In Between - Language of Letting Go

Old 08-02-2012, 03:32 PM
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Ann
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In Between - Language of Letting Go


In Between


Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in between.

One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, but what we don't want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God to fill them.

This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.

Being in between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need to first let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird in hand, when there is nothing in the bush.

Being in between can apply to many areas of life and recovery. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes, or goals. We can be in between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as caretaking and controlling.

We may have many feelings going on when we're in between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what's ahead. These are normal feelings for the in between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.

Being in between isn't fun, but it's necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we're standing still, but we're not. We're standing at the in between place. it's how we get from here to there. It is not the destination.

We are moving forward, even when we're in between.

Today, I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation
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Old 08-02-2012, 03:37 PM
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I remember early in recovery, not being afraid of where I was going but being afraid of the transition...the in between. I was accustomed to the chaos in my life, of the adrenaline rushes and anxiety attacks. I KNEW how to live with all that...I did not know how to live with peace, joy or self-esteem. Venturing into that strange land scared me to death.

I learned that "in between" was a healing place, a place to rest and let go of old ideas and dream of better days ahead.

It was when I was "in between" that I did my best thinking. That was where I decided what I wanted my life to look like, and where I set about making a plan to make my new dreams come true.

It was where I closed the door on the past and prepared to open the door of "new beginnings".
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Old 08-02-2012, 03:45 PM
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So well stated, Ann. Today I am in the in -between phase & while not familiar it does give me the time I need for reflections. When I read it this morning I felt a peace knowing Im right shere I need to be.

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Old 08-02-2012, 07:05 PM
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I especially like this, "Being in between isn't fun, but it's necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we're standing still, but we're not. We're standing at the in between place. it's how we get from here to there. It is not the destination."

Ann, as you shared, "I was accustomed to the chaos in my life, of the adrenaline rushes and anxiety attacks. I KNEW how to live with all that...I did not know how to live with peace, joy or self-esteem. Venturing into that strange land scared me to death." I, too, was living daily with the adrenaline rushes and anxiety attacks (at that time, a few years back, being the norm for me) and I was desperate to find a way to move on; living like that was so incredibly exhausting.

Thanks for your posts. They are very helpful.
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Old 08-02-2012, 07:21 PM
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thanks Ann....I am definitely "inbetween". I'm appreciative that I am not in the excruciating inbetween time - just the uncomfortable/ready to move on inbetween time. What a wonderful reminder that it's in God's time and not mine.
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Old 08-02-2012, 10:49 PM
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I also an in between I remember when chaos was all I knew now I look for healthy ways to fills the holes and when I can't find any God gives me some.
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Old 08-02-2012, 10:59 PM
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Ann....how is it that you posts this always when i need to read it!! This is one of the most powerful messages ever.

Thank you!
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Old 08-02-2012, 11:46 PM
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I waned to add that sometimes I have found that I feel I am not getting ways from God then I throw myself into more step work oddly enough I do believe that was Gods way of getting me back there once again a stangel wrapped gift.
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Old 08-03-2012, 03:59 AM
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Oh yes, CB, in-between is where we often find our strangely wrapped gifts, those blessings in disguise that would never have come to us but for the time being right and us being ready to have them.

My vision cleared when I was in-between. The "noise" of chaos stopped and I could hear what those who went before me were saying. It was the place where my life changed direction and where I knew that wonderful new adventures awaited me...when I was ready to take the next step.
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Old 08-03-2012, 04:30 AM
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Originally Posted by crazybabie View Post
I also an in between I remember when chaos was all I knew now I look for healthy ways to fills the holes and when I can't find any God gives me some.
Well said. Good for you. I know my day will be so much more do-able when I start off by turning to the One, who guides me along a better path; that gives me hope.

Wishes for a peaceful and positive day for all.
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Old 08-04-2012, 02:45 PM
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:claps

i read her book of LANUAGE OF LETTING GO every single nite...I highly recommend it to everyone
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Old 08-04-2012, 03:39 PM
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This is where I reside; in between. Figuring things out. I really needed to read this today. The dust has settled, we are in our new home, my vacation time I took to sort life is over. I haven't heard from AH so there is no crazy-making, no demands and accompanying anxiety, no out of the blue verbal attacks, nothing. Somehow while I hated all that, there is an almost uncomfortable I don't know what feeling now. I guess empty is the word for it. Who am I now, where am I going. I feel uncomfortable with peace and calm. I'm sitting in the little sun room off the house, an unexpected blessing in finding this house, watching the rain because I can. I keep thinking of all the things I need to get up and do and realize to whom a I obligated to do them for except me. There is nobody to criticize or guilt me. Very odd, you old think I'd be doing cartwheels for joy. I'm not used to being too free I guess.
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Old 08-05-2012, 04:35 AM
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Erica, I was shocked when I discovered that I had lost sight of me and no longer knew the stranger who looked back from my mirror. The thing is, I had quiet time now to get to know her, to discover that she had grown even through the pain and that she was ready for new dreams...I just had to figure out what those dreams would be.

Yes, there was a big hole in my life where codependency used to live, there was almost exhaustion from lack of adrenaline, but there were so many new wonderful paths ahead, waiting to be explored. I learned to use some of the time for quiet prayer and meditation, some for nature and recharging my spiritual batteries, and some just to pamper me...because I was soooo worth it.

In between brings healing and insight and opportunity to plan a better life for ourselves. In between is an important part of our journey and well worth the rest.

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