bluebelle

Rabf has been clean for about 2 1/2 years and had a tooth extraction. He's complaining of extra pain and calling the doc. I'm afraid he might be asking for pain pills (that was his DOC). What should I do? Anything?

LoveMeNow

I know what your not suppose to do but I am not sure I could do it yet.
(to be honest)

bluebelle

I did probably what I shouldn't do. I told him what I thought he was doing and reminded him of all the work he's done to be clean. He claimed he wouldn't do anything to jeopardize his sobriety, but I don't trust him. He got the doc to call in a med. he claimed it was an antibiotic, but I didn't think so. He is now saying he will wait to get it. It really seems like he disn't tell this new doc about the addiction. His psychiatrist is retiring, and he hasn't gotten a new one yet. I know I'm supposed to step away, but it is hard. He has been doing really well--working regularly, etc. I know it is up to him, but it is hard to see. I'm scared.

incitingsilence

Let it go, this is an experience he probably needs to go through and work out his way.

In his head it might not be a big deal, and then maybe the pain is just an easy excuse ... maybe he can't tell the difference in this moment and won't know until he chooses one option or the other...

One issue with pain is that there may be a time where a recovering opiate addict will have to take pain meds ... there are times where one would never be allowed to tough it out addict or not. Many recovering addicts get through these times fine, with good support systems and safety nets.

bluebelle

I told him that he wasn't acting like someone in recovery--he was manipulating and lying. I'm not sure why he did all this in front of me. He tried to tell me he was really in a lot of pain, but then I pointed out all he had been doing today--without pain. He admitted it all. He claims there is no way he'd go back to the drug. He had come too far, etc. I don't know. We decided we shouldn't talk about it anymore. I guess it is time for me to pray and let go. It is easier said than done.

bluebelle

Yeah, he made an appt with the dentist for tomorrow AM.

LoveMeNow

Bluebelle, I know you are scared (honestly, I would be too) but really I think there is nothing more you can do. It really sucks that it is that way, but it is. I agree, give it to God and let it go (very hard).

My prayers are with both of you!

bluebelle

Than you. I appreciate the prayers.

BeingStill

The good thing about oral surgery is that the pain is temporary, not chronic. My daughter had her wisdom teeth removed and used 600mg Motrin instead of narcotics. Every day will hopefully feel better. If an infection is causing the pain, antibiotics will help.

I'm in a situation right now where I could approach my RAS (?) in an accusatory way and tell him what I think and how he's messing up his life and where I think his decisions will lead, etc. But I'm not going to do that. Instead, I will express my concerns and let him know that what he's doing worries me. And that I hope he'll make the right decisions. And leave it at that. I will be true to myself by voicing my concerns, but I won't be doing it in an accusatory way.

Like your bf, my son has some decent clean time behind him, and I want to remember that when I talk to him about my concerns. I want to speak with him in a loving, yet detached way instead of being emotionally charged. Because I realize these concerns of mine are LIFE-LONG. There will ALWAYS be something that pops up to challenge his recovery. Always. And I need to change the way I react to those situations because I'm going to be in a lot of them. And I can't let him be my mood altering drug. I just can't anymore.

kmangel

When my son had kidney stones (one very painful experience) he got pain meds from the doctor. He knew that addicts will want as much drugs as they used to use if they ever take any again but I think he thought he would be different--that he could take the prescribed dosage. He wasn't. The first pill threw him back to where he was before he went to rehab. He tried to conceal what was happening. It was a taste for my husband and me of what it was like to have a son for a drug addict (his addiction years were out of state from us so we didn't witness the lifestyle he was living--we were in the dark about his drug addiction). Once the truth was out and he knew my husband and I were aware of what was going on as was his girl friend, he stopped taking the medicine. He had to go through withdrawals after only a week or so of abusing pain meds. Not as bad as when he went to rehab, but withdrawals none the less. I hope this was a valuable lesson he had to learn and he will benefit from now knowing he is no different than any other recovering drug addict.

Maybe your boyfriend truly will let his doctors and you help him manage his medication should it really be pain meds he is given. If he is truly aware of the danger he is facing taking pain meds (not like my son) he will ask for assistance. My son thought he could handle it all on his own. Personally, I think some heavy duty Tylenol would suffice. I didn't have any pain meds other than Tylenol when I had my gall bladder out and it was really painful at the time--was told Tylenol was the strongest drug they could give me.

lolcabbage

They can't call in anything that's really strong, the strong stuff needs to be written on paper. But I suppose even a weak opiate could make him crave stronger ones

outtolunch

If he claims the pain persists he might have a "dry socket", common stuff for people who smoke after extraction. The dentist can confirm.

Nothing, absolutely nothing, you can say or do will prevent a relapse, if that is his intention.

bluebelle

You are right, nothing I can do will prevent a relapse. He had been saying things that made me think that he thought he could take just a few and then handle it. I think he probably got a few Vic's after the surgery. He was not making sense--you know where he is talking, but the logic isn't right. I called him on his BS, and he confessed. But, I explained to him that it is all up to him. It's all a bunch of quacking.

Learn2Live

When you're with someone you can't trust, you hover over every little thing they do or might do and it's so hard to let go. My life is enough to live without having to get involved in someone else's toothache and finding out what they're going to do about it, and figuring out what they should do about it, and telling them what they should do about it, and whether or not this means they are relapsing, and whether or not this means they are committed to their own recovery, etc etc. It's insanity.

kmangel

I never have to wonder about my husband when he goes to the doctor--or anywhere else. I trust him, he's never given me any reason to mistrust him. Some day you may be able to trust your boyfriend, but if that day is ever going to come it must begin with his intent to be totally truthful now--not trying to conceal anything. The fact that you had to call him on his BS means he's not there yet. Do you want to keep going back and forth with your boyfriend like you are now?

bluebelle

Anvilhead, are you saying I'm too involved? It's true that if I had dental surgery, I wouldn't expect anybody to ask me what I was given for it. It wouldn't be anybody's business except the doctor, nurse, and maybe my employer (for drug testing).

It really scared me and made my thought process go back to the way it was. I think I immediately tried to control the situation, rather than letting go. It's not my business that he hasn't gotten another psych doc yet. He tried to put some blaim on her saying he tried to call her, but she's retired. I said that I knew he was smart enough to find the resources to help him. It's just not my business or place. I know I'm afraid of what will happen to me if he relapses. I had to remind myself today to make my inventory--not his.

bluebelle

Thanks for making me think.

Rabf and I have separate accounts, so that is not an issue. It would be harder for me to survive financially without him. It would mean changes, but I could do it. I am working toward a position where I will be more financially stable.

I don't see how I could stay in a situation with him in active addiction. It would be too much chaos and drama for my life. I like how things are when he is sober. Things have been improving over the past 2 1/2 years that he has been sober.

I guess I'm thinking things would fall apart if he relapsed. I guess part of it is about believing in myself and having hope and faith. I'm so glad to have this website to turns to when things looked rough.