here we go again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 13
here we go again
First I want to say thank you to all that post threads, they help me to realize I am not the only one going through this. My ABF has started drinking again after being sober for 9 months. I broke up with him last year when he was so out of control drinking morning to night 7 days a week. He continued on his drinking binges for about a month till he checked himself into the hospital for detox and started going to meetings. We got back together 2 months into his sobriety. We have been together about 5 years. Everything was great, he was living at home with his parents (after I threw him out). I was living with friends till I found an apartment. he went to meetings 7 days a week and I went to open meetings with him one day a week. It all changed when I found an apartment for me and the kids. He at first said he didn't want to live me yet that he wanted to live on his own and be responsible for himself. I was encouraging and all for him succeeding on his own. He got two jobs, his license back, his 20 year old son came back into his life. Life was good! Then it happened I moved into my apartment and was there for about a week when Saturday night came and he got off work and I didn't hear from him for hours. He had my car but I just knew he was at the bar. He finally called when he needed a ride home, at least he realized he was too drunk to drive. So I used our work van (one of his jobs is with me early in the morning cleaning a retail store floors) picked him up and left my car at the bar. Sunday morning early he wakes me up to say lets go get the car so we drive to the bar and he gets out and says I have to talk to someone inside. I left the work van and took my car. Well he was there all day and when he showed up at my apartment he had his clothes. I said I thought you didn't want to live with me, he said well I do and I don't want to be at my parents house anymore. So of course I was mad and happy at the same time, hoping this was just a "slip" and everything would be great again.
Wrong....that was about a month ago and he is steady drinking again, first weekends, now more. I told him we are not to miss work since if he can't go to work neither can I as we work as a team it takes two to do our job. We missed a monday and had to make it up on saturday, then missed a friday last week and had to work another saturday, now we come to yesterday and he gets off work at 6 pm and doesn't show up at home till 10 drunk (he was in my car again) and this morning he got up and shut our alarm off so I would oversleep and we missed another day so now we will have to make it up saturday again and he seems to not care. So we are sitting here at 7:30 in the morning and I can see the wheels turning in his head he gets up and says I am in a lottery pool at the bar and I have to drop off my money so he showers and leaves for the bar at 8:30 in the morning. He said do you need your car today, even though I had no plans yet I said yes.
I don't want him driving my car, but I am allowing him to drive our work van which doesn't belong to us. We work for a man who supplies our work truck, supplies and gas for the van. So not only is he risking driving the van but using our bosses gas. I keep reminding myself what I have read here the three C's.
I will expect the text messages about all the horrible things I have done in the past, I broke up with him, I threw him out, I was cheating (which I wasn't but his bar friends have convinced him that is why I got "rid" of him). How he is through with me, how he can never trust me nor will he ever marry me, how I am just like every other woman they all cheat. I love him but all I feel right now is I been here done that except the last time I supported him, totally gave him as much money as he wanted, lost my home because of it, and ignored my teenage kids too much. Now I don't give him money, and I spend most of my free time with my kids who are actually getting tired of me being with them LOL. I try to not get angry about his drinking as I have learned it is his disease and I can not control it or cure it. I just want the man back I had a month ago.
Just needed to vent sorry this is so long! I just don't know what to do, he keeps saying do you still love me. you won't throw me out again will you...be patient with me....etc etc.. but then I am told I am a no fun miserable person.
Wrong....that was about a month ago and he is steady drinking again, first weekends, now more. I told him we are not to miss work since if he can't go to work neither can I as we work as a team it takes two to do our job. We missed a monday and had to make it up on saturday, then missed a friday last week and had to work another saturday, now we come to yesterday and he gets off work at 6 pm and doesn't show up at home till 10 drunk (he was in my car again) and this morning he got up and shut our alarm off so I would oversleep and we missed another day so now we will have to make it up saturday again and he seems to not care. So we are sitting here at 7:30 in the morning and I can see the wheels turning in his head he gets up and says I am in a lottery pool at the bar and I have to drop off my money so he showers and leaves for the bar at 8:30 in the morning. He said do you need your car today, even though I had no plans yet I said yes.
I don't want him driving my car, but I am allowing him to drive our work van which doesn't belong to us. We work for a man who supplies our work truck, supplies and gas for the van. So not only is he risking driving the van but using our bosses gas. I keep reminding myself what I have read here the three C's.
