i tried finding her but she was too drunk to tell me where she was so i came back home and i was talking to her 5 yr old son and he looked at me and said "if i was bigger i would break his fingers for talking to my mommy like that" and that broke my heart enough to get on here!


If anyone can give me advise on what i should do please help me.
Im lost and confused i need help

Katiekate

Welcome, might be time to get in touch with Child Protective Services and begin the process of removing those children from this situation.

Sounds like you could use some support also. Al anon, counseling, etc...

It must be a very difficult situation for you, I am sorry to say this but it sounds like your sister is in very deep, you have to know that you can not help her, that is up to her, but her children, you may be able to affect some change in their lives.

I am sure more will be along to reach out.

We are here, love to you, Katie

Learn2Live

Hi chelsea to SR.

First things first and that means you have to take care of you first. But it sounds like that is pretty difficult to do because you are busy running around reacting to the alcoholic in your life, trying to help someone who is completely out of control. When my life had gotten like that years ago I found Al-Anon and it changed my life. I learned the tools I needed to learn to be able to focus my energies and time on what is truly what I needed to focus on: ME.

Unfortunately, there are no easy answers or quick fixes for what you have found yourself mired in. Life is a journey and Recovery is a process, but the sooner you begin to learn what Al-Anon has to teach you, the sooner you will become better able to manage what has become unmanageable for you.

dbh

Dear ChelseaP:

Welcome to SoberRecovery. You're in the right place. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

Having an family member who is an alcoholic creates so much chaos and dysfunction in a family. My father was the alcoholic in my life and I'm still recovering from growing up in an alcoholic home.

Therapy, participating in 12-step groups, and reading recovery literature has help me a great deal.

One expression that I found particularly useful when I started my own recovery was the three C's:
It's sometimes difficult to accept, but there truly is nothing you can do to control and/or cure an alcoholic's drinking. As a child, I think I always thought I could fix my father if only I tried harder. I also would blame myself for his drinking. I carried around so much quilt!

For the longest time I also felt responsible for my brother and sister. I was consumed with fixing their lives and it made me crazy. I spent so much time obsessing about them that I sort of put my life on hold.

A book that opened my eyes the dysfunctional tendencies in my family is Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie.

You're still so young. It's wonderful that you're reaching out now looking for help. Are there any other adults in your life that can help? I'm concerned about your sister's children. They shouldn't be exposed to this kind of life and it sounds like they are in danger.

You are not alone and there is help available.

Keep reading, posting, and coming back!

Hugs,

db

Tuffgirl

Welcome Chelsea. So sorry for your situation that brings you to this forum, but you found a good place to be!

Do read the stickies at the top of our home page. Lots of great information there. And I second what everyone else says here...Al-Anon is wonderful! Lots of great books to read, as well. I found the best "first step" for me was to educate myself as much as possible so I could make informed decisions on how to proceed each step of the way.

Keep posting, keep reading!
And take good care,
~T