Went to the Dr appt with my boyfriend yesterday
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Went to the Dr appt with my boyfriend yesterday
I posted before about my boyfriend and how he was close to relapsing. Originally I thought he had, but no; he was just headed that way, and had taken some saline syringes and needles from our family doctor, and used then to satisfy some craving for shooting up.
But it was true that he knew he was in trouble and he did increase his appointments with the psychiatrist. And after he told the doctor about how I found the needle / syringe in his duffle, and talked to him about it - he told the doctor that it had helped him come to terms and then he wanted to talk abotu it with him.
So then the doctor asked if he wanted to invite me to a session, and he did, and I went with him yesterday.
Im really glad I went. My boyfriend talked in front of the doctor and basically restated things that we had talked about ourselves in private. About the stresses that had been happening recently, about how he had been struggling not to turn to using to help him cope, how he stole the needles and syringes from the family doctor during an appointment for bloodwork.
I told the doctor about how I was so upset after I found the needles and waited to ask him because first, I felt he would tell me when he was ready, and then realizing how I was just so upset that I had to ask him because it was unhealthy for me to hold it in.
My boyfriend agreed with all that. The doctor agreed with all that. So Im going to be sure to not hesitate again if I feel uncomfortable about something.
And I todl the doctor how I was so nervous, and I started snooping to verify my suspicions, and had went online and people were telling me all about how bad addicts lie and all that and that I needed proof of everything he says..
The doctor explained about the component of lying when in addcition, but my boyfriend is not in active addiction, so there should be no lying to cover up anything. And the doctor did not agree with needing to verify everything he says, or snooping through his stuff. He said that would undermine ourt relationship, and make us both crazy if I started doing things like that. He also suggested I be really careful with the internet and advice.
I never have snooped, or questioned my boyfriend in the past, so Im going to go back to the way I was with all that. But if I feel uncomfortable or worried, then I will talk to him directly. I mean really if that isnt enough and I become all paranoid, or worried all the time then the relationship wouldnt be healthy for me to be in, and most likely wouldnt be based on things a relationship is supposed to be about anymore, so it wouldnt be good for him either.
Hope all that made sense. Anyway, I asked the doctor every question I could think of, or asked my boyfriend directly in front of the doctor ,and I got answers for everything.
The doctor seems to think that while shooting saline was a bad decision, the fact that he did reach out for extra help, and he did whatever he needed to not use is really a great accomplishement. He says it just takes time.
I asked about our vacation, because we are leaving nextg week, and was that ok, or should he get some serious help while he is off work instead as I was fine with that. And the doctor seemed to think that the vacation was fine, and that he has the knowledge he needs. he just have to live and use that knowledge. He thought vacation for us both would be a good thing. And he did say that my boyfriend could reach him if he needed to talk,etc.
I just wanted to let you all know what happened. I feel lot better asking my questions to a professional who knows all this stuff, and who knows my boyfriends whole situation, and his state of mind. And also hearing my boyfriend and what he said in front of the doctor and me.
Thanks for al the encouragement that you guys have given me. I see now how bad it was holding all that worry inside me and stressing and worrying.
Dont want that to happen again. Lesson learned I hope.
But it was true that he knew he was in trouble and he did increase his appointments with the psychiatrist. And after he told the doctor about how I found the needle / syringe in his duffle, and talked to him about it - he told the doctor that it had helped him come to terms and then he wanted to talk abotu it with him.
So then the doctor asked if he wanted to invite me to a session, and he did, and I went with him yesterday.
Im really glad I went. My boyfriend talked in front of the doctor and basically restated things that we had talked about ourselves in private. About the stresses that had been happening recently, about how he had been struggling not to turn to using to help him cope, how he stole the needles and syringes from the family doctor during an appointment for bloodwork.
I told the doctor about how I was so upset after I found the needles and waited to ask him because first, I felt he would tell me when he was ready, and then realizing how I was just so upset that I had to ask him because it was unhealthy for me to hold it in.
