MyTimeNow

Probably not the best title as I am well aware of what I am doing and what I have just done. It's how easily and quickly I got here that has shocked me...

Rewind back to Tuesday...

I was 2 days away from feeling great about being sober for 2 weeks, loving how I was feeling, the early starts, looking forward to making plans for the day and getting out and doing stuff.

I don't know what it was - the sun, the pool, the garden (ha! Maybe the addiction?!) But I chose to go out and buy some beers - well, lager. I had 4 pint cans and oh my word with that and the sunshine did it go to my head. I probably shouldn't say this but I had a good time. However sitting down peacefully later, on reflection clearly I wasn't happy with my choice as although trying to write it off as no biggie, it was done, that was the end of the longest run of sobriety I'd had in a long time. I couldn't face posting on here and dealing with the replies so PM'd a trusted member here - just to get it out that evening with the full intention of posting yesterday about it.

Yesterday came, I just couldn't bring myself to post, could not find the words and thought I'll do it first thing tomorrow. I didn't drink yesterday, Tuesday was on my mind all day and even though I felt ok, I had to admit to myself - actually you're tired, you're more grumpy, you're eating crap and although I could kid myself I drank very little compared to what I used to consume - my physical symptoms were kidding nobody.

So early night, early start, still no post here and what have I just done? Bought a bloody 6 pack whilst at the shops thinking wouldn't it be great to have an afternoon like Tuesday not a day like yesterday!!!!!!!!

STRAIGHT back into AV mode, you want this, no I don't, yeah what will it hurt? I don't! You won't find out until you try...

Kerrching goes the cash register, home comes I with my 6 pack... battle battle battle mentally, and then, taking everything I have learned in the little time I have been here in the forum, from the posts, support, AVRT and Allen Carr... poured the lot down the sink.

There goes £5.50. Seems like a small price to pay though.

So I'm not sure how I'm feeling at this moment. I can be glad of what I have just done, but not proud that so easily I let myself get back to that stage. I'm not proud of Tuesday. It's frightening how easy it is to slip back, and the mind tricks that come with addiction - I never really drank lager, wine and vodka were my thing, I tricked myself into thinking lager wasn't soooo bad... I know alcohol is alcohol and the body doesn't differentiate!

This is me, coming back, learning and getting it out there. I can't give up now, I've had a tiny taste of sobriety and it felt too good to lose.

suki44883

((((HUGS)))) Good on ya for getting rid of it!

Glad you decided to post. It really does help.

MyTimeNow

Thanks Suki, I'm glad too. A real weight off my mind. What would I do without SR?!

MetalChick

I think about heading to the store for beer a gazillion times a day, and every time I pass the beer isle at Walmart it seems to be sucking me in like a f***ing black hole. I hear it gets better the longer we are sober. There where so many things I thought were better with beer, e.g, a sunny day, a BBQ, the pool. I am really starting to enjoy more and more activities without the beer.

Thanks for the post

Weasel1966

I did the same thing.

I try sometimes to reach out and type a post to help but cannot. I wish I did.

Things will get better for both of us. I know it.

Anna

It is too good to lose, so I'm glad you're back here again.

MyTimeNow

Thanks I can see now how easily some things go hand in hand, hot sunny day... pool... cold beer *sigh* I've had to question myself a lot, as it was fun, water fights, getting soaked, just horseplay - why do I not feel I can do those things sober? Why do I feel I cannot enjoy it *as* much. Probably habit and learned behaviour I guess.

I did want to say that I've seen your posts and your avatar does make me laugh! Very true - mine was usually my precious wine!

I know they will Weasel. I've read all of your posts and I know your whole heart is in it, as is mine. We are learning and I believe strongly that we will get there.

