D Day has arrived...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
D Day has arrived...
Yet he has done nothing about it.
Ass-hole and I had agreed that he would get his tax return money and keep it all in order that he move out. I agreed that I would also loan him my tax return money in order that he move out.
During a drunken rampage on Sunday night, he demanded I transfer my tax return money to his bank account NOW! I told him that he would get the loan of my tax return money when he had his in his bank account. I'm not forking over a thousand bucks so he can drink it and still stay here!
Our agreement is that when he gets his tax return money I loan him mine and he leaves.
Today he got his tax return money. I know this because I did his tax return - he is incapable of doing it himself as he is always drunk and drugged. He knows he has his tax return money because he checks his bank account like a man possessed - well he is actually possessed, LOL!
Not a word from him at all today. Nothing. All fake sweetness and light.
I've noticed for the last few weeks that every time I use the bathroom he takes that opportunity to think he is sneaking outside to smoke pot from his bong. If it wasn't for the fact that I hear the door slam as soon as I start to pee and I can smell the pot on him and in the house I would have no clue. He is so clever.
Can anyone tell me how an adult male can live on nothing but red wine from a box, marijuana, cigarettes and perhaps eating a very small meal at dinner time 4 times a week? (at least 3 times a week he refuses to eat anything at evening meal time). How is it possible?
Friday nights he drinks red wine from a box interspersed with marijuana from a bong (at least 4-5 times) and refuses to eat. He is unconscious at about 1am but wakes at about 3am to drink at least 1 more big glass of red wine from a box.
On weekends he gets up at around 11am.
Midday - 1.00pm. First beer of the day. Continues to drink and smoke marijuana until 1-2am Sunday morning.
Rinse and repeat for Sunday.
Most Mondays he is too sick to go to work. He has a rather unusual flu or a bad cold that no-one else in the house has.
His bowels are now starting to explode out of other places than his anus.
I'll explain that for you: He has the scours so often and so badly that he has to wipe his "poor sore bottom" more often than other people. He now has a giant cyst thing with a hole in it above his anus - he drunkenly told me about it (and he forgets that he did). This combined with the constant scours and the haemorrhoids (piles) and his constant "flu" make him bleat:
"I'm a chronically ill man, you should have some sympathy!"
And then I go to bed and I hear him pour himself another wine from his box. I also hear his marijuana bong bubbling away as he inhales a cone just before he pretends to sleep...being unconscious is not sleeping.
Only to have to wake up the next morning to hear him coughing until he vomits, watch him shake like an old man and hear him poop like he is a racehorse peeing.
I've raved on. Sorry.
He hasn't done a single thing about using his money to move out. Not even mentioned it. All he has done is smoke bongs, drink box wine and whine about his "flu" his very very poor sore throat and his poor sore bottom.
Ass-hole and I had agreed that he would get his tax return money and keep it all in order that he move out. I agreed that I would also loan him my tax return money in order that he move out.
During a drunken rampage on Sunday night, he demanded I transfer my tax return money to his bank account NOW! I told him that he would get the loan of my tax return money when he had his in his bank account. I'm not forking over a thousand bucks so he can drink it and still stay here!
Our agreement is that when he gets his tax return money I loan him mine and he leaves.
Today he got his tax return money. I know this because I did his tax return - he is incapable of doing it himself as he is always drunk and drugged. He knows he has his tax return money because he checks his bank account like a man possessed - well he is actually possessed, LOL!
Not a word from him at all today. Nothing. All fake sweetness and light.
I've noticed for the last few weeks that every time I use the bathroom he takes that opportunity to think he is sneaking outside to smoke pot from his bong. If it wasn't for the fact that I hear the door slam as soon as I start to pee and I can smell the pot on him and in the house I would have no clue. He is so clever.
Can anyone tell me how an adult male can live on nothing but red wine from a box, marijuana, cigarettes and perhaps eating a very small meal at dinner time 4 times a week? (at least 3 times a week he refuses to eat anything at evening meal time). How is it possible?
Friday nights he drinks red wine from a box interspersed with marijuana from a bong (at least 4-5 times) and refuses to eat. He is unconscious at about 1am but wakes at about 3am to drink at least 1 more big glass of red wine from a box.
On weekends he gets up at around 11am.
Midday - 1.00pm. First beer of the day. Continues to drink and smoke marijuana until 1-2am Sunday morning.
Rinse and repeat for Sunday.
Most Mondays he is too sick to go to work. He has a rather unusual flu or a bad cold that no-one else in the house has.
His bowels are now starting to explode out of other places than his anus.
I'll explain that for you: He has the scours so often and so badly that he has to wipe his "poor sore bottom" more often than other people. He now has a giant cyst thing with a hole in it above his anus - he drunkenly told me about it (and he forgets that he did). This combined with the constant scours and the haemorrhoids (piles) and his constant "flu" make him bleat:
"I'm a chronically ill man, you should have some sympathy!"
