dragonfire613

Ok I've been posting in the methadone/suboxone forum primarily since that is my specific issue, but this forum is much more heavily trafficked so I'm moving this one over here.

Pardon me if this is against the rules (I'm not entirely sure), and if so, mods, feel free to remove this thread immediately.

OK, so I'm on day 6 of suboxone detox. The physical part has eased up greatly over the past couple of days... the mental part, is kind of a roller coaster of ups and downs right now... but I digress somewhat.

I'm an engineer for a manufacturing company... and if this is a boast so be it, but I am dang good at what I do. I solve problems, and generally, I solve them faster, better, and cheaper than most of my peers.

I'm the guy at work that you bring a major problem to, tell me I have 2 weeks to get a solution and fix implemented, and I come back in 2 days and have it all done. I love that feeling of surprising people like that (when most of my peers would wait 'til the deadline to even start working the problem). So if you have a problem, or a design task that seems impossible, you come to me and I find a way for you and impress the hell outta you in the process. I get off on it, if I haven't said that already. I take great pride in it.

But my career is largely self-motivated, self-managed with a little oversight from my superiors, and self-paced (so, unlike many other jobs, I can come into work, sit at my desk in my office all day, and people assume I'm working... at least for a few days until people start asking about progress on projects and deadlines and such). Perhaps unfortunately, I have set the bar rather high for myself.

The problem is, during this detox I have had ZERO desire to do any work. I've knocked a few things out, half-assed and half-heartedly since coming back to work Monday. Mostly I've been looking busy while really trolling SR all day focusing on my recovery (which, maybe I need at this time). I just can't seem to focus on my work, or care to focus on my work...

I'm starting to think that all of my previous motivation, go-get-em attitude, etc. over the past few years is the just the Suboxone coming through, and perhaps I'm not really that person after all sober, which would suck, because I really like being that person.

I suppose I'm looking for advice on what I can do to help kick-start my motivation at work, because I can't go on as I have thus far this week. Or perhaps encouragement that I will be motivated again at some point? I feel like I'm kind of gridlocked...

Thanks for reading.

heyitsme

Hi Dragonfire - your post reminded me off myself at one point. When I was on oxy at work I would be fast and motivated. But when i was going through withdrawals... forget about it. I wasn't motivated to do any work at all! I think it is completely normal to feel this way at the beginning of your detox. It will take a bit for your brain to start firing again and for you to be able to have the same "umph" that you had before. I remember that I went through w/d's, did the bare minimum at work for about a week and when I started to feel better again, my work actually improved. I could remember things people asked me to do and if I am honest with myself, I wasn't prone to losing my temper as much.

The kind of person you have been at work, IMO, is the kind of worker you are. I wouldn't worry that it won't come back at all. Cause I think it is always there, you just have to find it again as a sober person. If you can, lay low at work for the next 5-10 days. Blame a cold or allergies that have your brain all foggy. The drive and determination will come back... and it will come back 10 fold!

Good luck!!

Opio

Dragonfire - I completely understand what you mean regarding work. On pills, and to a lesser extent on dope, I was an animal at work. Need something tomorrow at 8AM and we need to pull an all-nighter to get it done? Let me check my pill bottle...ok, no problem I am all set. In fact, I got into my daily use because I could perform well at work, and I had so much more endurance than when I was sober. I was also taking uppers pretty much all the time too (amphetamines not meth or coke). Of course, that was the honeymoon phase that didn't last. When I was in withdrawal it would take every fiber of my being to do the smallest tasks. I am shocked no one picked up on it over the years, but the work was getting done and that is all that they cared about.

In my first week of withdrawal I stopped on a Wednesday, worked on Thursday, and went in to work on that Friday with no sleep. It was a terrible, terrible day and I just sat at my desk listening to music as much as I could. My work was very similar to what you describe in that people didn't care when I did my work so long as it got done on time. There wasn't anyone looking over my shoulder and it would have been on me if things got messed up. That gave me Saturday and Sunday for days 3 and 4, respectively. The following week (days 5 - 9) was pretty much terrible the whole time and I had no "umph" to do anything. I was basically hiding at my desk (or in the bathroom) doing the bare minimum so that no one else noticed. If I had been working on a construction site or something else that was physically demanding I would have been up a creek.

By day 15 it was drastically better, but the residual effects lasted a long time for me. By the 90 day mark I got most of the internal drive back. I am currently at about 4 1/2 months and I am still not back to 100% (probably 98% if I was going to put a number on it). If I can get started on something at work I am back to my old self, but I admit that I procrastinate more than I did when I was high. I was a daily user for a little under 7 years so I figure that I still have a while before I can evaluate whether what I am experiencing is PAWS or just reality.

Lovities

You are going through a change and you are going to feel unmotivated for a little while and then you will get back to normal. It will just be an adjustment and the real you will come back through and shine at work again. It is very hard to get off of any kind of medication or mind altering drug be it prescribed or non. Don't let this get you down, you will be back to your awesome self soon! But, it might be a hard road to get there. Don't give up!

dragonfire613

Just to follow up almost 3 weeks clean... you guys were right and I am getting back to my old self a little more every day (in regards to getting work done, anyway... but really overall I'm a new, better, self)

I'm probably up to about 80-85%, with spells of being 100% and sometimes 110% even. Right now I try to go at a good steady pace, but certainly not all "Balls to the Wall" or anything... but I'm not worried about it anymore.

And I've noticed recently I'm having real, true, conversations with my co-workers... whereas before it was always get to the point as fast as possible to end the conversation and go about whatever I was doing. I'm also remembering things better... I used to have to write down any important details else I would forget them in my work... but now I've noticed I don't have to check my notes as often because I'm already certain what they say. Its nice.

Thanks for replying folks. You were right of course.

livingrin

Hey Dragonfire,
where abouts did the energy start coming back? its been 16 days for me and this lack of energy is killing me. i am wondering if it has anything to do with my sleep. still can't sleep more than 10-15 minutes at a time. glad your doing well.

dragonfire613

Somewhere around the 10-14 day mark for me... some days are better than others... but my sleep problems are nowhere near as bad as what you describe, so that may be related too.