hadenoug

I just did something I haven't done before- I’ve been thinking over our past 12 years together and looking back it is completely ridiculous.
Mostly, I look like a fool for putting up with all of this. Drank to get passed out drunk at least once a week. He’s overdosed on pills twice. Abused them many times. Cheated on me many times. Said horrible things. Driven drunk.
Wow…what is wrong with me for putting up with this?

BlueSkies1

12 years for me too.
Some of us are trained for long distance endurance, uggh.
Did we relax our standards? Umm..yep.
Boundaries--weak? Yup.
In love--sigh--
Never knew anyone like him before. Swept me off my feet.

Acceptance.
Wow, I am not the oh so powerful oz...behind the curtain was a scared woman who tried to pull the right levers to be oh so powerful to control him...how humbling to know, I only had the power to control me.
There are so many layers to understanding the power issue...I think I have reached the very bottom of that. We read it, learn it, know it, and then we have to re-read it, re-learn it, re-know it, a thousand times deeper.

Tuffgirl

When I hit the point of this question, I began to make some serious changes in my life. Feeling this way was my bottom, and a motivator to live a life that I was proud of, not ashamed of.

So what are you going to do now?

suki44883

Just like the addict, you won't make any changes until it becomes more painful to stay than to go. That is one thing addicts and codies have in common.

m1k3

Great advice so far.

The first step is getting better is recognizing something is wrong.

Your friend,

ZiggyB

That's a good question... could it be low self-esteem? Do you truly believe you don't deserve anything better than this?

I assure you that you do.

Cyranoak

Melody Beattie can answer this question for you.

sesh

You did what you thought is right.
Now you know better.
Learing to fogive yourself is one of the most important ( and maybe the hardest) parts of recovery.

dollydo

Low self-esteem, fear of abandonment, possibly a product of toxic parenting.

Nothing will change until you are sick and tired of being sick and tired. The ball is in your
court, it is up to you.

Carol Star

On the show Intervention Candy the interventionist asked a girl- "What about loving that man makes you happy?"

Carol Star

For me- as an adult child of alcoholics- I want to fix everyone--- so in some way emotionally I am going back in my mind to fix my Dad .......

dbh

Wanting to go back and fix my father was a HUGE part of it for me too.

I also had a strong fear of abandonment. My father had abandoned us so many times; I just couldn't face being rejected by one more person. The irony was that I often picked men who were emotionally unavailable (just like my dad). I sort of set myself up for rejection right from the start.

db