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Fell off the wagon

Old 08-03-2012, 10:21 AM
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Fell off the wagon

As I have stated in my first post I quit my job just over a month ago due to anxiety and drinking. I had a pretty awesome recovery. To think that I went in a matter of a few weeks from being agoraphobic to applying for jobs having interviews and actually getting a job is huge. Not only is it just a job but it is a better job than the one I quit and its with one of the top 25 largest companies in the world. Awesome!!

I first applied 3 weeks ago. A week later I had the interview. Last friday I was told "congratulations" and was offered the job "we'll work on getting you started on monday the 6th". Tired and stressed from waiting but it was worth it, Great!!


After being told the drug screen and backgorund checks should be done by this past wednesday I still didnt recieve a phone call. I was horribly worried about my drug test because I am still on xanax and I'm not sure if they test for it or if it would even be a problem. Agrivated from waiting, absolute bordom, anger, and worried with tense and sore shoulders I decided to drink. Last night I drank again.

This morning I had to make a follow up phone call to find out what was going on with this job.

I was told:
There was a discrepancy in the start date of my second to last employer 13 years ago. I had written the wrong year. They usually disregard dates within a couple of months but they decided to wave mine even though it was a year. Fantastic!!

Hours of on-line paperwork- DONE!

Background checks- DONE!

Drug screen- DONE!

Then I was told "we are working on your start date I'll call you next week" Next week?! What the F**K!!!!!! I was told I was gonna start monday! What is next week? Monday? Tuesday? Friday?

I'm grateful I got the job but I cant sit around anymore this Sh*t is driving me NUTS!

I havent really enjoyed the last 2 nights of drinking but I've been doing it just to kill time and help end the stress and boredom. I watched all the movies I can watch, exercised, read books, walked mile after mile and I'm sick of it. I've hiked so many trails I probably know more about our state forest than all the park rangers put together.

I've accomplished so much in the last month. I'm embarressed to complain when I've been given so much but I dont want to throw it all away on drinking again. I'm feeling the urge to drink again tonight.
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Old 08-03-2012, 10:34 AM
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any friends or family you can hang out with tonight, Mits? Maybe hit an AA meeting even if it's not your thing. Or I don't know, a poetry reading?
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Old 08-03-2012, 10:38 AM
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Your new life is there and waiting for you! This is your time to change everything, what an opportunity to turn your life around.
DO NOT DRINK TONIGHT. The longer you continue using alcohol to control your stress levels, the more stressed you will feel. It is a depressant and causes anxiety, it does nothing to help it. Believe me. I tried using it for many years.
You deserve your new life, go for it!!
Lots of love x
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Old 08-03-2012, 11:06 AM
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I looked like that holdin beer
 
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Congrats on the job and the new opportunity, and the amazing progress you made. I know how it feels to be held up in the house scared to go outside. It is great that you posted!

You mentioned that you were,

"Agrivated from waiting, absolute bordom, anger, and worried with tense and sore shoulders I decided to drink. Last night I drank again."

I want to drink as well when I get that way. A plan of attack works wonders for me. I know it is very hard though. For me drinking was my answer to every problem, but I am learning other ways.

What I do is:

I go to this room. I post and read posts

Go to AA (working the steps) and have a workbook at home also

Hush my Addictive voice

HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired)

Read my list of reasons I cannot drink( long ass list).

Remember how horrible it was when I was drinking. I know that whatever I am feeling that drinking will only make things worse, way worse.

Accept that I can't have that first drink

Play music

Exercise or just get out of the house

Talk to a friend

Know that urge to drink will pass, it always does if I do not give in.

I am sure there is more, but those are the main things.

I am NOT perfect at all and only sober coming up on 8 weeks, but I am holding onto my sobriety for dear life here

I hope you decide not to drink tonight.
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Old 08-03-2012, 11:12 AM
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I would not read too much into your start date, as you might know, it takes a while to on-board someone and summers are typically very very slow....
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Old 08-03-2012, 11:34 AM
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Thanks so much everyone. I realized I started having the dont drink tomorrow thought. If I drink tonight I'm getting the feeling I will also drink tomorrow night and the night after, then it will be the night before I go back to work. Hung over on the first day? I should really count my blessings with this job. It was more than I asked for.
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Old 08-03-2012, 12:46 PM
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I looked like that holdin beer
 
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I don't know if it is like this for you, but for me after I drink I get even more worried, fearful, and paranoid about what I was anxious about in the first place. Drinking just messes with my mind like that, and I can't think as rationally and clearly especially after a binge....and worrying can turn into an all out panic attack. I think you will feel a lot more confident on day 1 if you don't drink.

keep us posted about how you are doing and about the job, OK? a


Hugs
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Old 08-03-2012, 02:49 PM
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Mits
It's great you have landed a job but you won't keep it for long if you continue drinking. You really need to make sobriety your priority. You have felt great with your "awesome recovery" but you are now drinking and giving the excuse of boredom. You need to get back on whatever program was working for you before you picked up a drink.
Everything depends on your sobriety. Alcohol is holding you back from having a truly wonderful life free of anxiety.
Love
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Old 08-03-2012, 03:30 PM
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Originally Posted by CaiHong View Post
you are now drinking and giving the excuse of boredom.

EXACTLY!!! It was an excuse. I didnt look at it that way. Thank you!
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Old 08-03-2012, 03:34 PM
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Glad to hear you're thinking a little more clearly now
You have a job - thats awesome - don't blow it by going on a bender.

I think CaiHong is right too - maybe there's so lessons to be learned here...a little more you can do for your recovery?

If the job takes a while, and you're bored this week, go do some volunteering - it's a great way to spend some time...and to help others

D
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Old 08-03-2012, 03:42 PM
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Glad you've decided not to sabotage yourself, Mits You can stay the course and make it through this stressful time. Alcohol only makes everything worse - and adds more troubles onto what we already have. I think we all realize that, but sometimes we need a reminder. We're in your corner Mits.
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Old 08-03-2012, 03:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Mits78 View Post

I've been doing it just to kill time
You have done well.

Assuming you were sober when you posted I encourage you to reconsider the fact that you posted the line above.
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Old 08-03-2012, 03:48 PM
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You just got the job, why pick up and drink to only go and lose it.
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