My boyfriend agreed with all that. The doctor agreed with all that. So Im going to be sure to not hesitate again if I feel uncomfortable about something.
And I todl the doctor how I was so nervous, and I started snooping to verify my suspicions, and had went online and people were telling me all about how bad addicts lie and all that and that I needed proof of everything he says..
The doctor explained about the component of lying when in addcition, but my boyfriend is not in active addiction, so there should be no lying to cover up anything. And the doctor did not agree with needing to verify everything he says, or snooping through his stuff. He said that would undermine ourt relationship, and make us both crazy if I started doing things like that. He also suggested I be really careful with the internet and advice.
I never have snooped, or questioned my boyfriend in the past, so Im going to go back to the way I was with all that. But if I feel uncomfortable or worried, then I will talk to him directly. I mean really if that isnt enough and I become all paranoid, or worried all the time then the relationship wouldnt be healthy for me to be in, and most likely wouldnt be based on things a relationship is supposed to be about anymore, so it wouldnt be good for him either.
Hope all that made sense. Anyway, I asked the doctor every question I could think of, or asked my boyfriend directly in front of the doctor ,and I got answers for everything.
The doctor seems to think that while shooting saline was a bad decision, the fact that he did reach out for extra help, and he did whatever he needed to not use is really a great accomplishement. He says it just takes time.
I asked about our vacation, because we are leaving nextg week, and was that ok, or should he get some serious help while he is off work instead as I was fine with that. And the doctor seemed to think that the vacation was fine, and that he has the knowledge he needs. he just have to live and use that knowledge. He thought vacation for us both would be a good thing. And he did say that my boyfriend could reach him if he needed to talk,etc.
I just wanted to let you all know what happened. I feel lot better asking my questions to a professional who knows all this stuff, and who knows my boyfriends whole situation, and his state of mind. And also hearing my boyfriend and what he said in front of the doctor and me.
Thanks for al the encouragement that you guys have given me. I see now how bad it was holding all that worry inside me and stressing and worrying.
Dont want that to happen again. Lesson learned I hope.
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I feel you might have misinterpreted what has been said to you on here- that or you were ill advised. I work the FA program and a massive part for newcomers is learning that snooping or playing detective doesn't help anyone, in my own experience it made me crazier and made me feel like I needed PROOF my ex was using when really, I knew what I knew and I should have trusted myself.
I'm glad the appointment went well
I'm glad the appointment went well
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Originally Posted by cynical one 
Unless someone is incapable or incompetent, I cannot even fathom the thought of going to an adults doctors appointment with them. My mommy stopped going into the room with me when I was like in 5th grade and stopped taking me the day I got my drivers license. I further cannot imagine being in a relationship where I would have to confirm truths or lies with someone’s personal and private psychiatrist or asking someone to do so. But, most of all I am appalled that a professional would even submit to discussing his patient with others. This entire situation is so outside of what normal relationships look like that I am left speechless. And, the use of drugs or not has NOTHING to do with it. Drugs are not the problem...not at all.
Im not sure you have followed my post because you didn’t get any part of it correct.
I didn’t go to my boyfriends psychiatrist on my own. I had never even thought about talking to him, and my boyfriend has been seeing him for better part of a year.
I wouldn’t ever try to have the psychiatrist give me insight into my boyfriends mind; that is kinda sick. Hope you never tried to do that with your addict.
It was the psychiatrist himself who mentioned to my boyfriend that maybe it would be good if I came in with him, and we all talked about what had been going on with fear of relapse, and my finding those needles; how upset I got because I was worried and kept it to myself, etc. And more important; it was my boyfriend who made the decision to ask me if I would like to join him.
I guess one thing Ive left off information wise ; is that my boyfriend and I are actually engaged and we have a date set. So, I think it was quite proper for the doctor to include me.
I think it was a really healthy thing for us to do.
