Terrified but relieved
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Johannesburg
Posts: 2
Terrified but relieved
Hello ... I am so glad I found this site. The last few days have been incredibly painful.
I've had to face up to the fact that I can never drink again. Just writing this is so scary. Admitting it - I can't even express how that makes me feel at this time.
I am so filled with pain and humiliation right now. Thankfully, following my terrible behaviour on Sunday night, I am lucky enough to be surrounded by people who are willing to give me another chance. I am so thankful to them - this could have been the last straw to break the camel's back, but my wonderful partner and friends decided to stick by me, although I caused them immense pain and suffering through my behaviour.
When will the feelings of shame and guilt leave me? How can I make sure that I remember - remember that alcohol causes too much pain and that it could make me lose everything - so that I never drink again?
I realise that I am lucky to have avoided physical injury. But the emotional injury - it just feels so insurmountable right now.
Anyway, I apologise for ranting like this, but I have to be able to get these things of my chest. Might as well start here and now.
All the best,
AG.
I've had to face up to the fact that I can never drink again. Just writing this is so scary. Admitting it - I can't even express how that makes me feel at this time.
I am so filled with pain and humiliation right now. Thankfully, following my terrible behaviour on Sunday night, I am lucky enough to be surrounded by people who are willing to give me another chance. I am so thankful to them - this could have been the last straw to break the camel's back, but my wonderful partner and friends decided to stick by me, although I caused them immense pain and suffering through my behaviour.
When will the feelings of shame and guilt leave me? How can I make sure that I remember - remember that alcohol causes too much pain and that it could make me lose everything - so that I never drink again?
I realise that I am lucky to have avoided physical injury. But the emotional injury - it just feels so insurmountable right now.
Anyway, I apologise for ranting like this, but I have to be able to get these things of my chest. Might as well start here and now.
All the best,
AG.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Gulf Coast
Posts: 28
AG, welcome to SR! Stick around, there are plenty of people here with experience that will help you. I am in no position to give any kind of advise but wanted to take a second and let you know that you are not alone and life truly does get better with sobriety.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
Hi Africagirl 
A lot of us started this journey in pain, racked with shame guilt and regret.
We understand
I find the more I live my live the way I know it should be run, the more distance I put between my new sober life and my old drinking one...
I'm still me...but I'm no longer who I used to be
welcome to SR
D
A lot of us started this journey in pain, racked with shame guilt and regret.
We understand
I find the more I live my live the way I know it should be run, the more distance I put between my new sober life and my old drinking one...
I'm still me...but I'm no longer who I used to be
welcome to SR
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Welcome to SR. Pain and guilt are reasons to quit that's for sure. But please don't let them overwhelm you. Put them aside and concentrate on getting yourself well. Imagine a life when you can wake up in the mornings free of those negative emotions, it really is possible xxx
Stick around and keep posting. We all understand xxx
Stick around and keep posting. We all understand xxx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 78
Welcome! You can make this the launching pad into your new and peaceful life, you can let go of all the drama and trauma that drinking brings now and you needn't revisit it. I've only been here for three months, but a wise lady asked me if I had a plan for quitting and it really helped me to actually focus on things I could actually do to stay strong.
So, do you have a plan? There are lots and lots and lots of tools and support here.
So, do you have a plan? There are lots and lots and lots of tools and support here.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,778
Welcome to our recovery community! :ghug3 You'll find lots of support and useful info here. All the best to you in your sober journey. I've been sober for over two years now and haven't been happier in a long time.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Welcome, AfricaGirl to the SR Team. Johannesburg - cool!
You asked about how to not forget about your promise to yourself to stop this craziness. I looked at my new sobriety this way. I can move things forward by pushing them or by pulling them. What would happen if I could somehow push and pull at the same time?
I used my memories of my drinking, the hangovers, declining physical and mental health, my depression and anxiety, the shame and guilt, to push me forward. I simply could not survive that anymore.
I also used my hope for a better life, the respect of my family, a healthy mind and body, a secure job and future, and just being happy, to pull me away from my addiction. These are things that I could have only if I never drank again.
Pushing and pulling, both of them, did the trick for me. Maybe this idea makes sense to you too.
You must believe that you can do this. That is the first step for any success - believe in you. You can do this - just choose.
You asked about how to not forget about your promise to yourself to stop this craziness. I looked at my new sobriety this way. I can move things forward by pushing them or by pulling them. What would happen if I could somehow push and pull at the same time?
I used my memories of my drinking, the hangovers, declining physical and mental health, my depression and anxiety, the shame and guilt, to push me forward. I simply could not survive that anymore.
I also used my hope for a better life, the respect of my family, a healthy mind and body, a secure job and future, and just being happy, to pull me away from my addiction. These are things that I could have only if I never drank again.
Pushing and pulling, both of them, did the trick for me. Maybe this idea makes sense to you too.
You must believe that you can do this. That is the first step for any success - believe in you. You can do this - just choose.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,503
Welcome!
Ah yes, those awful feelings that we hit head on when we decide to stop drinking for good. I couldn't imagine getting through those first days without being overwhelmed. One thing I suggest is to take it slow. Try to accomplish a few things each day, but don't take on too much. The negative feelings will gradually fade away as you move forward in a positive way. The best thing you can do it to show your friends & family and yourself that you are changing.
Ah yes, those awful feelings that we hit head on when we decide to stop drinking for good. I couldn't imagine getting through those first days without being overwhelmed. One thing I suggest is to take it slow. Try to accomplish a few things each day, but don't take on too much. The negative feelings will gradually fade away as you move forward in a positive way. The best thing you can do it to show your friends & family and yourself that you are changing.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Welcome Africa Girl,
Yes the shame and remorse are awful. But they will pass with time and you will come to accept that when you drink all bets are off and you can't control your drinking or what you do, remember that bit.
Believe me you can have a fantastic life without the booze.
all the best
CaiHong
Yes the shame and remorse are awful. But they will pass with time and you will come to accept that when you drink all bets are off and you can't control your drinking or what you do, remember that bit.
Believe me you can have a fantastic life without the booze.
all the best
CaiHong
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 44
Welcome!!! I had to comment on your post, because it reminds me of how I felt (and I'm sure everyone else on here as well) when I got sober almost 2 years ago. I remember those terrible feelings. I will say that for me, every day sober bring new clarity and I am actually getting to know myself. My TRUE self. I wish you all the best. Big hugs to you. 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Irish
Posts: 552
Welcome.....It wont be easy on your own....you will need
FTF- Face To Face
support, complemented by Internet sites like this Great One.
I tried it on my own several times....but failed .
I eventually went out and drank again.
We are all different....we all do what we think is best.
You need to look at why you needed to drink in the first place.
I attended AA for years,that fellowships Program kept me sober,
until I eventually found ACA...I wish you all the Best .
FTF- Face To Face
support, complemented by Internet sites like this Great One.
I tried it on my own several times....but failed .
I eventually went out and drank again.
We are all different....we all do what we think is best.
You need to look at why you needed to drink in the first place.
I attended AA for years,that fellowships Program kept me sober,
until I eventually found ACA...I wish you all the Best .
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,335
Welcome. I'm at 5 weeks tomorrow. I honestly can't believe how much better / productive, I feel now, vs. drinking wine. That is reason enough to remind be why I'm done with all alcohol. Try not to overwhelm yourself in your early sobriety - look for simple pleasures - and reach out for help when you need it. Keep posting, not drinking
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