I will expect the text messages about all the horrible things I have done in the past, I broke up with him, I threw him out, I was cheating (which I wasn't but his bar friends have convinced him that is why I got "rid" of him). How he is through with me, how he can never trust me nor will he ever marry me, how I am just like every other woman they all cheat. I love him but all I feel right now is I been here done that except the last time I supported him, totally gave him as much money as he wanted, lost my home because of it, and ignored my teenage kids too much. Now I don't give him money, and I spend most of my free time with my kids who are actually getting tired of me being with them LOL. I try to not get angry about his drinking as I have learned it is his disease and I can not control it or cure it. I just want the man back I had a month ago.
Just needed to vent sorry this is so long! I just don't know what to do, he keeps saying do you still love me. you won't throw me out again will you...be patient with me....etc etc.. but then I am told I am a no fun miserable person.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
He knows the rules, you've set good boundaries, he has broken them all.
So unfortunately, it's all on you to make a decision what to do next, isn't it?
I saw no question in your post...so all I can do is ask you...what are you going to do about it?
I will point out something that you already know very well...but it's glaring at me...you also will lose your job if the boss who owns that van finds out that he drinks and drives in it, won't you?
It would be sad to give up income, but what are the consequences if the boss who owns that van finds out that you knew he was drinking and driving it?
So unfortunately, it's all on you to make a decision what to do next, isn't it?
I saw no question in your post...so all I can do is ask you...what are you going to do about it?
I will point out something that you already know very well...but it's glaring at me...you also will lose your job if the boss who owns that van finds out that he drinks and drives in it, won't you?
It would be sad to give up income, but what are the consequences if the boss who owns that van finds out that you knew he was drinking and driving it?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 40
Well, this may just be my own mood, box up his stuff and leave it outside, find someone else to work with you, and throw him out again. Whether it is 9 months or 25 years, it is all the same behavior. If they can't stop it, then we don't have to put up with it (unless we want to, but I know that I don't want to anymore.)
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I agree with MOG, you are going to lose your cleaning job because of his unacceptable behavior. I have found it looks better on my resumes if I have left a job versus being fired from a job. I think it is time to resign from the cleaning job, or ask your employer to provide another co-worker.
I don't understand why he is driving your car? I understand he doesn't have his own vehicle, but you are giving your keys willingly to an active alcoholic. He is putting you and your children at risk of legal consequences of his unacceptable behavior.
You stated that he was not to cause you to miss your cleaning job, yet he has done it three times within 4 weeks. That is 3 times you have accepted unacceptable behavior that puts your job and your income at risk.
I think it is time to send him a text that he needs to pack his clothes and move back to his parents ~ TONIGHT.
You wrote this: " I just don't know what to do, he keeps saying do you still love me. you won't throw me out again will you...be patient with me....etc etc.. but then I am told I am a no fun miserable person. "
I say this about loving him: I had to realize that some people can remain in my heart, just not in my life.
and for the rest of what he says: that is alcoholic manipulation! Standard quacking of active alcoholism.
I don't understand why he is driving your car? I understand he doesn't have his own vehicle, but you are giving your keys willingly to an active alcoholic. He is putting you and your children at risk of legal consequences of his unacceptable behavior.
You stated that he was not to cause you to miss your cleaning job, yet he has done it three times within 4 weeks. That is 3 times you have accepted unacceptable behavior that puts your job and your income at risk.
I think it is time to send him a text that he needs to pack his clothes and move back to his parents ~ TONIGHT.
You wrote this: " I just don't know what to do, he keeps saying do you still love me. you won't throw me out again will you...be patient with me....etc etc.. but then I am told I am a no fun miserable person. "
I say this about loving him: I had to realize that some people can remain in my heart, just not in my life.
and for the rest of what he says: that is alcoholic manipulation! Standard quacking of active alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
Gah... I'm sorry you have to go through this.
When my axbf and I broke up once about 2 years ago he promised me he was going to drink in moderation, work on his anger problems and quit smoking. For a while he did okay but then all the problems started slowly creeping back until they reached a crisis point. I was p.o.'d because of all the B.S. promises, he would drink and smoke behind my back, lie about it and become irritable on top of it all.
