Hard Day But I Got Through It
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
Hard Day But I Got Through It
Hello SR Friends,
My husband and I met with a family counselor today and my AD who plans to leave treatment on Friday. We did not bring our 14 year old D. It went better than I expected it to, and although it was incredibly painful, we made progress in naming the hurt, betrayal, guilt, shame and other baggage that's accumulated the past few years. She seemed to understand why she can't come home, through lots of tears, and wants so badly to be forgiven. Strange to me, because holding it against her has never been part of my personality. It seems the more love we showered on her, the more she internalized her own self-hatred...anyway, that's too complicated to write about, exhausted as I am right now!
She is going to leave the center Friday. She has to figure out a place to stay. She knows she is welcome to visit, have dinner, see her sister, hang out. But she is not living here for the meantime. It was torturous for me, but I stuck to it, and want you all to know that the posts you shared last night and this morning really buoyed my resolve. I know it is the right decision. I am exhausted but calm inside.
She seems to have learned and accepted a lot about herself in 4 weeks, as much as an 18 year old AD can... She admitted that she arrived there determined to ride it out and get the hell out ASAP. Now she sees that she needed it and that her recovery is her responsibility and that it will be hard and she will take it one day at a time. The counselor said she was very proud of her for staying as long as she did because her artistic temperament, her introverted personality, and aversion to rigid schedules were a challenge she could see for my AD the day she arrived. She is proud of her for staying this long. This gave me a different perspective. Those things are all true. They are some of the many things I love about her.
One final note. I just spoke to a 20something family member who has been sober for 7 years. He has offered to pay for four months of her rent in a sober house so she can get on her feet. She has to contact him and I will be the banker (she won't see a dime of it). This may mean she can do the IOP program, find a job, and not be homeless. We shall see what she does with this opportunity. I am going to stay as detached as possible.
Thank you again for your support.
My husband and I met with a family counselor today and my AD who plans to leave treatment on Friday. We did not bring our 14 year old D. It went better than I expected it to, and although it was incredibly painful, we made progress in naming the hurt, betrayal, guilt, shame and other baggage that's accumulated the past few years. She seemed to understand why she can't come home, through lots of tears, and wants so badly to be forgiven. Strange to me, because holding it against her has never been part of my personality. It seems the more love we showered on her, the more she internalized her own self-hatred...anyway, that's too complicated to write about, exhausted as I am right now!
She is going to leave the center Friday. She has to figure out a place to stay. She knows she is welcome to visit, have dinner, see her sister, hang out. But she is not living here for the meantime. It was torturous for me, but I stuck to it, and want you all to know that the posts you shared last night and this morning really buoyed my resolve. I know it is the right decision. I am exhausted but calm inside.
She seems to have learned and accepted a lot about herself in 4 weeks, as much as an 18 year old AD can... She admitted that she arrived there determined to ride it out and get the hell out ASAP. Now she sees that she needed it and that her recovery is her responsibility and that it will be hard and she will take it one day at a time. The counselor said she was very proud of her for staying as long as she did because her artistic temperament, her introverted personality, and aversion to rigid schedules were a challenge she could see for my AD the day she arrived. She is proud of her for staying this long. This gave me a different perspective. Those things are all true. They are some of the many things I love about her.
One final note. I just spoke to a 20something family member who has been sober for 7 years. He has offered to pay for four months of her rent in a sober house so she can get on her feet. She has to contact him and I will be the banker (she won't see a dime of it). This may mean she can do the IOP program, find a job, and not be homeless. We shall see what she does with this opportunity. I am going to stay as detached as possible.
Thank you again for your support.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
All I can say is...BRAVO!!!!!! You did GOOD! I know it hasn't been (and won't be) easy, but I promise you it's the best thing to maximize her chances ....and that IS what it's all about after all. Stay strong. We're here to support you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 598
Good for you. I think if there is a chance your daughter will buckle down and work on her recovery, her chances are greater somewhere other than home. Our kids just feel too comfortable when they are under our roofs. So fortunate that your family member came forward to help out. Wonderful. Best of luck to all of you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: MI
Posts: 452
Good job, GardenMama. I admire your strength. I understand how hard it was for you to stand your ground, but I think you made the right decision and handled things very well. I hope that your daughter takes advantage of the opportunity being offered to her, but if she doesn't, that is her choice to make. I am praying for you and your daughter.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: not sure
Posts: 452
Good for you and your boundaries. May save lots of grief later. Also thankful for her to have the opportunity offered for the rent - very generous, and hope she takes full advantage of it to get on her feet.
Proud of you.
Proud of you.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Bravo and well done from me too. It isn't easy to make tough decisions, but in the end it's the easy ones that get us in trouble.
She has an opportunity now to continue working on her recovery in a safe and clean environment. It's her choice.
I often suggest that "we" are not their only option, "we're" not even a good one. Your post here just shows that when we step back and get out of God's way, life just may bring a blessing that couldn't happen while we were in the way.
Hugs
She has an opportunity now to continue working on her recovery in a safe and clean environment. It's her choice.
I often suggest that "we" are not their only option, "we're" not even a good one. Your post here just shows that when we step back and get out of God's way, life just may bring a blessing that couldn't happen while we were in the way.
Hugs
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