Sailing2012

So here we go. I'm so relieved to find a site like this. My spouse of 10 years has finally reached his rock bottom and admitted the severity of his problem. He is ready to end his battle and fight this disease. I was so relieved, felt like jumping for joy until I started making calls. He will definitely need detox and at least intensive outpatient. No family support as he is so shamed I promised him no family or friends would know. So on my own, as well. I think I found one decent center about an hour away. Insurance won't cover the nice residential center with detox. It has to be a hospital. My dread and worry is starting to kick in but I've got to keep it positive. He's asking for help, not lockdown. He's not a criminal, he's sick This is all going down tomorrow, day 1, so any advice would be appreciated. Are my ideas about detox irrational? Is there another way to ensure safe detox?

Pondlady

Welcome Sailing,

I can't answer your questions about detox, but wanted to welcome you and say I admire you for helping your husband. Others, with more experience will chime in. You've come to the right place.

IndaMiricale

He wont be treated like a criminal, he will be treated for what he is a alcoholic that is reaching out for help. Try not to worry he will be in good hand and done with detox in several days.

I went to the hospital 3 times for detox. And once was taken to the ICU, so your doing the right thing.

Keep us posted.

MetalChick

Awesome that he is deciding to get help

My friend just went through detox about a month ago at a hospital, and it turned out to be a very good one. He said they treated him like a king. He had his own room, giant TV, the people where super cool. I would ask/call around and try to find out what hospitals are the best for your situation. If you have a choice that is. If not, you just have to work with what you have available. He doesn't have to be in a fancy expensive rehab in order to detox. This is a medical issue with detox and a hospital is OK.

I hope the best for you both

artsoul

The hospital should be able to do an assessment to determine the best treatment for him. It really is a huge hurdle for an alcoholic to admit we have a problem and are ready to seek help.

If I had to come up with a tip, it would be to learn about alcoholism and give it time.... Detox only takes about a week, but learning to live sober takes longer - more like months and years.

Take care of yourself, too.... Have you considered al-anon?

Landrover74

I did my own " sober house" in my own home. Sent my wife and kids off for six days. I had a sober friend stay at my house for the time. He happened to be a registered nurse. I was fine with very few symptoms. I'm now four weeks sobEr. During the six days I learned new ways to not drink. Soda water and lemon was my "cocktail" when I walked in the door. Bought some books about alcoholism and read a lot!

jennikate

I detoxed in a hospital and it was fine. It was clean, safe, and medically supervised. That was really all I needed. Turns out it was much nicer than the rehab but that's another story.
My husband now participates in alanon and it's helped both of us a lot. I would encourage you to check it out when you can.
Wishing you both the best.

Huey

Hi There and Welcome. A clinically controlled detox is very necessary and the only safe option (I've been there) I'm certain that your spouse will be treated with the greatest of respect and even compassion. You're both being very brave, and if your spouse is serious and means business, things will only get better for you both. I wish you the very best of luck.

Sailing2012

He did it! He went in. We had a long wait after a long drive. A few tense moments when he was ready to bail. With no other options, he stuck it out and was admitted. Thank you all so much for your replies. It helped me really deal with the gravity of the situation. In speaking with him, he's comfortable, the shakes are lessening, blood pressure good and mingling with other residents. It's not so bad, apparently and he's still very motivated. So proud of him! I on the other hand have just spent 2 hours cleaning the kitchen out of all the booze and not through yet, have to sell the mini-fridge with 28 beers inside, getting rid of all of the drinking shirts, boxing up the wine glasses and pints, drinking signs on the patio, frozen drink makers. I don't consider myself an alcoholic but this house and its contents is set up for him to fail. My anxiety is building and I can't tell a soul about this. I get to see him in the morning and I don't think I'm going to spill a word about what this house was like to clear out. I just want him to come home to a clean, non-alcoholic home. Money on booze will be spent on counseling for both of us. Any other triggers I need to consider removing? Sorry, I'm a taker right now. Hopefully, can give back some support soon.

soulgypsy

Your spouse is lucky to have you for support. I am sure he will be well taken care of during his detox by people who are capable and really want to help. I wish both of you healing and peace. I am so glad you are here.

tzivia

I'm glad to hear your husband's doing so well. That's great. He's very lucky to have you supporting him.

Sounds like you're doing all the right things in removing anything that might be a trigger for him. Good luck, and I wish both of you the best.

Pondlady

I'm so glad he went ahead with his plan. I think counseling for both of you is a great idea, as I'm sure there will be some underlying issues to work on. Sounds like you've been pretty darn busy ...I bet you have a real sense of ( well deserved) accomplishment.

debsam

That's great news Sailing and it sounds like you've done some homework

I agree, no need to mention what you've done with house clean up...let him concentrate on detox and getting his mind and body healthy.

I highly recommend Alanon as well. Not sure if this has been suggested to you already, but the Friends & Family Forum here at SoberRecovery is great support with people who have been exactly where you are.

Big hugs Sailing....you're doing great!

katiedid722

I'm so glad that he came to you for health. That was probably the hardest part!! The greatest days are ahead! Be strong <3

tomsteve

it is an amazing blessing for him to have you. one thing that concerns me is in your original post:
"So on my own, as well."

is this referring to getting him into detox or helping him?

either way, i would highly suggest you look into al anon for you. fresh into a life without alcohol, we drunks can be a lil hard to handle and yer gonna need support from others who are in your shoes.

Sailing2012

A lot of both, Tomsteve. Until he is home, I am hiding his disappearance from everyone. We are both very family oriented and i find it difficult to lie, but i am having to, while at the same time keeping up family communications on his behalf as if everything is status quo. Well, really have lied for the last ten years anyway, I guess. And, as you can imagine, he is very sociable with the neighbors at times, who have become very dysfunctional friends and I am avoiding contact at all costs. Your question has made me ponder. I think I am the queen of enabling. Al anon call tomorrow. I need to be strong, too. and

tomsteve

please remember it wasnt you that got him drunk and you alone cant get him sober. from personal experience, i had to have people that had been in my shoes help me. they understand my thinking.

SSIL75

Right. I'm concerned that you are taking on too much. Best of luck!

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

Just curious, why didn't he make the calls to the center?

Pondlady

I agree with the above posts. This isn't all "on you". My father was an alcoholic (quit in 1974) and we were all too busy covering up and trying to create the perfect facade, to deal with our own feelings. It wasn't until he stopped drinking, that our repressed anguish was set free....and bubbled to the surface. It made for some rocky times, at what we thought should be a perfect time. Looking back, it had to happen...and it was healthy that it did. I think al anon would be a great idea for you! Remember to do something nice for yourself today