My boyfriend and I have always talked a lot and been honest with each other; but sometimes I dont know how to handle things in regards to his emotions and how things might trigger him or that type of thing. Its just something I need to learn as I go.
I have never lost faith in my boyfriend. In fact in you read my posts here, I have been kicking and screaming against needing to doubt my boyfriend. And I didn’t feel right about trying to verify things he told me, or get proof to validate his words. But still that’s what people here kept telling me to do; I tried, but its just not for me.
Im really glad that the doctor confirmed that it was unhealthy, and damaging to our relationship.
The questions I asked the psychiatrist were not to verify what my boyfriend said to me, or confirm anything. The questions I asked were about recovering from addiction, relapse, trying to understand about the need psychologically to use the needle and inject saline, how I felt when I found the needles, why I kept it to myself, how that made me feel, what I learned from it, etc.
It was really good to get a professional opinion on what I was feeling, and how I reacted. It was also nice to see my boyfriend interact with his doctor and see how they talk about things, because Ive never been to that type of doctor before.
I hope that helps you understand better.
Personally, I would suggest to anyone if its agreeable to both parties, and they have the opportunity – definitely don’t be afraid to have a couples session and talk about addiction issues, and the ways that it spills over and affects you. Its good to talk about everything, and not keep your feelings hidden.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Psychiatrists aren't always addiction specialists....Sounds like the shrink felt confident that your BF is not using, thought I don't know how.. Patients do con their shrinks all the time...At any rate, it is clear that you do not want to have any doubts about your BF and are going to reject anything to the contrary. I hope that your BF stays clean and everything works out for you.. Sounds like you have been cautioned against this site.
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My son saw a psychiatrist for a couple of years who never knew he was an addict. He was prescribed highly addictive anti-anxiety meds, along with anti-depressants (which he never took), and sleeping meds that he did God only knows what with. Because he was over 18, parents were not invited into appointments, and even when things became very clear that my son was addicted to opiates, was not taking the anti-depressants, was abusing and/or selling the other meds and the psychiatrist's office was informed of this, and that if my son called to schedule another appointment, they would not be getting paid for it, they saw him again, wrote more scripts, and sent a bill.
His psychiatrists (he had more than one over the years) were extremely expensive, even with some medical insurance reimbursement, came highly recommended, were considered the best in that affluent area, and they did not "specialize" in talk-therapy. His psychiatrist referred him to a psychologist for counseling/therapy. It has been my experience that most psychiatrists do not provide extensive counseling--they usually refer patients to therapists for that component of treatment. Psychiatrists primarily prescribe and manage/monitor medications.
Perhaps your boyfriend's psychiatrist is different from the ones I have had experience with over the past few decades. And it is true that addiction specialists, whether psychiatrists, psychologists, or counselors/therapists, are the ones specifically trained to deal with clients with addiction issues.
If your BF is struggling, perhaps he needs an adjustment on the meds his psychiatrist is prescribing?
His psychiatrists (he had more than one over the years) were extremely expensive, even with some medical insurance reimbursement, came highly recommended, were considered the best in that affluent area, and they did not "specialize" in talk-therapy. His psychiatrist referred him to a psychologist for counseling/therapy. It has been my experience that most psychiatrists do not provide extensive counseling--they usually refer patients to therapists for that component of treatment. Psychiatrists primarily prescribe and manage/monitor medications.
Perhaps your boyfriend's psychiatrist is different from the ones I have had experience with over the past few decades. And it is true that addiction specialists, whether psychiatrists, psychologists, or counselors/therapists, are the ones specifically trained to deal with clients with addiction issues.
If your BF is struggling, perhaps he needs an adjustment on the meds his psychiatrist is prescribing?
To thine own self be true.
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I went with an XBF to his psychiatrist appointment once. But only because I wanted to hear it straight from the psych because BF was unreliable in telling me what drs say. I was WAY too invested in the outcomes of his psych appointments. Actually, now that I think about it, I went to TWO different psychiatrist appointments with him. I hoped that if he could get whatever mental illnesses he might have straightened out, then maybe he would be stronger in his recovery, and we could have a successful, happy relationship! There I went, with my need to fix again.
