Silence12

Hi all,

Just a quick note to say that I'm new here - been struggling with progressed alcoholism for the last couple of years or so. Have tried to give up a couple of times before but really want to give it a go this time. I don't attend AA - did a couple of times, nothing against it but it didn't feel right for me - have been looking into AVRT/RR and that seems more up my street.

I've been reading the forums for a while now and just decided to make the plunge. I feel annoyed that I have wasted health/money on this poison but just don't want to waste one more day of my life. The worst day sober is better than the best drunk, right?

Any advice is very much appreciated - this place has been great for me to just read when I feel down and feel like drinking again. I know it sounds stupid, but the last couple of times I have drank, it's felt like an effort to go and do it, whereas in the past I couldn't stop myself to do it. I honestly feel like I'm getting closer to where I want to be - but what do I know? I just need to focus all of my energy on sobriety, for the time being especially.

So this is Day 1 - slept poorly and have felt very hot all day - withdrawl symptoms I suppose - had an irregular heartbeat last night and have a doctor's number on call just in case. The worst I feel is likely behind me but I know I can't be too careful.

Thanks for reading.

least

Welcome to SR! :ghug3 You are wise to have a doctor handy in case of problems. Alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous so do be careful and safe.

I didn't think I could stay sober either but am now happily sober for over two years so it is possible.

gincognito

Welcome and stick around! Progressed alcoholism sounds pretty fancy you know, better than my depressed alcoholism. I guess it's probably just as bad in reality though.

Silence12

Genuine questions about forgiveness:

How long did it take you to forgive yourself for your mistakes - if you have?

What do you do to others who you wish had forgiven you? Outside of apologising, is it better to just leave it in the past?


I'm in the mindset of my own forgiveness should come in time - after I've accepted that I'm powerless over my misdemeanours.

In terms of the people that I've hurt, is it simply a case of letting other people make their minds up - i.e. the only people worth keeping in touch with are people that can forgive you? I know that I've hurt people in the things that I've done, outside of apologising what more can I do?

IndaMiricale

Welcome

I am an AAer, but glad you are find AVART and RR something that intrets you. Go use it and hold on to everything. Sobriety is a wonderful gift.

Best wishes. Keep posting.

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

Glad you are here!

Silence12

Thanks for the welcomes.

Progressive alcoholism is just a fancy way of putting it I guess! Either way, we all know it will only end one way.

I'd just like to make it clear I really don't have anything against AA - any way people can help each other is ultimately the goal, I guess.

Can't say I feel much better since earlier. I just feel tired, my legs feel exhausted despite not doing much today - but then I guess that's the lack of proper sleep, lack of food, too much alcohol still in the system combination.

The shocking thing to me is I can still feel myself looking towards the clock knowing what time the off licences close - despite all the mess I've had to clear up today, disposing of all the empty bottles/cans and generally having a clean up - not to mention how crappy I've felt all day. I know it's just my AV talking and I'm not close to going for more, it's just surprising how strong the voice can be at times - despite everything it steals from your life.

I'll be continuing to clean up tonight and read some more on here. Thanks.

freshstart57

Silence12, welcome to the team, and congratulations on your choice to stop drinking. You seem to understand that each moment is a choice for us, and that picking up a drink and downing it needs our permission. This Addictive Voice is without shape or form, but not without appetite, always looking for that buzz but can't make the whole drinking thing happen by itself.

Here is my advice in a nutshell, sort of AVRT lite:

1. [*]
2. [*]
3. [*]

Lots of discussion on this and other ideas for sobriety that are 12 step free in our Secular Connections forum. See you there!

Silence12

Thanks for all of that!

I'll have a look at the Secular Connections forum too.

duane1

Hi Silence, congratulations on your decision. It is the right one. Quitting isn't easy in the beginning, but it gets easier. Just get rest when your body needs it. Eat healthy. Drink plenty of fluids and try to get a little exercise if you can. You will get plenty of needed support here, so stick around.

Dee74

Welcome Silence
good to have you join us...

On forgiveness, I know it's natural to want to make everything right as soon as possible but I really think that's a secondary thing...the primary thing for now is not drinking...the sorting out stuff phase should come later IMO - when we're better equipped to deal with it

but when it happens...for me, I'm a great fan of living amends...I can't change the past but I can definitely do right today...I've found actions speak a lot louder than words where other people are concerned.

Forgiving myself...that takes even more time...but as I grew and changed in my recovery I was able to leave my past and the old me behind....I'll never forget, but I learned to forgive

D

Hevyn

I completely agree, Silence. I kept myself from healing by constantly reliving the past. You can't fix everything at once - focusing on you for now is a big enough job. Later, when you're stronger and more clearheaded you can tackle those things that are bothering you. Be kind and patient with yourself as you begin to get well.

We're happy to have you here! You're going to have a whole new life.

Silence12

I must say I'm overwhelmed by the support, truly I am.

I just have to keep telling myself to put one foot in front of the other, keep positive and good things will come of this. I know that no good will come from continued drinking, just abject anger, hate, loathsomeness, fear and anxiety - not to mention physical health problems.

I know time is a great healer - but I also know that I have done things which I cannot take back, to myself and to others - that's why I asked about forgiveness. I suppose all I can do is keep this going and good things will happen.

flachead

Welcome S12 - everything comes with time, dont think too much ahead, get yourself well and the rest will follow!

freshstart57

Silence12, I heard a lot about forgiveness before I quit - forgive yourself before you can forgive others. I am sure you have heard this stuff too.

I dunno about this. I don't know if I have forgiven myself for my past behaviour, but I no longer twist my hankie over it. I know that I accept it now, that my past just is. It sits there like a steaming stinking pile, always available for me to get worked up over again. If I know that it's there, if I accept that it is there, then I can stop playing with it and getting all mucky again.

It's there, it is yours, but it is not you. Leave it behind you. Confine yourself to this moment, that is the one that finds you with unlimited potential. You can make any choice you want in this moment. This idea can free you. It can release you so that you can be you again. And that is plenty good enough.

Onward!

Silence12

I love the part about unlimited potential because it's so true. To me, that's what alcohol offers you at the beginning, and then slowly over the years robs you of every fibre of it.

My past is my past, drinking will not fix those problems, and it may well create further ones.

soulgypsy

I forgive myself early and often. I make many, many mistakes in life but learn from every one and I try to let them go once the lesson is learned.

I always apologize. Always. It doesn't matter if they forgive you or not. Other people forgiving you is not your problem, righting your wrongs to the best of your ability is.

The past is the past and it is best left there.

Again, you have no control over anyone's reaction to your mistakes or your apologies. I would keep your mind clear and your heart open. If you do so, the people in your life that should be there will always show up.

I wish you peace tonight.

Silence12

5:10am and I think I might as well give up sleep for the night. I know that this is the worst night, that's the comfort. My muscles are aching so I know I'm tired but just can't get to sleep - it's to be expected though. Itchy skin is the worst in withdrawal I'd say, it's all this that I need to remember in the future.

sugarbear1

Start a journal. pen to paper. it's cathartic!

Stay strong and stay stopped!

blueshades

Welcome to SR, Silence. I look forward to following your posts here.