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A duck story, part 2.

Old 07-24-2012, 12:23 PM
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A duck story, part 2.

I found myself emailing on a anon message board a bit bit. It felt cathartic. I get responses that I read - something feeling home, sometimes shame - but way it goes. I looked forward to the day when I would start to communicate and a use part the society.

THEN - I stopped going to work. Neon sign 1" Made sure to email, and most sincerely didn't not want to quit this job - but that's what I did.

The EXTRAORDINARY pain of not drinking a shot of bourbon as casually as if it were a glass of water finally took it's toll, and the teeth sinked in.

When bpa hits the 2's, rational thought goes out the window. Soon later there were loud locks at my door. I opened up to find two of my three bosses, simply asking "ARE YOU OK".

I let them inside. I told them the story. They made a deal with me that If I showed up Monday I would still have a job. They expressed the degree to which they understood alcoholism, it was painfully clear in the eyes.

And I SINCERELY - said yes. I will see you on monday. I meant it. Then they left. And I drank. Then boss #3 emailed with the revelation that he was an 8 you recovering alcoholic. And he gets it, but I have to get my **** together.


NEXT. this was monday. after emails exchanged that I lost the mental capacity to remember over the course of the weekend, 2 police officers were at my door. Now that was a conversation. Ouch.

A surreal, trippy, fear and loathing tasting mind-**** of time later I found meself in the ER.

From point A to point Z - these people did it all. Chemical detox. Kind words. Water. Not making me feel embarassed at needing a wheel chair. And I went for 2 days. And it got better.

Then. Today. My brain having at least normalized for me to be an assertive ******* - I started to hate feeling jailed. Felt almost like the burning skin, LOUD noises, lack of subtle things like allowing another man a small bit of pride when he pees... I simply made eye contact, explained the legal terms of my initial entry, and explained that I should have no legal responsibility to be here above me will.

That was 2 hours ago. The Head physican, both on call nurses/techs, a psychiatrist, pent me through a 3rd degree that I coulnd't fathom.

Because they know I was correct in asking "am I legally allowed to leave of my own recognizance". Of course, being to good men and women that they are, they obfuscated that point and redirected, quick skillfully, the simple question:

"Am I don't what's best for myself".

In any event. I did the politics, I made the hard eye contact, I appropriately looked down in shame, and took a cap to get a bottle of jack.
Maybe when I wake up up I'll correct some types. But for now - I was this to exist for first time relapse.

Then I thought - as good as this is not doing me, maybe it would be good on a site like this, particular one that gets a lot of Google indexing. Easily find-able cautionary tale.

duck
(and yeah - i screwed the pooch on this one, but I'm not ready to die yet)
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Old 07-24-2012, 01:11 PM
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Hey duck.
How are you doing right now?
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Old 07-24-2012, 01:24 PM
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Of course you're not ready to die, duck. That was apparent from your first post. You sound one step closer to recovering. I worry about what's happening to you physically as you contemplate your next move. Please be careful.

As I said in my other response, I've been in the same situation - complete with employers calling to check on me. It seems like an annoyance when we're not ready to answer their questions. Yet it's an amazing blessing to have people care and want to give us a second chance.

Please keep posting duck - we care about you and want to help.
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Old 07-24-2012, 01:32 PM
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Just read your other thread....yah I've had friends send the police to my door for a "welfare check" when nobody could get ahold of me. More than once.

People care, duck.
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Old 07-24-2012, 01:55 PM
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Hey duck ,
Alcohol is poisonous for someone like me. It kills everything good in life, offers us a temporary oblivion, takes even more, then it kills you.

I'd like you to be around to share your knowledge and experience in fighting it ,

Thanks M
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Old 07-24-2012, 01:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Stevie1 View Post
Hey duck.
How are you doing right now?
Holding on. with tenacity. And realizing the the treats I'm holding on to are dangerously close to snapping.

and the - ******* drunk that I am, I think about the wonders of duck tape..
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Old 07-24-2012, 02:30 PM
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15 minute edit rule. Crap. I was on the phone. I would simply like to edit the previous message to have said"

Far to filled with burban, and quite inappropriate to the thread." This prose never existed. kthnkbai.
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Old 07-24-2012, 02:37 PM
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You can turn it all around, duck. No matter how impossible it may seem at the moment.
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