Bottom line: your dude cannot be trusted to do what he says he will do. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone you can't trust? What's the point?
I think you need to give him the boot.
When my axbf and I broke up once about 2 years ago he promised me he was going to drink in moderation, work on his anger problems and quit smoking. For a while he did okay but then all the problems started slowly creeping back until they reached a crisis point. I was p.o.'d because of all the B.S. promises, he would drink and smoke behind my back, lie about it and become irritable on top of it all.
Bottom line: your dude cannot be trusted to do what he says he will do. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone you can't trust? What's the point?
I think you need to give him the boot.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 13
thank you for all the responses....this is so hard. My brain knows what to do but my heart is breaking. I know hearts will mend eventually but I lack courage. I found it once and know I can find it again its just doing it!
of course when he finally came home this afternoon he was trying to be sweet brought the kids lunch but then did his usual.....get mad at me for being mad and proceeded to go take a nap where he is now sleeping it off.
he asked if i hated him i replied i don't hate you i don't hate anyone. i am upset, we missed work and you decided to go to the bar at 8:30. I got "oh here we go again always getting on me." I know this is a never ending cycle again. i really do know that...I hate being torn apart I miss the man I had for 7 months I want him back but it doesn't look like he will be back anytime soon. He thinks I should understand he has a disease and he doesn't want to drink he just can't help it. How can he not help it? He gets into the car goes to the bar, drinks till he is smashed. I know all about alcoholism I lived with it as a kid (my dad died of liver disease when I was 10 years old)
Thanks for listening
of course when he finally came home this afternoon he was trying to be sweet brought the kids lunch but then did his usual.....get mad at me for being mad and proceeded to go take a nap where he is now sleeping it off.
he asked if i hated him i replied i don't hate you i don't hate anyone. i am upset, we missed work and you decided to go to the bar at 8:30. I got "oh here we go again always getting on me." I know this is a never ending cycle again. i really do know that...I hate being torn apart I miss the man I had for 7 months I want him back but it doesn't look like he will be back anytime soon. He thinks I should understand he has a disease and he doesn't want to drink he just can't help it. How can he not help it? He gets into the car goes to the bar, drinks till he is smashed. I know all about alcoholism I lived with it as a kid (my dad died of liver disease when I was 10 years old)
Thanks for listening
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
He CAN help it, he just doesn't WANT to. The man you had for 7 months is gone. Try to focus on who he is TODAY. You cannot turn back the clock. I'm sorry to say that it's highly unlikely he will ever be that man again. Just keep reading here on SR and you will see many people posting the same thing, that is, if only he would turn back into who he was BEFORE. It's just not going to happen.
You do realize this person is making your life chaotic, unpredictable, and unmanageable, don't you?
You do realize this person is making your life chaotic, unpredictable, and unmanageable, don't you?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,871
So, what are you going to do when you both lose your jobs? That is very likely to happen if things continue this way. You think you have problems now? Wait until you are both unemployed.
Please save yourself. He's not a child and can decide for himself, but someone needs to be sensible especially since there are children involved.
Please save yourself. He's not a child and can decide for himself, but someone needs to be sensible especially since there are children involved.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I hope you find the strength to do what is right for your children.
They are depending on you to protect, nuture, and love them.
You have the right to send him away to work on his dis-ease. After he gets another 7 months of recovery under his belt, you can revisit dating at that time.
They are depending on you to protect, nuture, and love them.
You have the right to send him away to work on his dis-ease. After he gets another 7 months of recovery under his belt, you can revisit dating at that time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
Originally Posted by Learn2Live 
He CAN help it, he just doesn't WANT to. The man you had for 7 months is gone. Try to focus on who he is TODAY. You cannot turn back the clock. I'm sorry to say that it's highly unlikely he will ever be that man again. Just keep reading here on SR and you will see many people posting the same thing, that is, if only he would turn back into who he was BEFORE. It's just not going to happen.
You do realize this person is making your life chaotic, unpredictable, and unmanageable, don't you?
You do realize this person is making your life chaotic, unpredictable, and unmanageable, don't you?
He CAN help it, he is capable of quitting drinking. People do it all the time, he just is more comfortable being a screw up and expecting you to put up with it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
In my experience thinking about: can he help it or not, does he want it or not, can I think of that thing that can help him if he can't help himself,... - only drove me crazy.