Boy was I in for a big surprise. That's how I wound up here on SR. I was so naive. Still am, I guess, since I fell for it once again, thinking someone who has had a drug problem since adolescence could possibly choose a relationship with me over their DOC. When will I ever learn?
Boy was I in for a big surprise. That's how I wound up here on SR. I was so naive. Still am, I guess, since I fell for it once again, thinking someone who has had a drug problem since adolescence could possibly choose a relationship with me over their DOC. When will I ever learn?
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In your previous threads I have not ever encouraged you to find proof or investigate your boyfriend. In fact, I believe I said that whether he was using or not was beside the point. You are in a relationship where you are afraid to ask your partner about a potentially very dangerous, unhealthy situation. You are willing to compromise your health and safety to avoid placing even mild stress on your partner. That is the reality completely beside the point of whether he is using or not.
What I read in your posts is that you are trying very hard to figure out how to change yourself to meet his needs, to not trigger him, to handle his emotions the way he would like, etc.
I just want to make sure you're taking care of your own needs as well. Your feelings are valid and important, and they deserve the same attention that you're giving to his feelings and emotions.
I hope you continue to post and read here. I know it can seem like everyone is on the offensive, but we're all works in progress. I wish you the best in your situation, everyone navigates these waters a little differently, you'll be in my thoughts and I wish you and your fiance the very best.
What I read in your posts is that you are trying very hard to figure out how to change yourself to meet his needs, to not trigger him, to handle his emotions the way he would like, etc.
I just want to make sure you're taking care of your own needs as well. Your feelings are valid and important, and they deserve the same attention that you're giving to his feelings and emotions.
I hope you continue to post and read here. I know it can seem like everyone is on the offensive, but we're all works in progress. I wish you the best in your situation, everyone navigates these waters a little differently, you'll be in my thoughts and I wish you and your fiance the very best.
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Originally Posted by PrayingMama
My son saw a psychiatrist for a couple of years who never knew he was an addict. He was prescribed highly addictive anti-anxiety meds, along with anti-depressants (which he never took), and sleeping meds that he did God only knows what with. Because he was over 18, parents were not invited into appointments, and even when things became very clear that my son was addicted to opiates, was not taking the anti-depressants, was abusing and/or selling the other meds and the psychiatrist's office was informed of this, and that if my son called to schedule another appointment, they would not be getting paid for it, they saw him again, wrote more scripts, and sent a bill.
His psychiatrists (he had more than one over the years) were extremely expensive, even with some medical insurance reimbursement, came highly recommended, were considered the best in that affluent area, and they did not "specialize" in talk-therapy. His psychiatrist referred him to a psychologist for counseling/therapy. It has been my experience that most psychiatrists do not provide extensive counseling--they usually refer patients to therapists for that component of treatment. Psychiatrists primarily prescribe and manage/monitor medications.
Perhaps your boyfriend's psychiatrist is different from the ones I have had experience with over the past few decades. And it is true that addiction specialists, whether psychiatrists, psychologists, or counselors/therapists, are the ones specifically trained to deal with clients with addiction issues.
If your BF is struggling, perhaps he needs an adjustment on the meds his psychiatrist is prescribing?
His psychiatrists (he had more than one over the years) were extremely expensive, even with some medical insurance reimbursement, came highly recommended, were considered the best in that affluent area, and they did not "specialize" in talk-therapy. His psychiatrist referred him to a psychologist for counseling/therapy. It has been my experience that most psychiatrists do not provide extensive counseling--they usually refer patients to therapists for that component of treatment. Psychiatrists primarily prescribe and manage/monitor medications.
Perhaps your boyfriend's psychiatrist is different from the ones I have had experience with over the past few decades. And it is true that addiction specialists, whether psychiatrists, psychologists, or counselors/therapists, are the ones specifically trained to deal with clients with addiction issues.
