tryingformyfam

Me and my girlfriend have had many issues due to drinking, i recently got arrested because we got into a fight where it for physical. We are together now and better than ever but we all know that's how it always is whenever we make up with our ladies then it just goes back to the same ol stuff from the last tim. I'm really serious about quitting drinking but every time i try she will still drink and i just go right back to it because she does it and i can't help it because we do everything together. We have children and trying to save our family. I want to know your opinions on this should we stop together even though she doesn't have a drinking problem because it just causes me to fall back into it. I want her to stop but feel bad asking her to quit to, but our family is really important to me and i want us to live a sober life because we get along and love eachother so much more when we don't drink.thanks nick.

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Nick

I don't think it'd work/be a good idea to make your recovery dependent on your girlfriend quitting too, especially if she doesn't really have a drinking problem...

What have you been doing yourself to stay sober? Do you have support? x

DAB

Welcome Nick!
You can't rely on anyone else for your own sobriety. Even if she were to quit with you, you would still need to hold yourself accountable if she decided to start again.
It's great that you are here and that you want to make a better life for you and your family!
Try an AA meeting. AA saved my life and marriage.
The best of luck to you.

Dee74

Hi tryingformyfam - welcome

I agree with the others. You;re the one with the problem - this needs to be your recovery - not your gfs.

It would be nice if everyone stopped drinking to support us, but for many of us it doesn't work out that way...many of us deal with drinking spouses.

It makes it a little harder maybe but it's not a dealbreaker.

The key is to find support for yourself, whether it's here, or somewhere like AA or some other recovery group.

By your post, I see you have a lot riding on your recovery - I really believe we get out of it what we put in, so put a lot in

D

Anna

Yup, it's you who has the problem with alcohol.

It's not your place to push your girlfriend to stop drinking when she has no issue.

You can stop drinking, hopefully with some support from us here at SR or with a recovery program. This would be a great gift for your family.

tryingformyfam

Well neither one of us drink much it's just when we do we argue really bad or get trouble every incident I've ever had has to do with alcohol so i figure it's best for me and my family that i stop all together. Out would be easier I'd she didn't drink around me or go out and drink and v come home drink.it seems like my mind feels it's okay to just have one or drink one night if i feel she's going to be doing it, of she quit with me i thought put would raise the percentage of me actually quitting and being successful at my goal for us and our family??? It's really hard because all my friends drink and i can't hang out with them.i only Hang around her and do everything with her so i feel if out family staying togetheris just as important to her as it is me then she should want to support me and stop as well until i feel i can handle her drinking around me and with other people....

DisplacedGRITS

Nick, you can ask her and see if she'd be willing to quit for a little while until you get some sobriety under your belt but think about what you're doing. you're making a deal with here. you'll have to hold up your end of the bargain. if she were to agree to quit drinking for you and you slipped up and drank, that could be a big problem. honestly, i agree with what's been said. this is your problem. you need to be able to deal with this with or without her drinking as long as she isn't abusing it. asking her to make concessions like to not leave empty bottles around or to store liquor in an out of the way place may help. don't hold the family staying together over her head as a threat. that's not very fair. you can't guarantee that you'll stop drinking if she stops. that's the problem with your plan right there. you can't try to base your sobriety on someone else's actions.

just as an aside, i am someone who's spouse quit drinking to support my sobriety. he isn't an alcoholic. he quit without me asking. i actually tried to get him to keep drinking because i felt guilty. he was sober for around a year (gosh, maybe more) before i finally quit. the important thing is, my sobriety was never contingent on him quitting drinking. i just lucked out i guess.

tomsteve

no human power could relieve my alcoholism.

there is no way i can make people have the same opinions or want the same things as i want and until i put me and my recovery 1st, i was living a life of insanity.

it didnt matter if i was in a relationship or not, son or no son, i didnt stop drinking until i made the decision to do it for me. i didnt care if anyone left me or if i had to walk away from people. i hated myself so much and was so desperate that i would do anything to stop drinking and change me. it was that or kill myself.

i am still here today, 7+ years later. life has taken on new meaning and sobriety rocks!!!

IndaMiricale

As always good advice I hope you use it .

And welcome aboard.