story74

So, my xah sent a TEXT asking how I was and that he wanted to see his son. Non apologetic and sense of entitlement was the feel. Red flag: nothing has changed with him. A text after almost 3 months of MIA. Really? Couldn't be man enough to at least call.
So, what would you do? Ignore it? Call my lawyer? Respond?
I was thinking I would text back "you need to call me and discuss/explain your absence"
He missed his sons birthday.

Hmmmm?

cangel2

I would ignore it personally after all this time. Very random, spur of the moment and probably just exploring the lay of the land to see what he can get from you.

Something serious after all this time would be in the form of a letter, email or phone call. This seems gratuitous and too easy. If you get another one.....send him your attorney's address and suggest that he send requests/correspondence there.

Sorry this happened......be so much better if they just went away......

dollydo

I do not know what the visitation agreement was, so based on that I would forward to my attorney. As for calling him, I'd say no, only will open Pandoras box, just what he is wanting you to do. My gut tells me that his life is be going down hill, hence the text.

saraylah

I myself think that a little bit of acceptance of the fact that he is an XAH should be taken into consideration. I myself was once an absentee Mother and I would check in from time to time to see how my daughter was and my exhusband never denied me a response or in fact a chance to see my daughter. I know how important a birthday is and I know how hard it is for a child to have an absent parent because me and my daughter have had talks about it many times. All I could say was "Sorry, I was not helathy at the time." Yes it is awful to know that I did this but it is the past. Maybe your ex husband is trying to make ammends and if not at least he is checking on his son NOW. The thing that I must say is for you to make it clear to him NOT TO PROMISE ANYTHING TO YOUR SON THAT HE WILL NOT FOLLOW THROUGH WITH cause I know that I hurt my daughter many times when she was very young ( like the age of 6yrs old thru 12 yrs old) and I had her waiting on me and crying cause I didn't show. This I know hurts. I still feel soooooooo soooooo bad knowing that I hurt my little girl that way. And it's something I can never ever erase. But we are both living happily together now and she has her Mother clean and sober and for Her it's an answered prayer. But again this is only MY opinion on how you would handle this. I was your ex husband a while ago- calling and wanting to see my daughter after a long mission. You know some of the time I was gone was because I was sooooo embarrassed of the condition that I was in. I was disgusted with the fact that I was a drug addict Mother who was out there on drugs instead of being a funtioning responsible parent like her Father. There's alot of things going on in your EAH life right now. You don't know if THIS time that he shares with his son may be the time that moves him enough to change. Just set some safe boundaries. Good luck and give me an update on how it goes. Prayers and hugs to you and your son and the Father as well.

tjp613

I think I would ignore a single text message. How lame. If he persists, or shows some other sign of seriousness (like a phone call), I don't think I could deny my child the chance to spend time with his dad IF he's sober and supervised during the visit.

neferkamichael

Story, I would call my lawyer first.

crazybabie

I also would call my lawyer first especially since this, is the first contact about your son he couldn't bother to text before and ask how he is IMO, this, is more about feeling you out than about your son and neither you or son need that.

YearForMe

I would ignore it.
There are proper procedures for setting up a visitation.
One single text after a 3 month absence...no explanation...and missed your
Sweet son's birthday.......uh.....yea..um no.....not proper

story74

Well, thank you all for your help. Something happened last week where I didn't follow my intuition, and told myself from this point on I would no matter what. I must trust my gut. My feelings and concerns are very valid. This past year has been hell and I refuse to keep this up for the rest of my life (dealing with an addict). So, I contacted my lawyer (waiting to hear back) and have ignored his lame, pathetic text. As a person who is kind, it's hard to NOT take the bait, but I didn't. How dare he.

Sara, thank you for your side. I really appreciate your post and try to understand the otherside of it, but I don't. I have no empathy for my x addict. I can't. I have to make sure that my son has a chance to a good life. My x abandoned us. He cheated on me and is now living with a very very questionable woman who I presume is also using. I do not want my son around the losers my x has chosen to "hang" with. I do not think it is healthy for my son to be around an addict in any shape or form. My ex is angry and spiteful and has/shows no remorse. I begged him back. I begged him to get help, but he says he is sober and doesn't have a problem. I am angry at the fact he actually thinks he can come in and out whenever he feels like it. Its not fair to me or my son. Him seeing his son has nothing to do with my sons well being...it is all about my ex's pain and guilt. Nothing my ex has done in the past year in and half has to do with anyone but himself. My ex has surrounded himself with people who do everything for him, and tell him how to think. He has no mind of his own. I feel sorry for him, but empathy...no. this behavior is unacceptable and he needs to man up and start behaving as such. He is so use to getting whatever he wants when he wants it. He is very charming and manipulative, but I'm not taking the bait. A text? Really? Call me and apologize and admit you have a problem and then I might be a little more flexible. I am very happy to hear things worked out for you and your daughter. Thanks again for a diffrent point of view. I hear it, but I just can't allow him randomly in and out of our life. Maybe if he apologized and admitted to a problem....or I might just have to legally. We will find out. Its just not right. My son deserves better and he has already jepordized his future.

zoso77

Late to this one.

I wouldn't trust your AXH as far as you can throw him. Personally, I would ignore it. Repeated efforts should warrant input from your lawyer.

It's sad he missed your son's birthday. But such as the behavior of an addict.

Best,
ZoSo

outtolunch

People in active alcoholism/addiction and those new to recovery make lousy parents. I would move heaven and earth to protect my child from this.

Explanations/excuses don't make it right.

FindingErica

Story, so glad you followed your intuition. I can only imagine the day will come where I will be in a similar situation. It takes a lot of strength to make the right decision. Keep being strong!