Courage to Examine Myself
Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Courage to Examine Myself Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
With this step, I am ready to figure out who I am. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful. I am willing to do some soul searching. I am not afraid (fearless) of uncovering things I may or may not have been aware of. I want to re-examine what is wrong and what is right to me. (Moral inventory)
My entire adult life, I have been so focused on friends and lovers that I never really took the time to really examine who I am. I am very good at condemning the things I do wrong and carrying guilt for a long time. Having done steps 1-3, I can now take an honest look at myself and know that it will be okay because I have turned my will and life over to the *care* of a power greater than me. This means that in searching fearlessly within myself and determining what my morals are, I am not judging and hanging myself out to dry. Turning my life and will over to the *care* of a higher power, does not involve putting myself on the shooting range. I can take it easy and be nonjudgmental as I take my time and figure out who I am.
Am I willing to look honestly at myself? What stands in my way?
Absolutely. I am willing to take a loving and honest look at who I really am. I am exciting about getting to know me without the distraction of a significant other or codependent friendships and interactions with my family. Nothing stands in my way except for maybe a bit of procrastination, which I am overcoming as I type these words.
Have I sought help from my Higher Power, my sponsor or other Al-Anon members?
At this point, my higher power is mostly involved. I need another sponsor because I have found that my current sponsor is very involved with her own life right now. She appears to be in a point of transition in her life and I am not quite sure if she really wants to be all that involved in the program right now. So, I am seeking a sponsor that can really help me work the steps. I do talk to other Al-Anon members outside of meetings. I know that help is available to me on SR too. I am blessed with many resources.
What suggestions have I tried to see if they might work?
So far I have read through the step study in the Friends and Family section of SR. There is a sticky with detailed threads on the steps and other members gave very helpful feedback in those stickies. I also have an Al-Anon Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions book that I am reading. I plan to search for the organization chart on the AA site. I understand that the chart is *very* helpful.
Do I understand the spiritual principle of an inventory?
To me an inventory means that you take a look at what you do and do not have. You carefully examine what is in your possession. So, say you look in your linen closet and count how many sheets, pillowcases, and towels you have. In the context of this step, I am looking in my heart, mind, and soul and seeing what is and isn't there *without* judging myself.
What do “searching” and “fearless” mean to me?
Searching means to look deep within. To look into every crack, crevice, and fold. I am looking behind my heart, I am looking deep into my soul, and I am searching the memories and evidence in my mind. I am already a truth-seeker and with these 12 steps I am guided to seek within to find out the truth about me.
Fearless means I face what I find without judgement or condemnation. I am not afraid of what is there or what may be missing. I am not afraid to see the truth in myself.
What does a “moral inventory” mean?
A moral inventory means I am looking at what I deem to be right and wrong. In turn, I also look at the things I have said and done and placed them in the appropriate category. So, it is a two part deal for me.
Part I: I decide what is morally right and wrong to me and my HP.
Part II: I determine where my actions and thoughts fall. Is what I said to so and so right or wrong? Is what I did to so and so right or wrong. Without judging, I carefully place each action under the determined category.
~~~~~~~
Feels go to be taking some action as I learn a healthier way of living and give up my old ways.
Love and Light,
Lily
With this step, I am ready to figure out who I am. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful. I am willing to do some soul searching. I am not afraid (fearless) of uncovering things I may or may not have been aware of. I want to re-examine what is wrong and what is right to me. (Moral inventory)
My entire adult life, I have been so focused on friends and lovers that I never really took the time to really examine who I am. I am very good at condemning the things I do wrong and carrying guilt for a long time. Having done steps 1-3, I can now take an honest look at myself and know that it will be okay because I have turned my will and life over to the *care* of a power greater than me. This means that in searching fearlessly within myself and determining what my morals are, I am not judging and hanging myself out to dry. Turning my life and will over to the *care* of a higher power, does not involve putting myself on the shooting range. I can take it easy and be nonjudgmental as I take my time and figure out who I am.
Am I willing to look honestly at myself? What stands in my way?
Absolutely. I am willing to take a loving and honest look at who I really am. I am exciting about getting to know me without the distraction of a significant other or codependent friendships and interactions with my family. Nothing stands in my way except for maybe a bit of procrastination, which I am overcoming as I type these words.
Have I sought help from my Higher Power, my sponsor or other Al-Anon members?
At this point, my higher power is mostly involved. I need another sponsor because I have found that my current sponsor is very involved with her own life right now. She appears to be in a point of transition in her life and I am not quite sure if she really wants to be all that involved in the program right now. So, I am seeking a sponsor that can really help me work the steps. I do talk to other Al-Anon members outside of meetings. I know that help is available to me on SR too. I am blessed with many resources.
What suggestions have I tried to see if they might work?
So far I have read through the step study in the Friends and Family section of SR. There is a sticky with detailed threads on the steps and other members gave very helpful feedback in those stickies. I also have an Al-Anon Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions book that I am reading. I plan to search for the organization chart on the AA site. I understand that the chart is *very* helpful.
Do I understand the spiritual principle of an inventory?
To me an inventory means that you take a look at what you do and do not have. You carefully examine what is in your possession. So, say you look in your linen closet and count how many sheets, pillowcases, and towels you have. In the context of this step, I am looking in my heart, mind, and soul and seeing what is and isn't there *without* judging myself.
What do “searching” and “fearless” mean to me?
Searching means to look deep within. To look into every crack, crevice, and fold. I am looking behind my heart, I am looking deep into my soul, and I am searching the memories and evidence in my mind. I am already a truth-seeker and with these 12 steps I am guided to seek within to find out the truth about me.
Fearless means I face what I find without judgement or condemnation. I am not afraid of what is there or what may be missing. I am not afraid to see the truth in myself.
What does a “moral inventory” mean?
A moral inventory means I am looking at what I deem to be right and wrong. In turn, I also look at the things I have said and done and placed them in the appropriate category. So, it is a two part deal for me.
Part I: I decide what is morally right and wrong to me and my HP.
Part II: I determine where my actions and thoughts fall. Is what I said to so and so right or wrong? Is what I did to so and so right or wrong. Without judging, I carefully place each action under the determined category.
~~~~~~~
Feels go to be taking some action as I learn a healthier way of living and give up my old ways.
Love and Light,
Lily
Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
I had a chat with my sponsor. She encouraged me not to rush this step and reminded me that it does not have a timeline. I told her that I am excited about this step and that I am not rushing it. I also told her that I see it as getting to know myself. With that, I told her I would be writing my life story first. I need to take a look at my life thus far. I feel a strong need to do this. So, that may take me a couple of weeks. I picked out the journal I am going to write it all in. It is a beautiful journal that a friend gave to me a couple of years ago. It is my step journal. I will write out my story and then work on my moral inventory.
Part of writing my life story is the searching part. Searching deep within me and getting to know who I am, page by page, as I write my story.
It should be good. It has been a long, long time since I just sat down and wrote it all out.
Here and there, I will come back to this thread and answer some of the questions.
Love and Light,
Lily
Part of writing my life story is the searching part. Searching deep within me and getting to know who I am, page by page, as I write my story.
It should be good. It has been a long, long time since I just sat down and wrote it all out.
Here and there, I will come back to this thread and answer some of the questions.
Love and Light,
Lily
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