Tangled ball of cofusion
That bell or bike person
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Tangled ball of cofusion
When i look back on my drunken life it seems i was in a net .
Caught, floundering in a messy tangled ball of emotion and cofusion. Drugs and drink just gave me a way of temporarily forgetting the tangle, whilst the tangled net worked tighter as i fought for control, it pulled me down even more . Compaired to some in the net i was alright and from their point of view, i didn't have a problem. To some others i was in a hopeless tangle of my own making and did'nt deserve any help, sometimes i've been both of these people judging myself .
Getting sober was like learning to not struggle in the net, then when some of the confusion clears i get to look around and learn how to start teasing at the threads that bind me.
I can still see some of the tangles i have to cope with on the horizon but at the moment, to get there, i have to undo the knot that presents itself first . First things first as it were . I don't really judge things in terms of sucess or failiure now , the focus is more on was that a helpful experience or not ?
I feel quite free and can only admire those who have more experience than myself in living and coping with this world and life , thanks for coming here and sharing that . You give me great hope for the future . I don't have any goals as such, other than getting through today and hopefully tommorow sober but i know that with time even the smallest changes made now can put me in a whole new place 1 year , 5 years , 20 years in the future if my body takes me that far .
To know there are people in this world who know that no matter what happens they will never drink or drug again is great , to never do it again seems like such a relief . I feel so greatfull today that i never have to do it again, if i keep my head i'll never have to .
To the lurking drunks reading this, you know who you are deep down, i lurked for 10 years, you can change, be corageous and bold in getting help, so much time drifts by in that twilight world. Your life really will be better without it .
I wish you pleasant and sober weekend world , M
Caught, floundering in a messy tangled ball of emotion and cofusion. Drugs and drink just gave me a way of temporarily forgetting the tangle, whilst the tangled net worked tighter as i fought for control, it pulled me down even more . Compaired to some in the net i was alright and from their point of view, i didn't have a problem. To some others i was in a hopeless tangle of my own making and did'nt deserve any help, sometimes i've been both of these people judging myself .
Getting sober was like learning to not struggle in the net, then when some of the confusion clears i get to look around and learn how to start teasing at the threads that bind me.
I can still see some of the tangles i have to cope with on the horizon but at the moment, to get there, i have to undo the knot that presents itself first . First things first as it were . I don't really judge things in terms of sucess or failiure now , the focus is more on was that a helpful experience or not ?
I feel quite free and can only admire those who have more experience than myself in living and coping with this world and life , thanks for coming here and sharing that . You give me great hope for the future . I don't have any goals as such, other than getting through today and hopefully tommorow sober but i know that with time even the smallest changes made now can put me in a whole new place 1 year , 5 years , 20 years in the future if my body takes me that far .
To know there are people in this world who know that no matter what happens they will never drink or drug again is great , to never do it again seems like such a relief . I feel so greatfull today that i never have to do it again, if i keep my head i'll never have to .
To the lurking drunks reading this, you know who you are deep down, i lurked for 10 years, you can change, be corageous and bold in getting help, so much time drifts by in that twilight world. Your life really will be better without it .
I wish you pleasant and sober weekend world , M
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Great post Mecanix!
I feel just the same way about feeling like you are caught in a net. It is funny that the more you fight the harder it becomes. (I always noticed I drank more when I tried not to). Acceptance and surrender. It feels really really good to be free from the hold alcohol had over me
I feel just the same way about feeling like you are caught in a net. It is funny that the more you fight the harder it becomes. (I always noticed I drank more when I tried not to). Acceptance and surrender. It feels really really good to be free from the hold alcohol had over me
A simple guy making his way
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
M.
I cannot tell you how much I connected with your perspective. I have said many times to many people that this feels like quicksand. A net will do nicely as well.
I have put myself in a position that any movement out of those necessary to make positive change happen will meet me with a tighter grip.
That's not to say that I cannot make this work. It does mean that I have made the grip tight enough to notice. Tight enough to change.
I will move little over the next days and months. I too will be taking the time to look around before my next movement takes me there.
I respect your journey and appreciate your contributions to this place.
Keep going strong!
Ken
I cannot tell you how much I connected with your perspective. I have said many times to many people that this feels like quicksand. A net will do nicely as well.
I have put myself in a position that any movement out of those necessary to make positive change happen will meet me with a tighter grip.
That's not to say that I cannot make this work. It does mean that I have made the grip tight enough to notice. Tight enough to change.
I will move little over the next days and months. I too will be taking the time to look around before my next movement takes me there.
I respect your journey and appreciate your contributions to this place.
Keep going strong!
Ken
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