I'm afraid I have hit bottom and scared
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3
I'm afraid I have hit bottom and scared
I think I need to file divorce. My AW continues to drink and seems nothing will stop her. She is still in Oupt. Therapy and continues to drink. I think she is trying to rack up a log of meetings for her upcoming DUI hearing. She has attended 28 days of rehab and goes to IOP. She keeps saying that this will look good to the judge when she has her case. Sadly, I can't take it anymore. She thinks I'm stupid not to see her ulterior motives. I told her tonight that I plan on filing for divorce on Monday. She flipped out. Why is this so exhausting?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 76
Menace,
i am so sorry, that you are where you are. I have not been "at this" for very long and i can tell you that there is going to be a day when you feel good about yourself. It is so exhausting! when i told my ah to not come home, it was such a great relieve. But the pain came quickly after that.
If you don't already go, please try out al anon. Even if you just use the hour to be by yourself and get away. But you might find it a great place of support and hope.
Right now, YOU have to be worth it. You deserve better then this. There is a thread from a few days ago to make a list of all the things that make you not want to live with her. Make that list! I personally had a hard time coming up with a reason that i wanted to live with him!
Stay strong and stick to your guns. Empty threats are not worth much. If your love was really truly meant to be the future will show you that. You can not force it right now. God knows i tried many many times....
Good luck to you and keep posting.
i am so sorry, that you are where you are. I have not been "at this" for very long and i can tell you that there is going to be a day when you feel good about yourself. It is so exhausting! when i told my ah to not come home, it was such a great relieve. But the pain came quickly after that.
If you don't already go, please try out al anon. Even if you just use the hour to be by yourself and get away. But you might find it a great place of support and hope.
Right now, YOU have to be worth it. You deserve better then this. There is a thread from a few days ago to make a list of all the things that make you not want to live with her. Make that list! I personally had a hard time coming up with a reason that i wanted to live with him!
Stay strong and stick to your guns. Empty threats are not worth much. If your love was really truly meant to be the future will show you that. You can not force it right now. God knows i tried many many times....
Good luck to you and keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 391
Menace,
I am so sorry that you are hurting. You must do what is best for you. I remember some words that I read on some other post when I first found SR that were of great comfort and provided me encouragement. If they were written in response to you now they would tell you how brave and strong you are. You are scared and feeling very low but you are still moving forward and doing what you need to do to take care of you IN SPITE of feeling scared and low. That takes guts.
Take good care of yourself. You are worth it.
Best,
MamaKit
I am so sorry that you are hurting. You must do what is best for you. I remember some words that I read on some other post when I first found SR that were of great comfort and provided me encouragement. If they were written in response to you now they would tell you how brave and strong you are. You are scared and feeling very low but you are still moving forward and doing what you need to do to take care of you IN SPITE of feeling scared and low. That takes guts.
Take good care of yourself. You are worth it.
Best,
MamaKit
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
I have been thru a divorce.
I have been involved with an alkie.
The two circumstances were not one in the same.
I would take the divorce situation over the alcoholism . Being with an active alkie is not only exhausting, it's a life consuming over the top life depleting ordeal.
Not to sound smug, but if you can put up with the day to day crap of a intoxicated person , the divorce will seem like a walk in the park.
Wishing you peace.
I have been involved with an alkie.
The two circumstances were not one in the same.
I would take the divorce situation over the alcoholism . Being with an active alkie is not only exhausting, it's a life consuming over the top life depleting ordeal.
Not to sound smug, but if you can put up with the day to day crap of a intoxicated person , the divorce will seem like a walk in the park.
Wishing you peace.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi Menace, Welcome to SR!
I know the decision you have made was a really hard one. It sounds as though you have made it to protect yourself and not to get her to 'see the light'. She will only decide to work toward a sober life when and if she is ever ready.
Please know that you are not alone in this. We get it....really we do. HG
I know the decision you have made was a really hard one. It sounds as though you have made it to protect yourself and not to get her to 'see the light'. She will only decide to work toward a sober life when and if she is ever ready.
Please know that you are not alone in this. We get it....really we do. HG
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Originally Posted by hydrogirl 
Hi Menace, Welcome to SR!
I know the decision you have made was a really hard one. It sounds as though you have made it to protect yourself and not to get her to 'see the light'. She will only decide to work toward a sober life when and if she is ever ready.
Please know that you are not alone in this. We get it....really we do. HG
I know the decision you have made was a really hard one. It sounds as though you have made it to protect yourself and not to get her to 'see the light'. She will only decide to work toward a sober life when and if she is ever ready.
Please know that you are not alone in this. We get it....really we do. HG
Hang in there,
~T
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Menace,
I second what others have posted. The decision to divorce my Alcoholic husband was the hardest, scariest decision I have ever made in my life. I had a severe panic attack the night I signed the papers to have him served.
18 months later... I'm grateful that I did it. It certainly hasn't solved all my problems - but it has gotten me out of fire, so to speak. It has protected me from further abuse, potential legal and financial consequences, and given me the freedom to live MY life as I see fit. I'm no longer arguing with him about why drunk driving is wrong! (Seems silly to think that I actually had to argue with him about that... it should be damn common sense!).
Anyways, we are here... and we understand!
Shannon
I second what others have posted. The decision to divorce my Alcoholic husband was the hardest, scariest decision I have ever made in my life. I had a severe panic attack the night I signed the papers to have him served.
18 months later... I'm grateful that I did it. It certainly hasn't solved all my problems - but it has gotten me out of fire, so to speak. It has protected me from further abuse, potential legal and financial consequences, and given me the freedom to live MY life as I see fit. I'm no longer arguing with him about why drunk driving is wrong! (Seems silly to think that I actually had to argue with him about that... it should be damn common sense!).
Anyways, we are here... and we understand!
Shannon
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: seeking sanity
Posts: 645
Divorcing my AH was the single best thing I have ever done for myself. I had to keep reminding myself that things would be better and my life would be sane again. Now I'm 2.5 years post divorce and my life is better than it ever has been.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I'm so very sorry you're in this agonizing situation. I don't think there's anything more stressful than this. I also had to get to the point where denial stopped working. If you keep trying to help her it is enabling. Hope you can bring the focus back to YOU and what you need to do for yourself ... it's the only place where we hold real power.
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