LoveMeNow

I am not sure about how this plays into my codependent issue but it certainly helps MY sanity.

We were constantly having plumbing issues and it was NOT fun. I suspected my son was behind it. I knew he was! But over and over, I was told "oh, no...he wouldn't do that." I even had one counselor from his previous behavioral center tell me "toilets back up and we are not going to discuss this any further."

I was really beginning to think I was nuts. I felt guilty for thinking it. Maybe we just had plumbing issues and I was wrongly blaming my poor son but deep down I know that wasn't the case. But the self doubt was there, I mean why would he do that? He was loved and cared for. What kind of person would do that?? No, he wouldn't do that, I had to be wrong.

Yesterday, I spoke to the program director of the program he is currently in. They were having many plumbing issues that became very annoying and expensive. The other residents were even becoming annoyed. It was discovered it was my son doing it.
What??? OMG!!!!!

My son has been claiming with such sincerity to have changed, he has surrendered to God and really wants to come home! "Things will be different, I promise...please give me a second chance" Uhmmm,you mean your 100th chance.

The director knew I had believed my son was backing up our plumbing and was honest enough to say "I now believe he was doing it intentionally at your home as well."

So, I hung and felt validated. I am not nuts. I did not unfairly accuse my son of doing something so awful. My instincts were right....and I felt some kind of relief but then some kind of sadness too.

He is set to be discharged on 7/31 and no other options have been found yet. I can not and will not let him return home. I can not live through this insanity again. The plumbing is just one example of a long list.

Feeling validated and wondering is that always such a bad thing????

LoveMeNow

I understand the difference when it comes to others however the lines get blurry when my own emotions get involved.

Many times, I have found myself seeking validation about my instincts in regards to my son. It can be hard to imagine such a sweet, beautiful kid doing the things he was doing. Self doubt is terrible!

octoberrain

I was finding pens taken apart around my house. I did not want to believe my son was using again and in my house! Then I found one in my car. There was no reason for it being there. After all, I would not do that. Then the flash backs started coming. How many times have I seen those pens. I had seen them at his house too. Was it a coincidence? No it wasn't. I did not want to believe it but there was the evidence. He was still using.
Then I found burnt tin foil in his dresser draw. He was taking the pens apart to smoke his drugs with! I thought I was going nuts finding these pens all over. Was he leaving them where I could see them because he was calling out for help? That is what I let myself to believe. So I asked him about them. Of course he denied it. I had to let him go
The pens were my validation. There it was, in my face.

EJG123

Insanity pretty much covers what is like to live with an addict. It is horrible to have someone lie to your face and make you think you're the one who is acting crazy. When my AD had no where to go, it felt bad to give her a list of homeless shelters but she had burned so many bridges that no one trusted her in their home.

washbe2

Why would he intentionally stop up the plumbing? Seems my son is always having plumbing issue.

LoveMeNow

My son is very passive/aggressive. Yet, he enjoys power and control. Lying, stealing, creating chaos, etc are very much about power and control! He likes to treat people like they puppets on a string and he is very good at it.

When his father and I refuse to allow him to control the mood of house (with the help of a psychologist) - he upped the anti with a bomb threat at his school. A bomb threat is about power and control.

Your son refusing his medications appears to be about power and control, IMO. I wasn't surprised he would refuse to take them while n jail. In fact, I posted he probably wont. Please watch for signs to see if you are being his puppet and he is pulling all the strings. It can be hard to see, well it was for me anyway.

What I find scary, is that our kids know us better then ourselves and really can predict what actions we will take.

Scrapbooker

I have experienced that with my AS too, things being moved from where I put them, something turns up missing entirely, etc. Also mentioning something that may upset me when I must seem to be too peaceful. He too, is very passive aggressive. Even more so when he was in active addiction. I was discussing it with a friend one day because I did feel like I was going crazy and blaming him when possibly I shouldn't be and she explained to me that behaviour is part of the disease. This may be completely twisted, but it was one thing that helped me better accept and understand that addiction truly is a disease.

LoveMeNow

My son has been doing these things for years...well before drugs! I can see now he has always had an addictive personality.

I found it frustrating to hear "he is just a boy, oh, he wouldn't do that, he will grow out it, are you sure he did that?" Talk about crazy making!