JoeysGirl

My boyfriend had all his pre-detox test run, and he is now scheduled to return tomorrow afternoon to be admitted. He went home with his parents; they insisted; I didn’t argue and figured it was safer beause Im sure there are drugs stashed in our house that I don’t know about. I came home after we all left the medical center and was going to try to relax and get some rest because I haven’t had much in the last few days.

Im settling down on the couch finally, and then his mom calls and wants to know if he is here. They cant find him. He was supposed to be out on the deck getting some air and thinking, and poof gone. He didn’t have keys to a car, so he must have walked off. He couldnt walk here because we are a good 20 minutes away. He didnt answer his phone. I went out for two hours drove the route between there and here a couple times and no sign of him. Then about half hour after I get home his mom calls and he is back. I talked to him and I could tell he was high. I don’t think his mom knows, or at least she didn’t act like it. I didn’t tell her. He denied it of course. Im so angry with him. So sad. A few days ago he almost died. If his friend hadn’t got help, he would have died. And now he is back at it after promising to detox tomorrow and then rehab. This is the most insane disease ever. Please say a prayer for him.

crazybabie

It is common before one enters rehab to get high IMO this shows me he is NOT ready he feels forced too do this. I wish you the best.

YearForMe

Your title: between death and rehab....he gets high again!

That....right there....is addiction.

His brain is hijacked by the drug. The drug whispers in his ear and beckons him.
He doesnt hear you, he doesnt hear his mom.....
He only hears the whisper of the drug...and will crawl thru hot molten lava to get to her...the drug.

Ann

Back before recovery I drove many times at midnight through neighbourhoods that no mama ought to drive. It didn't help my son and it put my life at risk...and yes, that is the sickness of codependency. It was when I drove over an hour to a town where he lived to go to a crackhouse and then threaten to kick down the door if they didn't send him out, a stupid dangerous thing to do and completely out of character for me, that I knew I was so sick I needed help. It was then I surrendered and gave my son's care to God and began looking after myself.

I pray your boyfriend will make it to rehab and turn his life around. And I also hope that you will find yourself some meetings and at least go see what they are all about. And maybe pick up a copy of the book "Codependent No More", perhaps the best book on codependency ever written.

I know how unsettling and painful all this is. But it doesn't have to make you crazy...we do that part to ourselves.

Hugs

BeingStill

My son and his gf are both addicts in early recovery. On one trip to the dope house, she OD'd and her heart stopped while they were sitting in the car. He pulled her out into the middle of the street and screamed for someone to call 911. The residents of the 'hood informed him that no ambulance would ever show up there. He ended up fumbling his way through CPR and miraculously saved her life.

They went back the next morning. You have no clue what you're signing up for. Educate yourself. Fast.

kmangel

I think it's not uncommon for an addict to squeeze a lot of drugs in before going to rehab. When my son was ordered by a judge to rehab, he arrived high. The judge had said that he had to find and admit himself by Monday morning, it was Friday when we visited, and he wanted to come back on Monday to be admitted. He wanted to spend the entire weekend cramming as much drugs in his body as he could. We all (the staff and my husband and I) encouraged him to stay, not leave the rehab, and he agreed to stay. I hope your boyfriend will admit himself to a rehab now that he is using again. My son probably wouldn't have made it back to his rehab had he left that Friday.

outtolunch

Same thing on my end, back when.

To this day I think those in the crack house were more afraid of me than I was of them, in the moment. I also imposed my self into drug deals going down between people who were "packing". I allowed my codependency to drive me to the brink of insanity. At the time I was convinced my love could cure my daughter and called it support. I was mistaken.

outtolunch

The more I focused on my daughter, the never ending drama and her choices the less I focused on controlling the only thing I had control of- my reactions.

Marcus

You can throw logic out the window when it comes to drug addiction. Hopefully you can use this event to help weigh your options before plunking down a bunch of cash for Rapid Detox. How would you feel if you spent 10 grand on that and he is back on the streets a week later?

There is just no way to know if he is ready or not. Currently he has no coping skills and is at the mercy of his thoughts. His brain is hijacked and until he gets the drugs out of his system and starts some sort of recovery program this type of stuff is par for the course. You hear of alcoholics getting new livers and then drinking right through them. Drug addicts OD and then leave the hospital and go score. Sadly this type of thing happens every day.

