I don't know where to start..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 325
I don't know where to start..
Hi-
Writing here, cause... the meeting I REALLY wanted to go to, tonight.
I didn't go. Worked all day, sick child, felt guilty, racing out.
Over compensating.. guilt.. NOT putting that oxygen mask on myself.. then..
By chance is that a trait of adult children?
A bit of history. I did 10 years in alanon. (xh is an addict-surprise!)
But, to borrow what I read on an earlier thread, I realize, my problems are deeper rooted. I stopped going to alanon, it wasn't that it was bad. Or that I thought I didn't need it. Hard to explain, but I had a hard time detaching from the ex., when I was in it.
Recently- I have missed it. I think it made me, a better person. I liked ME, more when I went, and worked the steps.
But the biggest thing? My family of origin. Childhood family. They are the same. No change, no change. And I do NOT want to change them, anymore!
It is me, I want to change. I believe at acoa.. they can help me.
Learn.. I want a Red book! I want a red book! I want to work a step!
I want to sit with people.. who know.
I want to sit with people, who I can tell, my feelings to, my secrets. I want to listen, and know, it is not just me. Other people, have families like mine.
And I want to GROW-UP! I am a mom.. and I want my kids to know..
It is possible.. Regardless of other people. What they do, who they are.
In alanon, I used to cling to those words, "you too can find happiness, whether the alcoholic is drinking or not."
So... maybe my post, is just putting it in writing. Maybe posting here, is my first step- admitting I need help!
HI ALL!!! Thanks for being here, and I hope to enjoy the journey with you!
SL
Writing here, cause... the meeting I REALLY wanted to go to, tonight.
I didn't go. Worked all day, sick child, felt guilty, racing out.
Over compensating.. guilt.. NOT putting that oxygen mask on myself.. then..
By chance is that a trait of adult children?
A bit of history. I did 10 years in alanon. (xh is an addict-surprise!)
But, to borrow what I read on an earlier thread, I realize, my problems are deeper rooted. I stopped going to alanon, it wasn't that it was bad. Or that I thought I didn't need it. Hard to explain, but I had a hard time detaching from the ex., when I was in it.
Recently- I have missed it. I think it made me, a better person. I liked ME, more when I went, and worked the steps.
But the biggest thing? My family of origin. Childhood family. They are the same. No change, no change. And I do NOT want to change them, anymore!
It is me, I want to change. I believe at acoa.. they can help me.
Learn.. I want a Red book! I want a red book! I want to work a step!
I want to sit with people.. who know.
I want to sit with people, who I can tell, my feelings to, my secrets. I want to listen, and know, it is not just me. Other people, have families like mine.
And I want to GROW-UP! I am a mom.. and I want my kids to know..
It is possible.. Regardless of other people. What they do, who they are.
In alanon, I used to cling to those words, "you too can find happiness, whether the alcoholic is drinking or not."
So... maybe my post, is just putting it in writing. Maybe posting here, is my first step- admitting I need help!
HI ALL!!! Thanks for being here, and I hope to enjoy the journey with you!
SL
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello StilLearning, and pleased to "meet" you 
Yes, it certainly is.
No need to explain yourself Every meeting is different, depending on the people there. People move, the "feel" of a meeting changes, _we_ change and our needs evolve.
That is exactly how I feel when I am active in meetings and recovery.
That is what we do at ACoA. We change into what we _want_ to be, instead of what we were _forced_ to be by the "toxic" environment we were born into.
Congratulations on completing your first step Here is where you can purchase a Red Book:
Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization
Meetings are listed here
World Meeting List
and you can also find meetings at
Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup
I'm glad you decided to join us.
Mike
Moderator, SR
Originally Posted by StillLearning1 
... Over compensating.. guilt.. NOT putting that oxygen mask on myself.. then..
By chance is that a trait of adult children?...
By chance is that a trait of adult children?...
Originally Posted by StillLearning1
... I stopped going to alanon, it wasn't that it was bad. Or that I thought I didn't need it. Hard to explain ...
Every meeting is different, depending on the people there. People move, the "feel" of a meeting changes, _we_ change and our needs evolve.
Originally Posted by StillLearning1
...I think it made me, a better person. I liked ME, more when I went, and worked the steps. ...
Originally Posted by StillLearning1
... It is me, I want to change. I believe at acoa.. they can help me....
Originally Posted by StillLearning1
...So... maybe my post, is just putting it in writing. Maybe posting here, is my first step- admitting I need help! ...
Here is where you can purchase a Red Book:Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization
Meetings are listed here
World Meeting List
and you can also find meetings at
Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup
I'm glad you decided to join us.
Mike
Moderator, SR
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 325
Thanks D.E.,
Missed the meeting, but did find WSO! Did find a lot of good information there.
Especially the history. How some of the steps are a bit different. Especially step one.
I'm excited! Thanks for the welcome!
Missed the meeting, but did find WSO! Did find a lot of good information there.
Especially the history. How some of the steps are a bit different. Especially step one.
I'm excited! Thanks for the welcome!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 456
Originally Posted by StillLearning1
I want to sit with people.. who know.