I learned that answer to any of those questions doesn't really matter.
All you have ( and any of us for that matter) is this moment in time - now - present. The only question, IMHO, you should be asking yourself is: is what you have now, in this moment of your life, working for you or not. It is as simple as that. And that is all you have power over - making your life acceptable for you.
You wrote: " I try to not get angry about his drinking as I have learned it is his disease and I can not control it or cure it. I just want the man back I had a month ago." - regardless of it being the desease or not - he is not the man he was a month ago, he will never be, in the future he might be better or worse that than, but as I said, it only matters who he is today.
Is this what you want your life to be? - when I learned this is an yes or no question, my life became very simple, as all my dilemas were resolved.
I wish you well
I learned that answer to any of those questions doesn't really matter.
All you have ( and any of us for that matter) is this moment in time - now - present. The only question, IMHO, you should be asking yourself is: is what you have now, in this moment of your life, working for you or not. It is as simple as that. And that is all you have power over - making your life acceptable for you.
You wrote: " I try to not get angry about his drinking as I have learned it is his disease and I can not control it or cure it. I just want the man back I had a month ago." - regardless of it being the desease or not - he is not the man he was a month ago, he will never be, in the future he might be better or worse that than, but as I said, it only matters who he is today.
Is this what you want your life to be? - when I learned this is an yes or no question, my life became very simple, as all my dilemas were resolved.
I wish you well
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 436
I miss the man I had for 7 months I want him back but it doesn't look like he will be back anytime soon.
I left my AH in June 2011 after 23yrs of marriage. I had 18 months of individual therapy, SR and Al-anon under my belt and got to the stage where I could see that I was important, my health was important and I deserved to live a happy, healthy life.
Living with an active alcoholic wasnt working for me. Most of the time he was a good, loving husband but I was tired of walking on eggshells not knowing if today was the day he would snap and lived quite a lonely life in constant stress, anxiety and fear.
He contacted me about 3 months after I left saying that he had reached his bottom and wanted to stop drinking. He had been to his doctor for depression medication and was seeing a therapist. He stopped drinking a month later and has now been sober for a year.
He moved into my home a few months ago but only because he was showing me, everyday, that he was committed to staying sober and consistently behaving in a responsible, loving, and respectful way.
I still have my internal strength and self esteem, that I worked on building up for many months at therapy, SR and Al-anon and continue to look after myself. I know that I could never live with an active drinker again. I have a very firm boundary about this and my AH is very clear of my boundary.
My life and my relationship with my AH is consistently happy, calm, gentle, loving and respectful and that is why it is working but I wouldnt hesitate to make changes to my life if it became stressful, panic ridden again.
You say you have found that strength to break up with him before and its definitely time to do it again. We loose sight of ourselves living with an alcoholic, it happens but you can take your power back. You do deserve to lead a happy, healthy life - remember that.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Hi Lizzie,
Welcome to the forum! Please visit here often, post as often as you like and take care of you.
I went back and read your earlier post and I am going to copy it here for this thread as there are some important questions you ask about what you are going through that others can help you answer and understand your A's behaviors.
Lizzie wrote" "Amazing I had the same evening last night and every weekend night for the past 3 weeks. Boyfriend was sober for 9 months. ( I broke up with him after 4 years together last august because of his drinking morning to night) I moved away, he went to rehab got sober and I came back to town 2 months into his sobriety, we got back together and for the next 7 months everything was great, we were happy going on dates etc....then we moved in together and the very first night he went to his old hang out and got drunk and drove my car. He said it was a slip up and it wouldn't happen again......well that was 3 weeks ago and now its back to the way it used to be. Every night that he is drunk I get numerous text messages about I was the one who dumped him, moved away, now he believes I was cheating on him and keeps calling me a wh.... I tried to not fight back with angry words but lost it after the last comment. Now it 10:00 in the morning on a Sunday and where is he in the bar. At least I won't let him take my car but he is still driving drunk. He told me last night I was a miserable person who will never be happy and he has fun drinking and wants to do it. I am not fun like his friends...and we spend enough time together and he wants to be with his "friends". You know drinking friends are only friends when your a drunk with them, none of these "friends" were supportive of him while sober. They would say to him when he called them you can have a beer once in awhile....what kind of friend is this? I hate feeling like I am the one who causes his drinking....I was the enabler the last time, I supported him gave him money to drink, this time I have not given him money as he has two jobs since being sober but I am afraid he will lose them due to drinking. People blamed me the first time that he drank so much because of me, since we got back together while he was sober is it my fault again, do I make him so unhappy that he has to turn to alcohol? "
The path you are on is one that many of us have walked more than you can know and the alcoholic dance you are in is textbook manipulations by your relapsed A.
