Why does my mind race until 4am or later?

Old 07-26-2012, 05:04 AM
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Why does my mind race until 4am or later?

It's only been a month since I took the kids and ran. Now I find myself so conerned about his well being that I worry all the time. I'm having a hard time sleeping. I lay awake and dwell on my AH. Is this normal? How long until I can just let go and do I really want to?

The last time he tried to contact me was when he thought he was going to prison. He doesn't want to talk to his 3 kids or even bother to hear about them. I don't even know why I still care for someone that only cares about himself.
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Old 07-26-2012, 05:13 AM
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I don't really have an answer to the why do we worry but I think with me it was a mixture or codependency but also being a decent human who feels for others when they're ill which clearly our A's are. I don't miss my former AH whatsoever but I do find myself now and then wondering how far down the spiral of disease he's headed and feel sad him for throwing his life away.

The mind racing and unable to sleep/be at ease sounds like anxiety to me and I wonder if seeing a therapist or even a doctor about it might help?

Just wanted to post and say you're not alone in what you're feeling.
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Old 07-26-2012, 05:33 AM
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This is completly new for me. I've always been the type to put my head on my pillow and be asleep within 5 minutes. I know my children and I need to seek therapy. All the signs were there for years I was just uneducated. I've been reading a book that explains the family dynamic of alcoholism.
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Old 07-26-2012, 05:49 AM
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Whenever I have had mind racing late into the night, it was clinical depression.
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Old 07-26-2012, 06:15 AM
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Body Scan Meditation : M Cullen : Free Download & Streaming : Internet Archive


When I have this problem I listen to books on CD or meditation downloads.

This one above is one of my favorites.

This will pass, it just takes time.

Take good care.
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Old 07-26-2012, 12:25 PM
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Hi,
Breakups are really difficult, I haven't been sleeping too well myself. I still worry and obsess over my XABF as well (it's been 3 weeks for me), but I refuse to contact him. I have closed the door on that part of my life. I think in time it will be easier. You could try seeing a doctor if the sleep problems persist.

hope you feel better soon,
hugs

-z
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Old 07-26-2012, 05:50 PM
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I experience lack of sleep right after we split.

The Journey from Abandonment to Healing (a book by Susan Anderson) actually really helped me to see that there were hormones involved and that helped me to understand that many in times of stress experience what I did.
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Old 07-26-2012, 09:46 PM
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I left on October 31, I still have the occasional night where I can't switch my head off (maybe once or twice a month, which is a huge improvement as for a time it was every night for months on end). I also have nightmares, sometimes flashbacks and sometimes about things that had never happened but it always terrified me and I woke up having a panic attack. I think for me it's a way of kind of processing stuff. I dont deal with anything during the day because I have a toddler to keep me on my feet. I have consciously avoiding dealing with my emotions for a really long time. Once I started trying to deal with things, through counselling, meetings etc, I found that I was able to sleep and stopped having nightmares other than very occasionally.
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Old 07-26-2012, 10:46 PM
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I can't sleep right now because of our separation! Ugh...
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Old 07-27-2012, 04:16 AM
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I talked with my AH tonight. My Ah wakes up screaming my name (So he says), but still won't get treatment. He's angry at me for leaving, but still fails to see the big picture.

I can't even talk to him without getting frustrated with him. He doesn't need help I do according to him. I'm sure I do. All of us do.

A part of me was hoping that if I left he would wake up. I know he's in there somewhere. I know he loves the kids and I beneath the fog. He was a wonderful man and alcohol has destroyed our lives.

I feel angry, betrayed, hurt, abonded (even though I left him), and confused. The last thing I want to do is give up. What if we divorse and he gets sober? Will another woman get the man that I've been waiting so long to have back? The kids and I deserve the him I know he is capable of being.

T. Graham Brown
And once upon a time you turned the water into wine
Now on my knees I'm turning to you father
Could you help me turn the wine back into water
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Old 07-27-2012, 04:39 AM
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Of course you feel angry, betrayed, hurt, and abandoned even though you left him because he abandoned you, the relationship and the family long ago, didn't he?

And of course you are confused. You have been mired in the sickness of alcoholism and addiction for how long now?

And you're afraid to let go. And one of your excuses your brain makes up is the fear that once you are done, it will make him see what he has lost and finally get sober, but then it will be too late because he will find someone else. These are all just fears. They are not real. What is real is what is happening, and who he is TODAY. Not tomorrow. You have to learn to stay in the Present Moment. We have no crystal ball. He is not likely to all if a sudden have an epiphany and need to get sober, change everything about his life, and stay sober. And anyway, it's not a good idea to arrange our lives and make our life decisions around an alcoholic and what an alcoholic may or may not do. Because they are chaotic and unpredictable. Unstable.

You have your own inner compass, don't you? Remember back to when you used to rely on and follow your own inner compass. What did it tell you you wanted? Where did it tell you to go? What was important to you? Find it. It's there deep inside of you, buried in layers of sickness.
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Old 07-27-2012, 02:58 PM
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L2L you are absolutely right. I've been with him almsot 13 years and I was 16 when we started dating. I realized there was a problem in 2004. He got sober as far as I knew. I later found out that he was hiding it and doing really well at it. It wasn't until he was fired December 8th 2010 that he became sloppy. I was so gullable. I 'd ask him for years why his breath smelled like alcohol. He would just say it's his energy drink. It was just not the kind I thought. It was sparks. I guess that justified the lying in his eyes.
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