SoBroken

My ABF called this morn (i havent been letting him stay at my house) Said he had pain, numbness, and tingling in his left arm early this morn and that shortly after, his arm was kinda flopping around on its own. proceeds to say, "but i feel better now." I knew exactly what was happening (i've been thru this before with my AF - he had many mini-strokes before finally dying of one)
Long story short, Dr believes it was a TIA (mini-stroke) He was lucky, the clot took care of itself. He did not mention a thing about his excessive drinking to the Dr. He goes back in next week for more tests.
He is only 49 yrs old. -claiming he pinched a nerve at the gym yesterday and thats what caused the tingling and numbness...
Why am i not feeling anything? shouldnt i be scared for him? shouldnt i be happy he's ok? shouldn't i be sad it happend? shouldnt i be mad as hell? shouldn't i wanna wrap my arms around him? shouldnt i wanna slap him? shouldnt i wanna do SOMETHING? has my heart finally had enuff hurt and turned to stone? i feel dead inside..

Cyranoak

Perhaps it's your psyche protecting itself because you think he's going to die just like your father. I'm not a doctor, I'm just speculating.

What are you doing to take care of yourself?

Cyranoak

Hypatia

I know that dead feeling. I describe it like temporarily living inside a cotton ball. Everything seems muffled somehow, and I feel like I'm insulated and kind of apart from the real world. I can still function and do everything that needs to be done, but it's all a bit robotic. An ultimate form of temporary emotional detachment.

It is a natural reaction to emotional overload and/or prolonged stress and crisis. Otherwise known as psychological shock or acute stress reaction.

I've been lucky in that it has always gone away on its own with a few days of rest in a peaceful and relatively stress-free environment. Talking about whatever happened was also helpful.

Don't blame yourself for the current lack of feelings and emotions. Your heart and body and brain are just temporarily shielding your soul.

Take care, and try to give yourself some slack. You likely just need to rest and relax and recuperate a bit. If it bothers you or goes on for too long then speaking with a counsellor will help.

SoBroken

thanks C and H. guess what...I DID take care of myself. I was anticipating a sleepless night of anxiety, panic, and worry. not all that long ago, i would have insisted he spend the nite at my house so i could "watch over and take care" of him. After calling the ER nurse and confirming that he was in no medical danger by being alone last nite, i took a long walk with my dog (my best friend!) relaxed with some yoga, listened to some music, read. I went to bed, said a prayer for him, said a prayer for me, and slept soundly. woke up refreshed, focussed and ready to start my day. i felt a lil guilty and a lil like a bi*** for a while last nite, but it passed. i cannot believe i didnt hop back on the Merry-Go-Round from hell. at least not this time... I know there will be many trying days ahead before im outta this mess, but for now, if its not too much like tooting my own horn, im a lil bit proud of myself. thank u so much for your support

CentralOhioDad

Good for you! take care of yourself! Sounds like you are moving in the right direction!

Freedom1990

So what are you getting out of this relationship?

Just some food for thought.

Sending you hugs of support!

SoBroken

Freedom: what am i getting?...exhaustipated! (To tired to give a shi*!) Its my new favorite word i learned from some wonderful person here at SR. ive read so many threads i cant remember who it was, but ist it just the bestest!
thanks for the hugs!

Hypatia

Glad to hear that you're doing okay after a relaxing dog walk and a good night's sleep. Try to take it easy for a few more days, and then you can start some more heavy thinking. But for now stick with some heavy cuddling with your doggie. I'm doing that right now while watching the Olympics.