The biggest alcoholic con in the game is convincing you that you are to blame for his drinking to start the cycle of guilt... RULE # 1... you did not cause him to drink and you cannot cause him to stop!
Your A drinks because that is what alcoholics do. Alcoholics can stop drinking... it is staying STOPPED that is the issue. Your A wants to drink! Period!
Abstaining from alcohol is not true recovery and it is often short lived. The small percentage of alcoholics that make it back from the abyss of alcoholism find peace, joy and serenity by working a spiritual program of recovery EVERY DAY... it is not a one time experience it is a psychic change and total lifestyle change. It is breaking up with alcohol for good.
Your guy has zero interest in that. So what you are experiencing right now is probably the best it is going to be because alcoholism is progressive. It will get worse... much worse.
The only thing you can do is take care of you! It is a great project because you are worth it and life can be an amazing and wonderful place sans the insanity of alcoholic relationships!
In my own experience I was in a 4 year relationship with an alcoholic who I was crazy about but when he drank I executed a firm no alcohol boundary and immediately would remove him from my life. I must have packed his stuff 10 different times and put them in storage! But... he would straighten up and be sooooo sweet and sweet talk his way back into my life!
So what is different now? He is sober again and in a sober living house 2500 miles away after a 3 month binge in Las Vegas and I am still crazy about him... but I packed him up for the last time!
He is not relationship material! Even sober and in real recovery he will always be a RISK for relapse. I can love him from afar and pray for him but he is NEVER going to live with me again!
And now you are at a crossroads in your life. This guy is NOT relationship material right now and may never be! He will always be alcoholic and either drinking, relapsing, abstinent or in real recovery. Unless something changes he will be drinking and trying to make you think you are crazy for causing it!
It is easy for us oldtimers to give advice and we try not to ... but the only way to fix our lives is to fix OUR LIVES not theirs! You have to unwind your childhood memories (you can't even remember them but trust me having an alkie daddy affects us girls more than you will ever know) and in my case I have to work on fixing my "broken picker" that makes me want to snuggle up with hard core real alcoholics!
If you are not in alanon I would strongly recommend finding some meetings and trying to find a group you can identify with. In my case I have unraveled myself with great counseling and lots of books on alcoholism and codependency. This website is a great place and during the 4 months my ex was in Vegas I was here every night! It got me through the bad times and helped me get grounded and now... I am very, very happy!
Last... but not least. Boundaries. You have to determine what your boundaries are. Mine was NO ALCOHOL! If he drank he got booted. He drank anyway... it's what they do.
What are your boundaries? What kind of life do you want for you and your family? Whatever boundary you set... enforce it... do what you say you are going to do.
Givng him a soft comfy place to land and a vehicle is enabling... you are putting others at risk by giving him a deadly weapon with wheels. It is not fair to the owner of the van... please rethink this decision for your own well being as there is potential liability and you would feel terrible if he killed someone!
I know this is long but your story reminded me of me so many long years ago... you can take this bad situation and turn it around for good... maybe not for him but for you!
You are worth it! TAke care of you. STart today!
Welcome to the forum! Please visit here often, post as often as you like and take care of you.
I went back and read your earlier post and I am going to copy it here for this thread as there are some important questions you ask about what you are going through that others can help you answer and understand your A's behaviors.
