This IS a lawyer's job, right?
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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This IS a lawyer's job, right?
I get this text from my dad:
It's important that you give this message to Mom! The mortgage check for the beach condo bounced because the check I deposited last month was late. Anyway, she needs to call Wells Fargo and pay it over the phone from the bank account. The number is (and then he gives me the number). If it's not done in the next 5 days, they will report it to the credit bureau!!!!! Please give her this message!!
So I ask him:
Isn't that something you can tell mom's lawyer?
And he says:
No!!! There is not enough time. Plus the lawyer charges for everything at $400 an hour. I'd have to call my lawyer and then he would have to call her lawyer. It would take 3 weeks (there unbelievably slow) and cost around $400 just to get a damn message to her!!! Please!
I tell him:
You can try to work it out with mom's lawyer, you can try to work it out with the bank, but you can't work this out through/with me.
And he gets mad and starts calling me names, etc.
I don't know what I did wrong, if anything.
I feel like I don't have a father anymore, if I even had one in the first place.
It's important that you give this message to Mom! The mortgage check for the beach condo bounced because the check I deposited last month was late. Anyway, she needs to call Wells Fargo and pay it over the phone from the bank account. The number is (and then he gives me the number). If it's not done in the next 5 days, they will report it to the credit bureau!!!!! Please give her this message!!
So I ask him:
Isn't that something you can tell mom's lawyer?
And he says:
No!!! There is not enough time. Plus the lawyer charges for everything at $400 an hour. I'd have to call my lawyer and then he would have to call her lawyer. It would take 3 weeks (there unbelievably slow) and cost around $400 just to get a damn message to her!!! Please!
I tell him:
You can try to work it out with mom's lawyer, you can try to work it out with the bank, but you can't work this out through/with me.
And he gets mad and starts calling me names, etc.
I don't know what I did wrong, if anything.
I feel like I don't have a father anymore, if I even had one in the first place.
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Join Date: May 2008
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Yes. Or the lawyer could have an articling student make the call at a much lower charge out rate.
Boy, your Dad stops at nothing it seems to get your Mothers attention. As awful as it is to be dragged in, it is your Dad's problem that he didn't have the required funds in the bank regardless of a late withdrawl. He should have been watching his account balance before allowing other charges.
Tell him that mistakes are expensive.
Boy, your Dad stops at nothing it seems to get your Mothers attention. As awful as it is to be dragged in, it is your Dad's problem that he didn't have the required funds in the bank regardless of a late withdrawl. He should have been watching his account balance before allowing other charges.
Tell him that mistakes are expensive.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
Well, my mom has a restraining order against him, but he doesn't seem to quite "get" that.
And this was an earlier text:
One reason the business is down is that I'm so depressed I can't get anything done. I'm always crying; it's hard to make sales calls when you're in my state of mind! But I'm trying really hard!
And this was an earlier text:
One reason the business is down is that I'm so depressed I can't get anything done. I'm always crying; it's hard to make sales calls when you're in my state of mind! But I'm trying really hard!
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
choublak, I don't even think this is about your mom anymore. I think this is about him trying to get at you. 
I don't know how you put up with it. It really is OK to block his number. If you don't want to cut all contact you can block his number and call him once a week (or once every two weeks, or twice a week or whatever) to check in and maintain your relationship and if he starts talking his nonsense you can hang up on him. You can call him back the next week. Repeat repeat repeat. He'll either get it or not but you won't be subjecting yourself to his craziness - and what he is saying and doing is completely nuts. It is not you!
I don't know how you put up with it. It really is OK to block his number. If you don't want to cut all contact you can block his number and call him once a week (or once every two weeks, or twice a week or whatever) to check in and maintain your relationship and if he starts talking his nonsense you can hang up on him. You can call him back the next week. Repeat repeat repeat. He'll either get it or not but you won't be subjecting yourself to his craziness - and what he is saying and doing is completely nuts. It is not you!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Originally Posted by Thumper 
choublak, I don't even think this is about your mom anymore. I think this is about him trying to get at you.
I don't know how you put up with it. It really is OK to block his number. If you don't want to cut all contact you can block his number and call him once a week (or once every two weeks, or twice a week or whatever) to check in and maintain your relationship and if he starts talking his nonsense you can hang up on him. You can call him back the next week. Repeat repeat repeat. He'll either get it or not but you won't be subjecting yourself to his craziness - and what he is saying and doing is completely nuts. It is not you!
I don't know how you put up with it. It really is OK to block his number. If you don't want to cut all contact you can block his number and call him once a week (or once every two weeks, or twice a week or whatever) to check in and maintain your relationship and if he starts talking his nonsense you can hang up on him. You can call him back the next week. Repeat repeat repeat. He'll either get it or not but you won't be subjecting yourself to his craziness - and what he is saying and doing is completely nuts. It is not you!
