What's wrong with me?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 186
What's wrong with me?
I go a week or so, no drinking not difficult. And than I say one glass of wine, I can handle it. And then a few days pass and I'm back to passing out drunk after a bottle or more. I hate my life right now, why can't i get a grip on it like I did back at Christmas time. Please tell me what to do, I'm so upset again today. I'm not hungover, just down. Look at this person I've become.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
So sorry to hear you're down. It is like a spiral isn't it? Our addictions lie to us, telling us that we can drink normally. They can be very persuasive.
What have you tried to break this pattern so far? Maybe it's time to change the plan? Xx
What have you tried to break this pattern so far? Maybe it's time to change the plan? Xx
A simple guy making his way
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
I am with jeni on this. I needed to change patterns. I still fall back at it but I keep trying.
And please try to remember that you are worth it. You can do it.
I am all to familiar with the feelings and hopelessness you seem to be feeling. I have been there.
Take a moment today to do something nice for yourself. Even if you have to fight everything to do it. It really will help.
Ken
And please try to remember that you are worth it. You can do it.
I am all to familiar with the feelings and hopelessness you seem to be feeling. I have been there.
Take a moment today to do something nice for yourself. Even if you have to fight everything to do it. It really will help.
Ken
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Toronto,Ontario
Posts: 1,027
Stop drinking all together, and quit flirting with the idea that you can drink like a normal person. Until you admit and accept powerlessness over alcohol, you will stay in this vicious cycle. That was the case with me, for 6 years.
Good news is that things get much better and you do not have to drink again !
Good luck.
Good news is that things get much better and you do not have to drink again !
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 754
I have learned (from this site) that it’s your AV (Alcoholic Voice) telling you, “One glass of wine, I can handle it.” I also liked to finish a bottle of wine, enjoying the thought that it would put me to sleep and take away the stress of the day. But the next day I would realize that maybe I said something to one of my kids that I did not recall or that I missed saying goodnight to them, or that my teenager came home past curfew and I did not know.
You said please tell me what to do - - - This is what is working for me: tell your AV to “shut up”, make a plan, read the serenity prayer several times throughout the day, and envision your life being 100% there for your kids at all times. I am new to this, after several previous attempts, so I’m no pro, but I am determined.
I read your old posts. I definitely believe you can do this! Keep reading and keep posting! We can do this together...
You said please tell me what to do - - - This is what is working for me: tell your AV to “shut up”, make a plan, read the serenity prayer several times throughout the day, and envision your life being 100% there for your kids at all times. I am new to this, after several previous attempts, so I’m no pro, but I am determined.
I read your old posts. I definitely believe you can do this! Keep reading and keep posting! We can do this together...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by Mammyof3boys 
I go a week or so, no drinking not difficult. And than I say one glass of wine, I can handle it. And then a few days pass and I'm back to passing out drunk after a bottle or more. I hate my life right now, why can't i get a grip on it like I did back at Christmas time. Please tell me what to do, I'm so upset again today. I'm not hungover, just down. Look at this person I've become.
I quit drinking often in the beginning... but staying quit and living sober required the program of AA for me.
All the best to you.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
I've been there many times. I now accept I am not and never will be a normal drinker. I am fed up of going through the never ending turmoil of it all.
The only answer is to quit drinking. I use Rational Recovery. Many use SMART or AA.(and SR of course!!)
Good luck-do stick around here-it helps immensely
The only answer is to quit drinking. I use Rational Recovery. Many use SMART or AA.(and SR of course!!)
Good luck-do stick around here-it helps immensely
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by Mammyof3boys
I go a week or so, no drinking not difficult. And than I say one glass of wine, I can handle it. And then a few days pass and I'm back to passing out drunk after a bottle or more. I hate my life right now, why can't i get a grip on it like I did back at Christmas time. Please tell me what to do, I'm so upset again today. I'm not hungover, just down. Look at this person I've become.
We can often justify future drinking with the idea that what feels good must in fact be good...
We can ignore or otherwise deny our present difficulties and challenges because feeling bad, sad, alone, scared, angry, anxious, unsure, inferior, weak-willed, stubborn, guilty, resentful, stressed, emotional...
no one wants to feel these things when simply having that next drink often enough makes it all seemingly go away, for a time...
What was happening last Christmas time?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 186
What everyone has said is true. I am constantly "flirting with the idea" that I can handle it next time. But I can't.
At Christmas of 2011 my family had a big drunk fight on my front lawn at 1 in the morning. Instead of preparing my home for my boys in he morning I was instead trying to stop m sister from drinking and driving, which she did anyway. But something, although now only temporarily, changed in me that Christmas day and I didn't drink for 3 months. It was a commitment of sorts to be better. Than my father in law died suddenly and I to quickly came back to alcohol. And I've had several sober weeks again but I've not been able to stay sober for that long. I want it. So many of you on here told me that it would only get harder to stay sober and you were all 100% right.
I looked into some AA meetings. There is one on Sunday evening at a local church that I plan on attending.
Thanks for all your thoughts.