I want to sit with people, who I can tell, my feelings to, my secrets. I want to listen, and know, it is not just me. Other people, have families like mine.
And I want to GROW-UP! I am a mom.. and I want my kids to know..
It is possible.. Regardless of other people. What they do, who they are.
In alanon, I used to cling to those words, "you too can find happiness, whether the alcoholic is drinking or not."
I want to sit with people, who I can tell, my feelings to, my secrets. I want to listen, and know, it is not just me. Other people, have families like mine.
And I want to GROW-UP! I am a mom.. and I want my kids to know..
It is possible.. Regardless of other people. What they do, who they are.
In alanon, I used to cling to those words, "you too can find happiness, whether the alcoholic is drinking or not."
I would also like to extend a welcome to SoberRecovery. I went to my first ACA meeting about 5 years ago. It is so healing to be able to sit in a room with people who understand. I have attended ACA and Al-Anon (with an Adult Child Focus) meetings. The Big Red Book, Yellow Workbook, therapy, and participating in on-line groups have all helped me move forward in my recovery.
I'm a mom too and part of the reason I starting my ACA recovery work was because I noticed that I was repeating unhealthy things that I remember my mom doing. It sort of scared me. I truly want to be a healthier parent for my children. I so want the cycle of my family's dysfunction to stop with me!
Best wishes on your recovery journey.
Keep coming back!
db
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 168
I just started going to al-anon; they have an ACOA meeting but it's over a half hour's drive away. I've only been to two meetings so far (tonight shall be my third) but they've helped alot. My first time it felt so surreal.. all I could think was, "Really? We have one here? This is real?" - sounds crazy, but I guess I assumed it was just in the States or in major cities because you know, "it's not really a big deal here" as most of us originally believe.
Just because you stopped going doesn't mean you don't have a right to start going again. I think the best part of the group's mentality is that you have the right to venture off on your own when you please; just as you have the right to come back when you need the support. I think it's encouraged you stay as that way you're always in a circle of support from those who know what it's like.
My dad was an every-weekend, every social event, every birthday, every holiday, every any-excuse-in-the-book drinker; and my mom sadly was a co-dependent. Both had alcoholic parents themselves, and my mom sadly was sexually molested when she was a child; so when I was born it was already a rocky start onto an even rockier road. My dad's side was heavily affected by alcoholism, and even in my cousins I'm able to see traits of ACOA's. It's soothing to be able to go to a group who doesn't make you feel like a charity case - even those who have made significent progress, still have struggles, and that I find assures me that I'm not alone.
Just because you stopped going doesn't mean you don't have a right to start going again. I think the best part of the group's mentality is that you have the right to venture off on your own when you please; just as you have the right to come back when you need the support. I think it's encouraged you stay as that way you're always in a circle of support from those who know what it's like.
My dad was an every-weekend, every social event, every birthday, every holiday, every any-excuse-in-the-book drinker; and my mom sadly was a co-dependent. Both had alcoholic parents themselves, and my mom sadly was sexually molested when she was a child; so when I was born it was already a rocky start onto an even rockier road. My dad's side was heavily affected by alcoholism, and even in my cousins I'm able to see traits of ACOA's. It's soothing to be able to go to a group who doesn't make you feel like a charity case - even those who have made significent progress, still have struggles, and that I find assures me that I'm not alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 325
Thanks all!
Guess what tomorrow is? Tuesday!!!
Now.. you all are probably wondering... why wait a week? Why wait till the next Tuesday?
Well... one of the reasons I left alanon. My group was a strong one.. had been in the same place for 30 years. I loved the solidness, the solid people who attended. Very grateful to those with the wisdom and experience.
So... when the exah.. went totally off the deep end, life was in chaos. Our group lost it's lease, and dispersed.
When I searched for an adult child's group... guess what I found? I is BACK!
And on the same darn night! We will see..
May be a fit, may not.
I do know this.. my family, of my childhood, has been, acting up lately. (what is new?) Just the research I've been doing, knowing I have this meeting to go to, has helped me- Have Hope! Reading here. They may not ever change. But I believe, I CAN! With help from others, who have been there.
24 hours folks!! I'll be half way through my first meeting.
Oh man, the meetings I have gone to. This one, is already different.
It is all about ME! Changing JUST me!!!
Guess what tomorrow is? Tuesday!!!
Now.. you all are probably wondering... why wait a week? Why wait till the next Tuesday?
Well... one of the reasons I left alanon. My group was a strong one.. had been in the same place for 30 years. I loved the solidness, the solid people who attended. Very grateful to those with the wisdom and experience.
So... when the exah.. went totally off the deep end, life was in chaos. Our group lost it's lease, and dispersed.
When I searched for an adult child's group... guess what I found? I is BACK!
And on the same darn night! We will see..
May be a fit, may not.
I do know this.. my family, of my childhood, has been, acting up lately. (what is new?) Just the research I've been doing, knowing I have this meeting to go to, has helped me- Have Hope! Reading here. They may not ever change. But I believe, I CAN! With help from others, who have been there.
24 hours folks!! I'll be half way through my first meeting.
Oh man, the meetings I have gone to. This one, is already different.
It is all about ME! Changing JUST me!!!
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