If your BF is struggling, perhaps he needs an adjustment on the meds his psychiatrist is prescribing?
I do know he can prescribe medicine; because there was a time about 7 months ago when he gave him a prescription for something to help him sleep; and he used it for a few weeks but he said the doctor didnt want him to stay on it too long if he didnt have to, and he quit taking it. I dont know the name of it, but I remember him taking it a little while before we went to bed. Didnt seem like it worked that well anyway.
Boyfriends drug was cocaine. And I dont think there are any drugs the doctors can give you to help you stay off like there are with opiates. With cocaine hte way I understand it, its all more of an emotional connection. And so talking and understanding your triggers, and your emotions related to using the drug are the best way. That and avoiding it !
So he is not taking any medication right now at all. he doesnt have any other issues like depression or anxiety anymore.
I think the doctor also believes he is clean because he is taking drug test done by examining strands of hair. And the test is supposed to be valid for up to 90 days, but he takes it between 30 -45. In fact, he will be taking one next weekl before we go on our vacation.
See what happened was; he never had issues with using drugs as a teenager or in college or anytjhing. But after he got his job, and where he works there was a big use of cocaine. He works for a large company in NewYork, and a whole group of people got called in for drug testing because something happened to someone, and the whole group got squeeled on so to speak.
The employer didnt fire anyone, but they offered them treatment, and require drug testing because of their line of work.
I do know a couple people have been caught with the drug testing, and they were sent to more advanced treatment like rehab.
I know people on here have said there are kits you can buy to fool the tests, but persoanlly I dont think they would be really reliable and I think he would have got caught in time.
And the big thing is that even when I first came to SR I said that other than him being stressed (and there have been legitimate reasons for that) I have not seen him acting like he has been high, or anything that I questioned. And I had seen him high when he relapsed the one time quite a while back. It was short and only about 2-3 days. But still it gave me an idea of what it would look like.
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Originally Posted by interrupted
In your previous threads I have not ever encouraged you to find proof or investigate your boyfriend. In fact, I believe I said that whether he was using or not was beside the point. You are in a relationship where you are afraid to ask your partner about a potentially very dangerous, unhealthy situation. You are willing to compromise your health and safety to avoid placing even mild stress on your partner. That is the reality completely beside the point of whether he is using or not.
What I read in your posts is that you are trying very hard to figure out how to change yourself to meet his needs, to not trigger him, to handle his emotions the way he would like, etc.
I just want to make sure you're taking care of your own needs as well. Your feelings are valid and important, and they deserve the same attention that you're giving to his feelings and emotions.
I hope you continue to post and read here. I know it can seem like everyone is on the offensive, but we're all works in progress. I wish you the best in your situation, everyone navigates these waters a little differently, you'll be in my thoughts and I wish you and your fiance the very best.
What I read in your posts is that you are trying very hard to figure out how to change yourself to meet his needs, to not trigger him, to handle his emotions the way he would like, etc.
I just want to make sure you're taking care of your own needs as well. Your feelings are valid and important, and they deserve the same attention that you're giving to his feelings and emotions.
I hope you continue to post and read here. I know it can seem like everyone is on the offensive, but we're all works in progress. I wish you the best in your situation, everyone navigates these waters a little differently, you'll be in my thoughts and I wish you and your fiance the very best.
So that was an eye opener. That I had been neglecting my own safety because I wanted to give him time and respect his emotional state.
I hope I have learned from this. I told all that to the Doctor also. And he agreed that it was not something I should have done. I needed to talk to my boyfriend right away after I was calm and collected, and go from there.
I made a mistake.