At Christmas of 2011 my family had a big drunk fight on my front lawn at 1 in the morning. Instead of preparing my home for my boys in he morning I was instead trying to stop m sister from drinking and driving, which she did anyway. But something, although now only temporarily, changed in me that Christmas day and I didn't drink for 3 months. It was a commitment of sorts to be better. Than my father in law died suddenly and I to quickly came back to alcohol. And I've had several sober weeks again but I've not been able to stay sober for that long. I want it. So many of you on here told me that it would only get harder to stay sober and you were all 100% right.
I looked into some AA meetings. There is one on Sunday evening at a local church that I plan on attending.
Thanks for all your thoughts.
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
All great advice above, and I am just including a thread I wrote not all that long ago on how I feel about this topic . .. I thought I would share it again with you and all the other new people that have come in. 
Gooood Afternoon,
Its a beautiful friday day here and my heart and mind are just as peaceful as the skies are today. I hope your are also and for everyone just starting this journey I send good thoughts and stick to it. The fog will clear, I know I said it was like a took windex to my eyes. The world literally got brighter and more clear after several weeks.
My first attempt at getting sober was June 20, 2011. I jumped right in to AA did what I was told go to meetings, get home group, get a sponsor, and work the steps. Well everything was going great did all the above but after two months I got to well to fast, it only took slacking on those things for a bit and I wound up drinking. And went on and off for the rest of the year.
None of us, I know I just couldnt accept the fact that I couldnt handle it, so over that time I just spent countless attempts at trying to prove that I could in fact drink like other people. (Deep down knowing full well I could not). To the New Year when I got back to what was working before, and fully came to grips and smash the delusion that I could drink one night and not another.
It has definitely has been proving time and time again before me and will continue after me, that no alcoholic ever regains control. Over any considerable period I would always get worse and right back to were I left off. Or worse , but truly for me it couldnt of gotten worse. I drank every waking moment. So for the title today of there is no such thing making a normal drinker out of a alcoholic.
I write this today for everyone, if your new or if you have some time. Take that minute today to remember why your here and just a bit of the bad. I need to do that because I forget the past so quickly. Sorry for the long thread today , but life is good now, I didnt give up , I kept coming back and learning. So now I have some good time behind me.
We all should have and deserve to have a life and have it more abundantly full of spirituality, mental, physical, joyous, and powerful life. This we all can have if you follow a path, of what ever you choose. For me that path was AA, and I truly just love the program and the fellowship I have now.
Enjoy your weekend and remember to Smile cause Sobriety looks good on You. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!
Good love, Inda
__________________
"The only real thing in life are dreams, which nature cant touch with decay
Its a beautiful friday day here and my heart and mind are just as peaceful as the skies are today. I hope your are also and for everyone just starting this journey I send good thoughts and stick to it. The fog will clear, I know I said it was like a took windex to my eyes. The world literally got brighter and more clear after several weeks.
My first attempt at getting sober was June 20, 2011. I jumped right in to AA did what I was told go to meetings, get home group, get a sponsor, and work the steps. Well everything was going great did all the above but after two months I got to well to fast, it only took slacking on those things for a bit and I wound up drinking. And went on and off for the rest of the year.
None of us, I know I just couldnt accept the fact that I couldnt handle it, so over that time I just spent countless attempts at trying to prove that I could in fact drink like other people. (Deep down knowing full well I could not). To the New Year when I got back to what was working before, and fully came to grips and smash the delusion that I could drink one night and not another.
It has definitely has been proving time and time again before me and will continue after me, that no alcoholic ever regains control. Over any considerable period I would always get worse and right back to were I left off. Or worse , but truly for me it couldnt of gotten worse. I drank every waking moment. So for the title today of there is no such thing making a normal drinker out of a alcoholic.
I write this today for everyone, if your new or if you have some time. Take that minute today to remember why your here and just a bit of the bad. I need to do that because I forget the past so quickly. Sorry for the long thread today , but life is good now, I didnt give up , I kept coming back and learning. So now I have some good time behind me.
We all should have and deserve to have a life and have it more abundantly full of spirituality, mental, physical, joyous, and powerful life. This we all can have if you follow a path, of what ever you choose. For me that path was AA, and I truly just love the program and the fellowship I have now.
Enjoy your weekend and remember to Smile cause Sobriety looks good on You. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!
Good love, Inda
__________________
"The only real thing in life are dreams, which nature cant touch with decay
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Mammy,
I have been following your posts and I know how much you want to be sober. AA and Sr helped me to get sober and stay sober. You need the support of people who understand what you are going through and can help you.
I am so glad to hear you are going to a meeting. I know you can do this.
Love
CaiHong
I have been following your posts and I know how much you want to be sober. AA and Sr helped me to get sober and stay sober. You need the support of people who understand what you are going through and can help you.
I am so glad to hear you are going to a meeting. I know you can do this.
Love
CaiHong
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I'm glad you're back.
I agree that you have to fully accept that drinking is no longer an option, ever.
I would also ask you what changes you made in your life during the weeks you are not drinking? Drinking is the symptom and we need to deal with the underlying issues in order to heal.
I agree that you have to fully accept that drinking is no longer an option, ever.
I would also ask you what changes you made in your life during the weeks you are not drinking? Drinking is the symptom and we need to deal with the underlying issues in order to heal.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Toronto,Ontario
Posts: 1,027
Originally Posted by Anna
....... Drinking is the symptom and we need to deal with the underlying issues in order to heal.
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