Lizzie wrote" "Amazing I had the same evening last night and every weekend night for the past 3 weeks. Boyfriend was sober for 9 months. ( I broke up with him after 4 years together last august because of his drinking morning to night) I moved away, he went to rehab got sober and I came back to town 2 months into his sobriety, we got back together and for the next 7 months everything was great, we were happy going on dates etc....then we moved in together and the very first night he went to his old hang out and got drunk and drove my car. He said it was a slip up and it wouldn't happen again......well that was 3 weeks ago and now its back to the way it used to be. Every night that he is drunk I get numerous text messages about I was the one who dumped him, moved away, now he believes I was cheating on him and keeps calling me a wh.... I tried to not fight back with angry words but lost it after the last comment. Now it 10:00 in the morning on a Sunday and where is he in the bar. At least I won't let him take my car but he is still driving drunk. He told me last night I was a miserable person who will never be happy and he has fun drinking and wants to do it. I am not fun like his friends...and we spend enough time together and he wants to be with his "friends". You know drinking friends are only friends when your a drunk with them, none of these "friends" were supportive of him while sober. They would say to him when he called them you can have a beer once in awhile....what kind of friend is this? I hate feeling like I am the one who causes his drinking....I was the enabler the last time, I supported him gave him money to drink, this time I have not given him money as he has two jobs since being sober but I am afraid he will lose them due to drinking. People blamed me the first time that he drank so much because of me, since we got back together while he was sober is it my fault again, do I make him so unhappy that he has to turn to alcohol? "
The path you are on is one that many of us have walked more than you can know and the alcoholic dance you are in is textbook manipulations by your relapsed A.
The biggest alcoholic con in the game is convincing you that you are to blame for his drinking to start the cycle of guilt... RULE # 1... you did not cause him to drink and you cannot cause him to stop!
Your A drinks because that is what alcoholics do. Alcoholics can stop drinking... it is staying STOPPED that is the issue. Your A wants to drink! Period!
Abstaining from alcohol is not true recovery and it is often short lived. The small percentage of alcoholics that make it back from the abyss of alcoholism find peace, joy and serenity by working a spiritual program of recovery EVERY DAY... it is not a one time experience it is a psychic change and total lifestyle change. It is breaking up with alcohol for good.
Your guy has zero interest in that. So what you are experiencing right now is probably the best it is going to be because alcoholism is progressive. It will get worse... much worse.
The only thing you can do is take care of you! It is a great project because you are worth it and life can be an amazing and wonderful place sans the insanity of alcoholic relationships!
In my own experience I was in a 4 year relationship with an alcoholic who I was crazy about but when he drank I executed a firm no alcohol boundary and immediately would remove him from my life. I must have packed his stuff 10 different times and put them in storage! But... he would straighten up and be sooooo sweet and sweet talk his way back into my life!
So what is different now? He is sober again and in a sober living house 2500 miles away after a 3 month binge in Las Vegas and I am still crazy about him... but I packed him up for the last time!
He is not relationship material! Even sober and in real recovery he will always be a RISK for relapse. I can love him from afar and pray for him but he is NEVER going to live with me again!
And now you are at a crossroads in your life. This guy is NOT relationship material right now and may never be! He will always be alcoholic and either drinking, relapsing, abstinent or in real recovery. Unless something changes he will be drinking and trying to make you think you are crazy for causing it!
It is easy for us oldtimers to give advice and we try not to ... but the only way to fix our lives is to fix OUR LIVES not theirs! You have to unwind your childhood memories (you can't even remember them but trust me having an alkie daddy affects us girls more than you will ever know) and in my case I have to work on fixing my "broken picker" that makes me want to snuggle up with hard core real alcoholics!
If you are not in alanon I would strongly recommend finding some meetings and trying to find a group you can identify with. In my case I have unraveled myself with great counseling and lots of books on alcoholism and codependency. This website is a great place and during the 4 months my ex was in Vegas I was here every night! It got me through the bad times and helped me get grounded and now... I am very, very happy!
Last... but not least. Boundaries. You have to determine what your boundaries are. Mine was NO ALCOHOL! If he drank he got booted. He drank anyway... it's what they do.
What are your boundaries? What kind of life do you want for you and your family? Whatever boundary you set... enforce it... do what you say you are going to do.
Givng him a soft comfy place to land and a vehicle is enabling... you are putting others at risk by giving him a deadly weapon with wheels. It is not fair to the owner of the van... please rethink this decision for your own well being as there is potential liability and you would feel terrible if he killed someone!
I know this is long but your story reminded me of me so many long years ago... you can take this bad situation and turn it around for good... maybe not for him but for you!
You are worth it! TAke care of you. STart today!
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