Sorry you are going through this. Take care of yourself. He is an adult. He has opportunities in front of him to get clean. He is going to do what he is going to do.

washbe2

In the past, I, too, have driven in places no mama should ever go. I've had those crazy stares that want to know if I'm looking for drugs or am I a spy. When I think back to all of the places and times of night I have been out in the car, shaking like a leaf in the wind, trying to find son to pick him up. It is a form of insanity. I still do many crazy things, but when he has gone off, now I tell him to get back the same way he got there.

My heart breaks for the craziness of all this. It's hard to let go, but you do need to really rethink this relationship. The margins are small for successful, full-time recovery.
Is this how you choose to spend your life? I hope not. Maybe one day there will be a real cure of this thing called addiction. Til then, I would not want any part of it.

I couldn't in good conscious want a girl to be involved with my son. It's just setting up for fretting, sadness, and agony. I love him so much, but I know what life is like with him. I hurt for him and have done everything anyone could possibly do. None of it has worked. So if you stay with his guy, be ready. Think this through carefully. I care.

Pock89

I'm really sorry to hear that he's using again. You need to educate yourself on addiction. If you were educated about addiction, you would realize this is not unusual behavior. The word "logic" no longer exists when someone is in active addiction. The only thing the addict cares about is the drug. The addict is consumed by scoring the drug, getting high, and then figuring out how to get their next fix. It's a vicious cycle and will not be broken overnight. Once a person is an addict, they will always be an addict. Sure, some will work a recovery program, and stay away from drugs/alcohol. But they will always be one bad decision away from a relapse. Addiction is a life sentence. It's comparable to an illness with no known cure. It can be controlled, but never cured.
I love my boyfriend. Yes, he's an addict. Yes, I've seen hell because of it. Yes, he's doing well now. And yes, he may relapse. The possibility is always there. If you want to enter a relationship with an addict, know that you never know what tomorrow will bring.
He may get clean, and stay clean. He may get clean, and relapse. He may never get clean.
You need to decide what YOU want. What do you want your future to look like? If you want to be in a relationship with an addict, you need to get yourself mentally healthy. I know you don't think you need help, but all signs seem to point to the fact that maybe you're a bit codependent. Have you read about codependency? Google it. Google the signs/symptoms. See if you can relate.
I know when I first came to this site, I hated the word "codependent". I hated when people would label me as codependent. But you know what? I had so many crazy emotions going on and I felt like a complete nutcase. I felt like I was losing my mind. And being "diagnosed" with something, to know that there was a reason why I acted this way, that I wasn't alone, and that others suffered from it too, was such a relief!
I urge you to just read up on codependency. I'm not labeling you as anything, condemning you to al-anon, or telling you that you're crazy. I'm simply saying, MAYBE you could benefit from doing a little research on what's going on inside of you...

Again, wishing you nothing but the best.

lesliej

you can drive til your wheels fall off and talk til you're blue in the face and your lungs fail...

one of the truest symptoms of codependency is thinking you can somehow get between an addict and their drug.

outtolunch

The pause that refreshes, especially when the doc is opiates/opioids....

kmangel

This reminds me of my son just before he went to rehab when I had my angry talk with him, knowing that he was heading to court-ordered-rehab. I told him not to use any more drugs. He said "Okay, Mom". Yeah, right, like that was being realistic of me. I had my idea of what needed to happen and then there was what was really going to happen. He was in active addiction. It was going to take professional help weaning him off the drugs. If he could just stop taking the drugs, he wouldn't have needed rehab. I've learned a lot since that conversation!

Learn2Live

What's insane to me is driving around for two hours searching for a grown adult. I've done it before and never again.

