JFMariani

I started reading about codependency and the characteristics of addicts on this website a little over a month ago and I am amazed at how everything has progressed exactly the way many of you said it would. Just like everyone else I thought my AF was different...that I was different. That somehow she would get through her situation and I would be the one to save her. Many of you told me to run. That an addicts only true friend is the drug. That they will lie and steal and bring you down. After my last incident with my AF I decided it was time. Again I state not because I wanted to but instead because I was afraid. When we parted ways she was just plain mean. She was nothing like the person I had supported. Nothing like the person I cared about. Everything became about me and my control issues, about not trusting her, about not believing her to be clean even though I saw she wasn't with my own eyes.

I wish I could say things ended right there and I got out at the right time. Unfortunately, one more prediction from this site has come true. A few days ago I recieved a call from a detective. I was asked to come in on a voluntary interview. My AF has accused me of a crime which I most certainly did not do. I voluntarily submitted DNA for testing and am confident that I will be exonerated. I have spoken with a lawyer and he states its basically her word against mine since I didn't do anything. At first I tried to understand why she would say this. Is it to get back at me? Or does she not remember anything? Then I remembered I was doing it again. Trying to in someway justify her actions. I was playing the game again albeit for far more stakes.

I didn't write any of this for people to feel sorry for me. I made my choices willingly under a false idea that I created. Now this is one more problem that has arisen from this whole situation that I will deal with.

Why i am writing this is so people understand that the advice given on this site comes from first hand experience. There are two groups of people who share. Those who know and have been there and those who are looking for help. If someone is blunt or honest they are only doing it because they do not want to see you go through they same thing they went through. Don't automatically dismiss something you don't want to hear but be open. There are good people on this site. I know if I had listened/left when it was first pointed out how she was I could have avoided this terrible headache.

Jody675

hope it all works out for you. i got out before i got too entangled with my exABf, and he too was mean when we broke up talking about my controlling ways, how he was glad he could stop trying so hard, that i just used him. all sad, and something i probably would have normally been upset over and tried to justify my actions to him, but i knew that it was pointless. i hope this mess is sorted out soon and that you can continue your life without all this mess and drama.

crazybabie

I hope everything works out keep working on you

Ann

JF, I too hope this works out. You told the truth, you did the right thing...I cannot help but think that justice and fairness will prevail.

Looking back, I can see that my son put us in danger many times, unknown to us. He had drugs in our home, he had stolen items in our home. I once found two new bikes at the back of the house and called the police to say they were not ours and asked them to come get them...then told my son what I had done, saying that I knew they weren't his either so needed to turn them in. He was furious, not remorseful, and it struck me at the time that I may be in greater danger than I thought.

There was a member here a while back who went to jail for a year, lost her home and her child, all because she took calls and passed them on from what turned out to be a dealer...she didn't know, the police didn't believe her.

So your share here is about more than just listening and learning from those who went before you, it's about the very real danger we put ourselves in when we remain in a relationship with an active addict which too often means with a criminal.

Thank you for sharing your story, I will pray that you get past this unscathed.

Hugs

FindingErica

JF, you are right, it is so hard to understand. I too thought AH was different, I still thought he was the family man I had married and was just down and out due to his addiction but that he was clean. I found out the hard way I was wrong. He is not unique, he is a garden variety addict. I wish I had listened because I would have gone no contact from the start. Many times we still hold the image of who they were before the addiction in our minds and want to appeal to that person.

I hope things work out for you. Sorry that your addict is wreaking havoc.

Krystal32

JF, I just have to thank you for sharing this. It really made me stop and think about the dangerous situations that I've not only put myself in but that I also put my children in. I never thought about it until I read your post this morning and it hit me pretty hard and I needed that. Thank you again and I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this. I hope everything works out for you and that you can put all of this behind you and move forward with your life

outtolunch

This forum and those posters who shoot between the eyes saved my sanity.