And then I go to bed and I hear him pour himself another wine from his box. I also hear his marijuana bong bubbling away as he inhales a cone just before he pretends to sleep...being unconscious is not sleeping.
Only to have to wake up the next morning to hear him coughing until he vomits, watch him shake like an old man and hear him poop like he is a racehorse peeing.
I've raved on. Sorry.
He hasn't done a single thing about using his money to move out. Not even mentioned it. All he has done is smoke bongs, drink box wine and whine about his "flu" his very very poor sore throat and his poor sore bottom.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
If you give him money, don't expect it back.
Nothing will happen until he wants to stay stopped. The weed amplifies his alcohol buzz. Those were my choices--weed and alcohol. Sounds like he may have a medical concern above what you've mentioned. His body seems to be malnutritioned (alcohol changes the stomach lining --and other organs, and some vitamins and minerals can't be absorbed well)
I'm so sorry you are caught up in this. I don't have any real suggestions for you. Have you spoken with an attorney?
Love & hugs,
Nothing will happen until he wants to stay stopped. The weed amplifies his alcohol buzz. Those were my choices--weed and alcohol. Sounds like he may have a medical concern above what you've mentioned. His body seems to be malnutritioned (alcohol changes the stomach lining --and other organs, and some vitamins and minerals can't be absorbed well)
I'm so sorry you are caught up in this. I don't have any real suggestions for you. Have you spoken with an attorney?
Love & hugs,
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 209
Why would you give him YOUR tax money??? That's crazy, you need it more than him.
Let him move his sorry ass (literally) out with his tax money.
It is up to you to stop living with this disgusting situation, start making plans and take care of you.
The alcohol will take care of him and there is nothing you can do about it....
Let him move his sorry ass (literally) out with his tax money.
It is up to you to stop living with this disgusting situation, start making plans and take care of you.
The alcohol will take care of him and there is nothing you can do about it....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
I would NEVER agree to give him my tax refund. Knowing what fine financial wizards active alkie's are, it's safe to say he will just drink it all up.
I do not believe he has any intention of moving out, this is a form of manipulation. Please reconsider your decision to give him YOUR money. Save your money you are going to need it, you may be the one having to move.......
I do not believe he has any intention of moving out, this is a form of manipulation. Please reconsider your decision to give him YOUR money. Save your money you are going to need it, you may be the one having to move.......
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
well in my experience stalling, stonewalling, blameshifting, raging and then tip toeing around the next day thinking it will all blow over is really par for the course.
When I've been in your shoes, I usually have to have plan B, C and D in the hopper for additional steps.
It always helps me to detach detach as much as possible, keep pushing forward to freedom and strive to be the sane one in an insane situation.
you're getting closer. Keep working!!!
When I've been in your shoes, I usually have to have plan B, C and D in the hopper for additional steps.
It always helps me to detach detach as much as possible, keep pushing forward to freedom and strive to be the sane one in an insane situation.
you're getting closer. Keep working!!!
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Oh and by the way, I wish I hadn't read this. You're going to need massive amounts of exercise, prayer, support and disinfectants to be done with this
His bowels are now starting to explode out of other places than his anus.
I'll explain that for you: He has the scours so often and so badly that he has to wipe his "poor sore bottom" more often than other people. He now has a giant cyst thing with a hole in it above his anus - he drunkenly told me about it (and he forgets that he did). This combined with the constant scours and the haemorrhoids (piles) and his constant "flu" make him bleat:
I'll explain that for you: He has the scours so often and so badly that he has to wipe his "poor sore bottom" more often than other people. He now has a giant cyst thing with a hole in it above his anus - he drunkenly told me about it (and he forgets that he did). This combined with the constant scours and the haemorrhoids (piles) and his constant "flu" make him bleat:
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
(((Lulu))) Geez, that sounds like a nightmare. I suppose at this point, you may need to contact an attorney to set it up so that he has to move out and you can have posession of the marital home (I think that's how it goes). An attorney would be able to advise you of the most expedient course of action.
I do agree with the others, keep your part of the return for yourself.
I do agree with the others, keep your part of the return for yourself.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
Because you help him do it...
Originally Posted by Lulu39 
Can anyone tell me how an adult male can live on nothing but red wine from a box, marijuana, cigarettes and perhaps eating a very small meal at dinner time 4 times a week? (at least 3 times a week he refuses to eat anything at evening meal time). How is it possible?
If he won't move than you do. If you give him the money know you will never see it again-- EVER. For Christ's sake, you did his taxes! He's a grown man! Stop being his mommy!
Please consider Alanon so you can understand your behavior in the context of this relationship, and perhaps make better decisions for yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Good God. I am not sure what to say here.