Jeni26

Well done for chucking it away. The cost if you'd drank it would have been far more than £5.50.
Time to start again. Keep posting. We are all here for you xx

justhadenough

Be proud of yourself for pouring it away,MTN

I agree with Jeni-£5.50is a small amount to lose compared to the greater loss if you had drunk it

If you feel you want to drink please come on here for help.x

Live2Run25

Good job for throwing it out. That's awesome! So you slipped, we all have at some point. Start over.. you can do it!!

duane1

My near 2 months of sobriety started with throwing away a new box of wine and an 18 pack at the beginning of a 4 day weekend. You can do this. You slipped up, but the important part is to catch yourself and start down the path to sobriety again. Use this as a learning experience of how powerful the AV is the next time you think of picking up a 6 pack. This thread has provided yet another reminder to me.

TodayisGood

Very glad you posted about the experience. What you went through is honestly my biggest fear. At some point, the challenge will come, and I'll remember what you've said. Thanks for writing it all out. Hope it helped you too. Isn't that weird? In the mist of such an ugly situation we've gotten ourselves into, emerges a perfect harmony of helpfulness between people. Wish you the best. Stay strong. You can do it!

NoFireWater

It is really helpful when people post the bad stuff too. Nobody is perfect, and you might stop someone else from slipping up. The forums wouldn't be helpful if everyone just quit, got it right the first time, and it seemed like it was that easy. It's hard! We all get that, and being seduced by a summer day isn't the first or last time that will happen to someone.

Good for you to have poured out the latest purchase, and coming here to tell about it! I wonder why some things aren't as fun as they are while you're drinking, but try to reverse it and think of things that are better when you're NOT drinking.

MyTimeNow

I so want to say thank you and reply to you all personally and I will in the morning. I just sat down, 8pm - I thought it was all quiet and time for peace, but no... my 3 year old just piped up again. This is what I am struggling with as well, it being the holidays, no nursery, no school, everything is out of whack and I am getting so frustrated with the lack of 'me' time. There is none unless we are all asleep.

So apologies for the quick reply. I really do appreciate everything you guys have said and I'll reply properly in the morning when hopefully I can sneak down without missy hearing me for a few cuppas in peace

DisplacedGRITS

Your post is amazingly insightful for me since i haven't had a relapse while being in meaningful recovery. You've made amazing progress. Imagine where that inital stumble could have led. Keep practicing your sobriety and don't be embarassed to post here. You seem to have learned a fom the experience and i know i've learned a lot from you. Thank you so much for sharing! You are absolutely amazing to have recovered and gained so much from the experience so quickly! Keep humbling yourself to it. You're doing well. We're not perfect but as long as we learn from our mistakes we'll keep moving forward.

bryangt

T R I G G E R S!! Glad you poured it out--that's saying something. There are triggers around every corner--sounds, smells, sights, sun, someone, the list goes on. Just change gears when you notice a trigger. Take action...pouring down the sink was a solid action. Shows your treasure your sobriety. Hats off & welcome back..

mecanix

I've also found this week difficult in the uk's hot weather .

Just to stop and have half a bitter outside a country pub in the sunshine would be nice
...
but i think on , i'd probally get confident in just having the one , so i'd have one with dinner ....
then a week later whats the problem with having one after dinner ..
then maybe seeing as it's the weekend maybe half a bottle ..
then seeing as i've nearly finnished the bottle i'd better drink it all ,
Then maybe i should buy two next time as the weekends are quite long ...

he he he , i am such an alcoholic , thankfully i know myself quite well and know what i'm like .. seems like you know yourself quite well , as well, even after a "moment of madness"

best wishes M

SmittyBittyBoo

MTN-thank you so, so much for posting this. It came at a wonderful time for me. For the first time in over a week (I'll be 3 weeks on Monday)-I am feeling the pull. Like really, really bad. One of the things that is keeping me straight is not wanting to throw away all I've worked for (instead of "I've worked so hard, I deserve a drink!)

ultrabunny

Ive been exactly in the same place, over and over and over.

Well done for chucking the beers down the sink.

The sun is a mighty big trigger for me too.

Sentso

MTN I was actually wondering where you were...

I'm glad you poured the 6 pack down the sink!
You can actually be proud that you fell once and came back on track so fast, it's a good sign.

What would I do without SR? I think I know... and that's why I keep coming back everyday.
So glad to have you back!