transformyself

I've been slowly becoming friends with a man I worked with on the statewide campaign. He's invited me to his house many times and is generous, kind and funny.

His woman is brilliant, beautiful, plump. She manages a huge international corporate security system.

They invited me and DS11 over for dinner last night, fed us. Their house is full of critters, kids, and friends.

As we were leaving he was hugging and kissing her and she was giggling.

Me and DS stood and looked at them and then looked at each other. He didn't want to go over there, I made him, and he talked about it as we left.

I acknowledged that he has never seen his parents love and respect each other. he's getting that too I think.

The more he--and I--see that kind of love--real honest respectful love-between partners the better.

it's so good for me as well. When AH and i separated four years ago, seeing that kind of happiness between a couple would send me to the bathroom weeping.

But now I'm just glad for them, grateful to be able to witness those exchanges and to be able to see a man who loves and respects and honors a woman in all ways.

It gives me hope. Yes, the guilt is still there, trying to make me life in regret and the past, but I can swipe it away like a bug.

Learn2Live

Makes me feel bad because this is how AXBF and I used to be. It was beautiful, safe, supportive, wonderful, loving. And then it turned ugly.

I saw a couple walking this morning, holding hands. And it made me sad. Because I remember what that felt like.

wellnowwhat

I am generally pretty "ok" or happy. However, when I see a couple that actively enjoys themselves as a couple, want to do things together, laugh and eagerly plan ahead, I do feel a pain of jealousy. Especially older couples who've lived a long life together and still enjoy it.

I didn't have that growing up, haven't experienced it and truthfully, maybe didn't even expect it. Kind of feel I missed the boat on that one.

Sad that I point it out to my adult single children and say "now that's what married life can be" and hope I am not comparing their outsides to my insides.

PaperDolls

I grew up with parents that didn't speak much let alone show affection towards each other. I MAY have seen them hug with a little peck once. May be.

I'm not angry about it or feel I was terribly scarred by it but I do know that I plan for things to NOT be that way for my son. He needs to see what a real, loving relationship/marriage can be like, how it should be.

Alucard

Agreed. I see couples at a restaurant sitting together and enjoying a meal, or doing normal things together and it is disturbing (compared to what I had which was nothing). The alcoholic, and specifically in my case, the sociopath, seems to have an actual distaste for true emotional intimacy,being only in love with alcohol/drugs.....We went to a wedding reception together, 3 days after we got married (not our own) and she had ZERO interest in dancing with her new husband????....She wanted to leave early to go to the liquor store. And it was then that red flags started to pop up to my disbelieving mind. Then, 11 or 12 days later, as we were planning our own, she stated she "didnt want to dance"....and this was after I had discussed with her certain songs that I wanted to dance with her, at OUR reception!!!???....it wasnt until a 4th of July BBQ that I saw what she wanted the reception to be, a drunk-fest for her and a few of her jail pals. My sister had rented a hotel room for us, and she wanted to use it for a drunk jail pals party!!!!??? Holy Red Flags Batman, and then it, itself got cancelled by her, because she was angry that my folks had called her on her alcoholism (The cancellation was a blessing in disguise, it would have been a bigger disaster than the 4th)....I in the future, want a normal relationship with a normal, non alcoholic.addict, with true intimacy, not a facsimile of it.

transformyself

Oops, that line above might read like I made DS go over to the kissing couple. Not true

I made him go over for dinner and he was very glad he did.

GettingBy

Thank you so much for sharing that! I think a huge part of my recovery has been the ability to observe and be grateful for the opportunity to witness healthy relationships. It gives me something to strive for... and helps remind me why my marriage needed to end. It was a HORRIBLE example of love for my children. I would rather have them witness my not-so-perfect single parenting... then the abusive, disrespectful hell that was my marriage!!

I'm surrounded at work by very healthy, respectful men who love and honor their wives in ways I had never imagined. It is a gift for me. It brings me hope.

LifeRecovery

I had great advice recently. I am not ready to date, but an admired friend told me when she divorced her addict and was ready to start dating again she went to 10 couples that she knew and admired and sat down and talked them about why their relationship worked etc. She has been in a good relationship for going on 10 years now.

I copied her advice and did it with finances not to long ago and got a lot out of it.

Tuffgirl

Me, too.

Alucard

Awesome Advice!!!

fourmaggie

i love hearing that....about couples who are very loving

I too have problems showing my kids what a loving couple is...(since my husband has died)..that was the 1st thing i always wanted to show my kids...how daddy treats a good wife and woman....BUT i do in some ways at home show them, and talk to them how they treat each other (i have a boy and a girl)....