Day 2 done; Day 3 exit strategies needed!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 1,010
Day 2 done; Day 3 exit strategies needed!
Hello, me again!
I made it through Day 2, but had a sad realisation about a friendship.
I have a friend who thinks that encouraging me involves being quite controlling. He is generally quite lovely but recently has started to pick on me! He knows I want to change my lifestyle and get my health back on track.
As I said in my first post, I have just tapered off Citalopram (Celexa) and so I'm still feeling quite delicate/vulnerable. I joined the gym last week with him and so far I have been too tired to go. I've also got mild lymphodema and the heat in the UK at the moment means I have to move around every 20 mins, put my feet up and generally feel miserable. The Gym, although it is in my recovery plan, is not what I needed yesterday at 06:30! He gave me quite a bit of stick for not making it, called me lazy and said 'whatever' when I said I felt too uncomfortable to go and 06:30 was way too early at the moment anyway.
I also saw a different side to him last night. We have just been received our Bonuses at work and I have done much, much better than he has. He kept asking how I met all my targets, telling me that the system was unfair. I pointed out that I received a staff excellence award for one of my key projects, so I must have done something right. Perhaps the dynamic has shifted in our friendship as I now earn much more than him now (and I'm a little woman, how terribly unfair!!)
I had an urge to drink as I felt attacked. I didn't. Diet lemonade in the pub - double win for sobriety and weightloss! There were other friends there and I refused to let him affect my actions by leaving or drinking. His negative and digging comments reminded me of my ExBF. We split up last year as I couldn't take his 'tough love' comments.
After all the lovely support on this forum yesterday my friend's attitude really struck me. I think I need to reassess our friendship as right now I want to be surrounded by kind supporting people, not bitter jealous ones.
Sorry, this has turned into an essay again where all I really wanted to say is: Day 3 is here. I hear it's the hardest. I resisted the urge to drink last night. I have two work colleague leaving Do's in the same pub tonight and I need an exit strategy and was looking for your experience and suggestions.
I'd like to go straight home, but I got one of the leavers her new job and she is so excited about it she wants to see me there to thank me. (She knows I'm not drinking and it's no biggie to her as she doesn't drink anyway). It's the other leaver: big drinker, rowdy friends etc.
My plan is to stay for one or two diet lemonades and then leave as I need to fit my car exhaust and front tyres tomorrow morning. If I have a saturday plan, that is half the battle as I have discovered over the last few months of 'moderation'.
Happy Friday
Sx
I made it through Day 2, but had a sad realisation about a friendship.
I have a friend who thinks that encouraging me involves being quite controlling. He is generally quite lovely but recently has started to pick on me! He knows I want to change my lifestyle and get my health back on track.
As I said in my first post, I have just tapered off Citalopram (Celexa) and so I'm still feeling quite delicate/vulnerable. I joined the gym last week with him and so far I have been too tired to go. I've also got mild lymphodema and the heat in the UK at the moment means I have to move around every 20 mins, put my feet up and generally feel miserable. The Gym, although it is in my recovery plan, is not what I needed yesterday at 06:30! He gave me quite a bit of stick for not making it, called me lazy and said 'whatever' when I said I felt too uncomfortable to go and 06:30 was way too early at the moment anyway.
I also saw a different side to him last night. We have just been received our Bonuses at work and I have done much, much better than he has. He kept asking how I met all my targets, telling me that the system was unfair. I pointed out that I received a staff excellence award for one of my key projects, so I must have done something right. Perhaps the dynamic has shifted in our friendship as I now earn much more than him now (and I'm a little woman, how terribly unfair!!)
I had an urge to drink as I felt attacked. I didn't. Diet lemonade in the pub - double win for sobriety and weightloss! There were other friends there and I refused to let him affect my actions by leaving or drinking. His negative and digging comments reminded me of my ExBF. We split up last year as I couldn't take his 'tough love' comments.
After all the lovely support on this forum yesterday my friend's attitude really struck me. I think I need to reassess our friendship as right now I want to be surrounded by kind supporting people, not bitter jealous ones.
Sorry, this has turned into an essay again where all I really wanted to say is: Day 3 is here. I hear it's the hardest. I resisted the urge to drink last night. I have two work colleague leaving Do's in the same pub tonight and I need an exit strategy and was looking for your experience and suggestions.
I'd like to go straight home, but I got one of the leavers her new job and she is so excited about it she wants to see me there to thank me. (She knows I'm not drinking and it's no biggie to her as she doesn't drink anyway). It's the other leaver: big drinker, rowdy friends etc.
My plan is to stay for one or two diet lemonades and then leave as I need to fit my car exhaust and front tyres tomorrow morning. If I have a saturday plan, that is half the battle as I have discovered over the last few months of 'moderation'.
Happy Friday
Sx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Southeast US
Posts: 332
Good luck to you!
I am starting Day Two in a few short hours myself. I am hoping to learn from others here about to negotiate some of these social situations that involve people who choose to drink.
I wish you all the luck, Sx!
I wish you all the luck, Sx!
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
After all the lovely support on this forum yesterday my friend's attitude really struck me. I think I need to reassess our friendship as right now I want to be surrounded by kind supporting people, not bitter jealous ones
I didnt go to the pubs for a long time, and still really dont except for those kind of functions. For me I need dry people,places,and things.
But you seem to be well, just always be aware that little sneaky voice can be so tricky.
Congrats on day 2 keep on rolling forward. And go to that gym when your ready, forget what that jerk was saying.
Good love, Inda
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
I agree,avoid negativity.Accept him for who he is,you can't change him but you can change you and how you react to him. Don't let him annoy you,just walk away and stay calm.I agree distancing yourself,as much as you can with a colleague
If you really don't want to go tonight then don't go.Put yourself first.After your colleagues have had a couple of drinks they won'teven notice who is there or not.You could say you have a personal appointment,they will think docs but the appointment is with yourself and your recovery-it isn't a lie
I think you have to be selfish and put your recovery first,especially so early on.good luck.x
If you really don't want to go tonight then don't go.Put yourself first.After your colleagues have had a couple of drinks they won'teven notice who is there or not.You could say you have a personal appointment,they will think docs but the appointment is with yourself and your recovery-it isn't a lie
I think you have to be selfish and put your recovery first,especially so early on.good luck.x
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