JoeysGirl

My driving around wasn’t quite as bad as some of your experiences I don’t think. I was not out of my mind, and not trying to stop him from getting the drugs, but I thought he might be walking from here to there, or headed to one of his friends where he could get a fix. If he wandered into the bad parts of the city then he was on his own, because I don’t go near those places in the daytime. But I went to McDonalds and got myself a big fruit smoothy and a couple little hamburgers, and then I drove towards his parents and went down a few side streets, and then drove back, and then did it once more but this time I stopped and got a Dr .Pepper. Had the music playing, and was just driving slow. I didn’t go into his parents because I could tell his mom was really upset when he was missing and I didn’t want to deal with her emotional state. I was right about that because around 4am he called me and he was telling me that he had to see me before he entered rehab, and would I come and get him and bring him home. I told him no it was the middle of the night and his parents would go crazy, and I would see him in the morning. Id come a little early and we could spend an hour together alone. He tells me he already left the house and he had a huge blowup with his parents. I guess one of them concluded that he was high and they were of course really angry. So he bolted on foot. He said his dad was yelling at him and told him if he left never to come back, and his mom was screaming and ran out after him, and he kept walking. He said she came after him in the car and he went through other peoples yards to get away from her. It sounded a crazy mess. I told him I would come and get him, if he could get to a place with an address. And then I called his parents and told them I was going to try to bring him home with me, or back to them. His mom said if he didnt not turn himself in for the detox today then they were done with him. It was horrible.

I get him back to our house and he is right at that point where he is all lovey dove and wants to be with me, and he is starting to cry and say I wont wait for him while he goes to the 45 day rehab, and he needs to be with me. Then he started to get all mad because honestly who wants to do it with a guy who looks like sh**t and who Ive had to chase around half the night and now he is high and close to passing out. Im thinking I cant wait until tomorrow when you are unconscious during that procedure, and I cant wait to be away from you for 45 days because right now I don’t even like you. Yeah I said that TO MYSELF, and then I let him crawl into bed with me; but I was right short lived because he was then out. Disgusting I know, and degrading of self. I love who he used to be, but I do not even like who he has been these last few weeks. He slipped into the bathroom this morning, and got high again. Went with me to his parents high. Pretty sure he took more at their house because he was in the bathroom a long time again. His parents were cool but they said he was doing the right thing, and he would get better if he tried. And then he checked himself into the rehab still high. And whoever said they thought it was common, I guess so. I asked him why he would do that , and he just said the procedure will clean out all the drugs so why did it matter. I can think of a million reasons – But now there is peace. He is unconscious in the medical center going through his detox. I left, it will take hours, His parents are there. Thanks for letting me get all this out. Its helped a lot.

After the detox, the vivitrol shot he gets will prevent him from getting high on opiates. He is terrified of this because he says he will have pain from his back, and nothing will fix it if he cant have the opiates. Right now he is in a ‘you will see’ kind of place.

Freedom1990

And what kind of place are you at with your life right now?

I know a lot about him, and very little about you.

How are you feeling? What are your plans for the rest of the day?

nerdygirl

It sucks to feel this way, but it feels GOOD when the feelings of hate and dislike creep into my mind. That's when I know my strength will hold. That's when I know my own will power will not allow me to give in. When I'm hurt, crying, blubbering and whining, I'm not strong. I'm weak and allowing him to walk all over me. Get me mad though and I'm done. I wish for anger sometimes...

Vale

Marcus gets my vote for quote of the day!

>>>>You can throw logic out the window when it comes to drug addiction. Hopefully you can use this event to help weigh your options before plunking down a bunch of cash for Rapid Detox. How would you feel if you spent 10 grand on that and he is back on the streets a week later?<<<<<<<

Thanks,Marcus!

JoeysGirl

I didnt spend any money. His parents are paying for the detox and the rehab for him. The doctors all have good things to say about the vivitrol, so hoping it works.

Right now Im planning on meeting one of my friends for an early dinner, and then I will come home and relax. I will call and check on him later, but he will be out all night I have been told.

Im going to stick by him throug this detox and rehab, and then I will see how he is when he gets out. I doubt we will have a lot of communication while he is gone. He is going to a place out of state, and they also said the first 2 weeks there wont be much contact with family. The rehab sounds good and it looks nice from what we saw online, and the information that was emailed to us. Right now Im just glad this is starting for him, and will see how it goes.

Ive already put the sheets in the washer and cleaned the bathroom. I cant wait to get every druggie reminder out of this whole house. I feel so icky wish I could dip myself in lysol.