advice for alcoholic daughter(s)
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: minnesota
Posts: 272
advice for alcoholic daughter(s)
Hi, my two adult daughters are visiting me this week from out of state. they both drink a lot. i have been sober 2.5 years. their drinking concerns me greatly. the amount, the frequency...lots of beer has been consumed here this week. yesterday i told them both their drinking concerns me. my oldest daughter's behavior when drinking is straight up plain and simple annoying. also, i see a LOT of myself in her. i wont go into detail but its grating my every nerve. my sobriety isnt in danger, i know i am not going to drink. what do i say to her/them? btw, she is highly, overly, sensitive. and naturally i own a little responsibility here, i drank their whole childhood and wasn't there for her.
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
tough call....because you use to be the A in their family now, you are sober...have you ever set boundaries in your home about the alcohol use? just curious why not?
who helped you see the light? how did you get help? when did you have enough?...would all this apply to your ADULT daughters?....
maybe just simply say "when you need me, I am here"....but remember, they have to do the work and by admitting it by STEP 1 is all they have to do...
who helped you see the light? how did you get help? when did you have enough?...would all this apply to your ADULT daughters?....
maybe just simply say "when you need me, I am here"....but remember, they have to do the work and by admitting it by STEP 1 is all they have to do...
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 456
Dear lilyrosemary:
Congratulations on your sobriety.
I'm an adult child of an alcoholic. My father was the alcoholic in my life.
Fortunately, I didn't get the genes for alcoholism, however, growing up in an alcoholic home left me with many dysfunctional tendencies that I'm still working on (and I'm almost 50!).
Are you working a 12-step program of your own? Sometimes I think that the only "help" you can give someone is by leading the healthiest life that you can and providing an example of recovery.
Have you made amends to your daughters for their lost childhood? My father ended up dying without ever apologizing for all the cr*p he put us through. He pretty much drank his entire life. I was so angry with him for most of my adult life. I ended up forgiving him prior to his death, but it took a lot of work on my part.
There were times that he would tell us he was going to AA, but I doubt whether is ever worked the steps. At least he never got to Step 9.
There's is absolutely nothing we can do about someone else's drinking. At times when I felt helpless and hopeless over my dad's drinking I would often pray.
I recommend reading through the wealth of information you can find on this forum. You might also find the Adult Children of Alcoholics section useful.
Sending strength and hope to both you and your daughters.
db
Congratulations on your sobriety.
I'm an adult child of an alcoholic. My father was the alcoholic in my life.
Fortunately, I didn't get the genes for alcoholism, however, growing up in an alcoholic home left me with many dysfunctional tendencies that I'm still working on (and I'm almost 50!).
Are you working a 12-step program of your own? Sometimes I think that the only "help" you can give someone is by leading the healthiest life that you can and providing an example of recovery.
Have you made amends to your daughters for their lost childhood? My father ended up dying without ever apologizing for all the cr*p he put us through. He pretty much drank his entire life. I was so angry with him for most of my adult life. I ended up forgiving him prior to his death, but it took a lot of work on my part.
There were times that he would tell us he was going to AA, but I doubt whether is ever worked the steps. At least he never got to Step 9.
There's is absolutely nothing we can do about someone else's drinking. At times when I felt helpless and hopeless over my dad's drinking I would often pray.
I recommend reading through the wealth of information you can find on this forum. You might also find the Adult Children of Alcoholics section useful.
Sending strength and hope to both you and your daughters.
db
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