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Originally Posted by Learn2Live
I went with an XBF to his psychiatrist appointment once. But only because I wanted to hear it straight from the psych because BF was unreliable in telling me what drs say. I was WAY too invested in the outcomes of his psych appointments. Actually, now that I think about it, I went to TWO different psychiatrist appointments with him. I hoped that if he could get whatever mental illnesses he might have straightened out, then maybe he would be stronger in his recovery, and we could have a successful, happy relationship! There I went, with my need to fix again.
Boy was I in for a big surprise. That's how I wound up here on SR. I was so naive. Still am, I guess, since I fell for it once again, thinking someone who has had a drug problem since adolescence could possibly choose a relationship with me over their DOC. When will I ever learn?
Boy was I in for a big surprise. That's how I wound up here on SR. I was so naive. Still am, I guess, since I fell for it once again, thinking someone who has had a drug problem since adolescence could possibly choose a relationship with me over their DOC. When will I ever learn?
Just curious. Im not all that familiar with addiction and the patterns, but im learning a lot here. Thanks for sharing.
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Originally Posted by FindingErica
Your an adult and you've made a decision, you don't have to keep justifying it to people on the Internet. I hope everything works out for you in the future.
I know he has a ways to go... but truly think he is trying... and my mom said to me after I finally told her everything. If you were worried, you should have just asked him, why in the world would you scurry around and make yourself crazy wondering.... or something like that. I love my mom.
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Let's try to keep to sharing our experiences and not passing judgment or critiquing other people's choices. I don't believe the original post said tell me what your personal opinion is about what what we did.
Best of luck, Bluejay - I am glad you found the joint session helpful.
I just wanted to let you all know what happened.
Best of luck, Bluejay - I am glad you found the joint session helpful.
To thine own self be true.
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Just curious what yoru boyfriends drugs were, and did he do drug testng also? Did he have other mental diagnosis along with the addiction?
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Bluejaybird, from what I know testing hair is quite accurate. I think you misunderstood if you think snooping was encouraged. One of the first things I learned on SR was how futile snooping is.
Just remember, SR is not a collective mind. It is a group of people sharing their respective experiences. I have learnt as much from the people who are very supportive as I have from the people that are uncomfortably direct.
Some people can overcome addiction more easily than others. I find it disconcerting that your boyfriend is playing with saline needles as it seems to be just a step away from the real thing. It does seem to me that addiction is not a door he has fully closed in his mind yet. From what I have seen, addiction has such a stronghold on a person, that unless he is absolutely determined never to use again, it imay seduce him again.
My son has fooled every psycologist and psychiatrist he has ever been to. Heck, he fooled me for 10 years I am not saying your boyfriend is lying, but it may be a good idea to think through what you would do if he relapses. Just be mentally prepared.
Time will tell where your life will go, but I will keep you and your boyfriend in my prayers. I hope you never have to return here because he relapsed, but if he does you will find a very supportive group of people here.
SR saved my sanity, but I was living with addiction for a very long time and I have figured out some of what I was told already. If you ever need SR again, people will still be here sharing their wisdom.
Best of luck to you both.
Just remember, SR is not a collective mind. It is a group of people sharing their respective experiences. I have learnt as much from the people who are very supportive as I have from the people that are uncomfortably direct.
Some people can overcome addiction more easily than others. I find it disconcerting that your boyfriend is playing with saline needles as it seems to be just a step away from the real thing. It does seem to me that addiction is not a door he has fully closed in his mind yet. From what I have seen, addiction has such a stronghold on a person, that unless he is absolutely determined never to use again, it imay seduce him again.
My son has fooled every psycologist and psychiatrist he has ever been to. Heck, he fooled me for 10 years
I am not saying your boyfriend is lying, but it may be a good idea to think through what you would do if he relapses. Just be mentally prepared.Time will tell where your life will go, but I will keep you and your boyfriend in my prayers. I hope you never have to return here because he relapsed, but if he does you will find a very supportive group of people here.
SR saved my sanity, but I was living with addiction for a very long time and I have figured out some of what I was told already. If you ever need SR again, people will still be here sharing their wisdom.
Best of luck to you both.
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