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
I mean you are paying a very high price for it, just not in dollars.
If you are on the hook to put up with his abuse in exchange for money and the phone - that is a price you are paying. I'm sorry you are in such a pickle. Hopefully you are putting together a concrete plan to be financially independent as soon as you can. Financial independence is a gift and it holds freedom. It was pounded into my head since I can remember and I've been working my azz off since I was 14yo and I can't say I regret it.
If you are on the hook to put up with his abuse in exchange for money and the phone - that is a price you are paying. I'm sorry you are in such a pickle. Hopefully you are putting together a concrete plan to be financially independent as soon as you can. Financial independence is a gift and it holds freedom. It was pounded into my head since I can remember and I've been working my azz off since I was 14yo and I can't say I regret it.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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Choublak, it might be a good idea to tell your parents that they need to get another mediator.
With all due respect to you and your situation, your parents are out of line, it's unfair, and cruel to continue to put a child in the middle of a war between his parents.
The only one who can stop this madness is you.
With all due respect to you and your situation, your parents are out of line, it's unfair, and cruel to continue to put a child in the middle of a war between his parents.
The only one who can stop this madness is you.
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Originally Posted by Katiekate
Choublak, it might be a good idea to tell your parents that they need to get another mediator.
With all due respect to you and your situation, your parents are out of line, it's unfair, and cruel to continue to put a child in the middle of a war between his parents.
The only one who can stop this madness is you.
With all due respect to you and your situation, your parents are out of line, it's unfair, and cruel to continue to put a child in the middle of a war between his parents.
The only one who can stop this madness is you.
Not sure how old you are, but being dependent on your Dad, if you are able to get a job and support yourself, is only going to keep you chained to him. And I think you realize where that's getting you.
Like what was said earlier by Thumper - that's an expensive iPhone.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
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I really hate that your parents are placing you in the middle ~ but you do have the ability to step out of the way ~
For me personally a phone isn't worth my serenity & sanity ~ saying NO to our parents & setting boundaries with them is sometimes the hardest ~ but it can also be the most beneficial to our recovery ~
As others have suggested - maybe see what option you can do to have your own phone ~ even if it is a pay as you go phone ~ taking control of your own life can be empowering!
Wishing you the best!
Rita
For me personally a phone isn't worth my serenity & sanity ~ saying NO to our parents & setting boundaries with them is sometimes the hardest ~ but it can also be the most beneficial to our recovery ~
As others have suggested - maybe see what option you can do to have your own phone ~ even if it is a pay as you go phone ~ taking control of your own life can be empowering!
Wishing you the best!
Rita
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Location: rural Germany
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Legit? Because Daddy is paying for the phone? I disagree.
Let's examine this a bit further. If a 16 year old is living with a divorced parent then is it legit for that parent to use the kid as a middle-man simply because the parent is paying all the bills? If a 20 year old is still partly dependent on a parent because of promises made and kept to help with university tuition and costs, then should that kid act as messenger boy? If a 30-year old accepts a gift then they remain obligated?
Nope, sorry. Parents can use a lawyer in a timely manner, or have a third-party mediator on standby, or ask a Priest or Minister to act as go-between, or all sorts of other ways to communicate that won't break a restraining order and won't involve the children.
Let's examine this a bit further. If a 16 year old is living with a divorced parent then is it legit for that parent to use the kid as a middle-man simply because the parent is paying all the bills? If a 20 year old is still partly dependent on a parent because of promises made and kept to help with university tuition and costs, then should that kid act as messenger boy? If a 30-year old accepts a gift then they remain obligated?
Nope, sorry. Parents can use a lawyer in a timely manner, or have a third-party mediator on standby, or ask a Priest or Minister to act as go-between, or all sorts of other ways to communicate that won't break a restraining order and won't involve the children.
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Originally Posted by choublak
He gives me money. He also pays for my phone, which he has threatened to cut off. He's using that stuff to play me.
L
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
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Originally Posted by sparklingeyes
Legit, as in they will need to pay $400 for one message.
And even if the $400 figure is accurate, heck - I paid a moving van to get XABF's stuff out of my apartment. It was worth every penny, because the movers were the ones who had to talk to him, NOT me.
Originally Posted by choublak
Well, my mom has a restraining order against him, but he doesn't seem to quite "get" that.
My mother used my college tuition and my bedroom at my parents' house as something to hold over my head.
I am so grateful to have my own apartment and job and pay for everything myself. You cannot put a price on freedom.
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
I LOVE YOUR BOUNDARIES with your dad....!!!CONGRATS on that....keep it up...
your rite does not concern you....but maybe this phone he is paying is a headache and a CONTROLLING item...maybe its time to get rid of it?
only you know where your serenity lies......
your rite does not concern you....but maybe this phone he is paying is a headache and a CONTROLLING item...maybe its time to get rid of it?
only you know where your serenity lies......
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