preparing to separate
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 37
preparing to separate
I think I am ready to start taking some steps to prepare for separation...I'm going to go setup my own personal bank account for myself this week so we can start to separate our finances...can anyone help me with any other things I need to think about? I want to be prepared before I let my AH know that I'm leaning towards separation...I dont want to get sucked back in again to the "maybe things will change" mindframe...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 40
Find out what it means in your state/province. In mine, all of the paperwork is on the secretary of state's website. If yours isn't make some phone calls to get copies. There are things there about liquidating assets that you should be careful of.
Document everything.
Document everything.
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Separate finances as much as possible, joint accounts, credit cards, loans, etc. Know about all the accounts, retirement, 401K, etc. Pull a free credit report to make sure there are no surprises. Research on the web domestic laws of the state you live in. I can't tell you how much I learned by just reading up on my counties web site about standard property/asset divisions and custody guidelines. If possible talk to a lawyer and try to keep it just a fact finding mission, keep it brief and have prepared questions. Don't use a lawyer as a therapist.
It can seem quite daunting at first but like everything else, plenty of people get though it all the time.
It can seem quite daunting at first but like everything else, plenty of people get though it all the time.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
I would start with finding an attorney... get referrals from friends and start that interviewing process. They will be able to advise you best about how to legally protect your finances. It is usually in your best interest if you keep your plans secret until you have a SOLID plan.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
I just went through this almost a month ago. One thing that I found important was that I had a good credit history on my own. If you don't have a credit card in your own name, get one now and make some charges and pay them promptly so that you begin to establish a credit history.
Have a current copy of your bill paying system and its accounting. If it is on the computer, take a copy of the program itself, and keep a copy of the current data on a flash drive.
If you are thinking of a legal separation or possibly a divorce, it is very helpful to have copies of all the statements for all the financial accounts, including bank accounts, investment accounts, retirement accounts,credit card accounts, loan documents and loan balances, car titles, house title/mortgage paperwork, any and all. This gives you the account numbers and addresses which you will need later.
And also take copies of the insurance policies or at least the numbers and copies of the beneficiary designations if you have them.
Basically, the thought is that you will want to be able to re-create your whole financial history, so take it with you when you leave. Depending on you AH's attitude, it may be hard to get it later.
Good luck! It is better to be as prepared as you can, and never need it, than to have to leave suddenly with nothing.
BothSidesNow
Have a current copy of your bill paying system and its accounting. If it is on the computer, take a copy of the program itself, and keep a copy of the current data on a flash drive.
If you are thinking of a legal separation or possibly a divorce, it is very helpful to have copies of all the statements for all the financial accounts, including bank accounts, investment accounts, retirement accounts,credit card accounts, loan documents and loan balances, car titles, house title/mortgage paperwork, any and all. This gives you the account numbers and addresses which you will need later.
And also take copies of the insurance policies or at least the numbers and copies of the beneficiary designations if you have them.
Basically, the thought is that you will want to be able to re-create your whole financial history, so take it with you when you leave. Depending on you AH's attitude, it may be hard to get it later.
Good luck! It is better to be as prepared as you can, and never need it, than to have to leave suddenly with nothing.
BothSidesNow
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Santa Fe, NM
Posts: 160
Originally Posted by onceuponadream 
I think I am ready to start taking some steps to prepare for separation...I'm going to go setup my own personal bank account for myself this week so we can start to separate our finances...can anyone help me with any other things I need to think about? I want to be prepared before I let my AH know that I'm leaning towards separation...I dont want to get sucked back in again to the "maybe things will change" mindframe...
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
The best advice I received: Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.
I gathered all the documents listed by other posters AND I rented a safe deposit box at my bank to store all the documents as well as any sentimental items and jewelry that I wanted to keep.
An angry alcoholic is capable of anything, so be prepared for the worst and hope that it all goes smoothly. Mine went smoothly.
I gathered all the documents listed by other posters AND I rented a safe deposit box at my bank to store all the documents as well as any sentimental items and jewelry that I wanted to keep.
An angry alcoholic is capable of anything, so be prepared for the worst and hope that it all goes smoothly. Mine went smoothly.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by BothSidesNow
Good luck! It is better to be as prepared as you can, and never need it, than to have to leave suddenly with nothing.
BothSidesNow
Thank you all very much...gives me a good starting point!!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Copies of any legal documents you may have too - Wills, Trusts, Powers-of- Attorney documents. Depending on how you expect your spouse to take the news, you may also want to start stashing some cash for emergencies.
I've known people who have unpredictable A's that also started slowly, systematically removing sentimental items from the home a little at a time to store them safely. (like family portraits, videos, etc. Nothing of financial value, but things that are irreplacable emotionally.) They also started leaving an overnight bag packed & ready in their trunks so that they could literally be ready to leave at a moment's notice.
That's probably worst-case-scenario type of advice, but just in case I thought I'd throw it out there. :ghug3
I've known people who have unpredictable A's that also started slowly, systematically removing sentimental items from the home a little at a time to store them safely. (like family portraits, videos, etc. Nothing of financial value, but things that are irreplacable emotionally.) They also started leaving an overnight bag packed & ready in their trunks so that they could literally be ready to leave at a moment's notice.
That's probably worst-case-scenario type of advice, but just in case I thought I'd throw it out there. :ghug3
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