Lulu, good luck getting him to move out. I have a suspicion the responsibility to change your life is on you. Can you take your tax refund and find another place to live?
Lulu, good luck getting him to move out. I have a suspicion the responsibility to change your life is on you. Can you take your tax refund and find another place to live?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Originally Posted by Cyranoak
You are how. You are the reason he can do it. You are the one that enables it, and you are about to do it again.
If he won't move than you do. If you give him the money know you will never see it again-- EVER. For Christ's sake, you did his taxes! He's a grown man! Stop being his mommy!
Please consider Alanon so you can understand your behavior in the context of this relationship, and perhaps make better decisions for yourself.
If he won't move than you do. If you give him the money know you will never see it again-- EVER. For Christ's sake, you did his taxes! He's a grown man! Stop being his mommy!
Please consider Alanon so you can understand your behavior in the context of this relationship, and perhaps make better decisions for yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Originally Posted by Cyranoak
If he won't move than you do. If you give him the money know you will never see it again-- EVER.
You are also assuming that I am simply handing it over. I will not.
He will have to sign for it and acknowledge it as a loan. Then, when I re-mortgage I will take anything he owes me out of his share of the equity. He can't afford to re-mortgage on his own, only I can.
If I leave, he can't afford the mortgage on this property thus it will be foreclosed on when he doesn't pay it and thus I end up in a lose/lose situation. I can afford the mortgage on this property and I am not leaving it so he can have it foreclosed on and thus **** me over once again.
You forgot another M - MONEY.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
"...if he's going to burn the house down, would you rather be in it with him, or safe somewhere else? I doubt you were put down here on this earth to follow a grown man with a dustpan, a fire extinguisher, and a pack of Huggies."---GiveLove
LOL! Do you have a camera in my house?
He actually did almost burn the house down! Burned the kitchen down anyway. That was so exciting! Waking up to him wailing about the house being on fire. Evacuating the children. Calling the fire brigade. Months of living in a house with no kitchen. Great times, not.
I took photos of the aftermath of the fire. It wasn't until months afterwards that I noticed from the photos how he had started the fire: He had turned on a pot of oil he left on the stove thinking it was water in order to boil eggs and then fallen asleep. I saw the two eggs in the photos of the burned out kitchen and realised how out of place they were considering we had not used eggs that evening. He often boils eggs at 2am after he has been drinking all day, not eaten anything and tossed his evening meal in the bin - even if he has cooked it.
Now, before I go to bed, I make sure there is nothing on the stovetop. Fires are bad and can kill people.
LOL! Do you have a camera in my house?
He actually did almost burn the house down! Burned the kitchen down anyway. That was so exciting! Waking up to him wailing about the house being on fire. Evacuating the children. Calling the fire brigade. Months of living in a house with no kitchen. Great times, not.
I took photos of the aftermath of the fire. It wasn't until months afterwards that I noticed from the photos how he had started the fire: He had turned on a pot of oil he left on the stove thinking it was water in order to boil eggs and then fallen asleep. I saw the two eggs in the photos of the burned out kitchen and realised how out of place they were considering we had not used eggs that evening. He often boils eggs at 2am after he has been drinking all day, not eaten anything and tossed his evening meal in the bin - even if he has cooked it.
Now, before I go to bed, I make sure there is nothing on the stovetop. Fires are bad and can kill people.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Originally Posted by Lulu39
You appear to be making the assumption that I even care about never seeing this money again. I don't care. It's only money. Whatever it costs financially, at the time, I will pay.
You are also assuming that I am simply handing it over. I will not.
He will have to sign for it and acknowledge it as a loan. Then, when I re-mortgage I will take anything he owes me out of his share of the equity. He can't afford to re-mortgage on his own, only I can.
If I leave, he can't afford the mortgage on this property thus it will be foreclosed on when he doesn't pay it and thus I end up in a lose/lose situation. I can afford the mortgage on this property and I am not leaving it so he can have it foreclosed on and thus **** me over once again.
You forgot another M - MONEY.
You are also assuming that I am simply handing it over. I will not.
He will have to sign for it and acknowledge it as a loan. Then, when I re-mortgage I will take anything he owes me out of his share of the equity. He can't afford to re-mortgage on his own, only I can.
If I leave, he can't afford the mortgage on this property thus it will be foreclosed on when he doesn't pay it and thus I end up in a lose/lose situation. I can afford the mortgage on this property and I am not leaving it so he can have it foreclosed on and thus **** me over once again.
You forgot another M - MONEY.
People in active addictions don't honor deals very well. Often, they agree to get us off their backs, and go do what they want to do anyway.
The warning here from other posters is to understand that you are behaving rationally with an irrational person. And those rarely work out to our satisfaction or expectation.
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