pacificsunrise

good morning everyone. i posted this in the family and friends forum, but also wanted to get input from "the other side". my AH is a cocaine user and also a dealer (as of 16 months ago, no indication otherwise since). thank you all so much for all and any input.

i want to get a restraining order against my separated, still married, AH for me and the kids, but really don't know much about it. any advice is welcome.

we have been separated for 16 months now. last year my 5 yr old pointed out the neighborhood that we lived in to him (he didn't know where we were living, since we left my parents house). then about 2 months ago i received a card from him at my new address. not sure how he figured out the exact address. got some more mail from him since. then 3 wks ago he saw us passing and decided to follow us to my apt, pulled up behind my parked car and we talked. he got to see the kids and talk to them (first time in 8 months) because i had to get them out of the car and i did not want to cause any drama late at night in my neighborhood (it was close to midnight). since then, he came by twice and left stuff on my door (once we weren't home, the other time we were here, but he didn't knock). then yesterday, he saw us as we were going to a restaurant, blew his horn and i didn't think much of it, but as we went inside, he simply came in, offered to pay for our food, talked to the kids, sat down at our table, and then left.

my anxiety is sky rocketing. i cannot have him doing this. i told him that i'm gonna have to get a restraining order b/c he keeps on popping up on me and his response was that it is a public restaurant.

he is arrogant. he feels as though he has done nothing wrong. he feels that he has every right to see his children as he pleases and to be honest i am afraid. i am afraid of what he might do and what he can do. have no proof or indication that he is not on drugs and still dealing drugs.

has the nerve to constantly tell me that i'm not mentally well and such.

sorry. this is getting to be too long.

i just can't figure out why is it so hard for me to hate him. why do i still feel bad for him. i feel that he is endangering everything that i have created for me and my kids since we left. all the peace and the routines and some sense of normal life that i so hard try to maintain.

thank you so much for responding in advance. hugs and hope to all.

frankinnc

PacificSunrise said,".... he feels that he has every right to see his children..."



I agree. Is the guy doing this (showing up, etc.) just because he wants to see them? Or is he doing it to annoy you? Hate to be the devils advocate here---and I'm sure that there are those who would strongly disagree with what I'm about to say---but, contrary to what some folks may believe, being a dope dealer and occasionally snorting a line or two (if that's all it is) does'nt neccessarily make you a horrible father or evil person. Nahhh, it just means that the guys making some bad life decisions...unless, of course, he's a crack head and/or has a history of being physically/verbally abusive. Not enough information given. But hey, If the guys really a threat to you or your kids then do what you gotta do and let it play out in the courts. Good luck. Peace.

heyitsme

Hey Pacific... I have no direct experience in this. But I did want to say, as a mother, if you feel that yourself and/or your children are in danger, please get a restraining order. You will never regret doing that. But if something happens to your children, you will always regret not doing everything that you could do to protect them.

I am sorry you are going through this, I couldn't imagine. But hold your head up and good luck!!