cat5656

My w. Yeah. Has 70 days cleans. Good. Going to meetings and therapist 4 to 5 times a week. Were in our 40's. How about our two children. House work. Oh wait. I am in recovery. So. Just hold on for a while. I'll be back soon , mentally I mean. But. Your a great husban and father. Don't worry. Forget the lying,cheating,stealing. It's all ok now..
As I sit in my truck eating lunch,thinking about alcoholics and addicts and how f@@@en selfish they are. I feel like throwing up. Unbelievable how my life is right now. I cannot think straight. Iam a roofer. Its about 120 degrees today. I don't F_N care today on what THEY ARE GOING THROUGH. How about people like me and us. The non addict. The non alcoholic. People that when life get a little rough don't reach for a pill or a bottle or other things.. yeah. Iam here to pick up all the pieces after the sh@t storm. Yeap. All the damage done. All the lies. But now. No. I was using. That's why. Now I am not. So dont woeey. Just go to work ( jack Ass) " that was added by me" , all is good. I told my W. I am going to get all the non addicts and non alcoholics and we are going to go on a tear. See if you like that.LOL. for all of you with spouses that are addicts or alcoholics. I know just how you F_N feel. It has open my eyes wide. Thanks to for my HP. I asked to see and i saw. I am getting stronger every day. Now. If I can just let go of my anger, that would be great.

FireSprite

Oh man, I hear you! I remember when AH was woo-hooing about his 90 days & I was thinking, yeah, great... how about paying the electric bill or picking up some groceries? THEN I'll be impressed!

And FWIW, I helped run a roofing company for 2 years & ended up in the field a few too many times so I *know* exactly how hot & difficult your summer work days are toting shingles & laying tile. It's exhausting & you likely don't feel like you have a lot left to give at the end of the day. ((HUGS))

MsPINKAcres

((cat))

i am so glad you joined our SR family - but I hate so much you & your family have been affected by this disease ~

I can understand your anger ~ I truly believe it is good to get it out ~ but after all the anger is out ~ then for me I had to figure out what was I going to do next. . .

Posting here, attending Al-Anon meetings, reading recovery literature and direction from my HP helped me figure it out ~

I hope you will stick around so that you can take care of you & how you have been greatly affected by this disease~

PINK HUGS,
Rita

CodieBird

Have you been living w/my XA too?!

Amber23

I hear ya.....after 2 AA meetings (still drinking) he was asking me to see his progress...yeah but I was supposed to forget about his behavior 2 days earlier? and nevermind he is still draining the bank account until his insurance kicks in and he can get meds for withdrawals....

Yeah i am keeping the lights on and food in the fridge working my "dumb" little job.

And I look like I have aged 5 years in the last year. lol. but we can't buy eye cream instead of beer! HA!

i hear ya...feels good to vent eh?

Adventure

Oh yeah, I hear ya. We put up with months & years of crap, keep life going in the household, make sure bills are paid, cleaning is done, food is on the table, keep working our jobs, etc. etc.... And they are sober for 3 minutes and want a medal, or in fact more likely a monument in their honour!

My AH has never done anything more than go to a couple of AA meetings which was a joke in itself as it was done entirely to keep me quiet for a week or two. Ridiculously enough I fell for it hook, line and sinker on several occassions.

As for letting go of the anger, I work on it, but it is going to take a very, very long time for me to be properly rid of it. Something that builds up over years and years is going to take time - a bit like all that weight I put on too LOL!

Thanks for posting & venting Cat - you'll get there, just keep going!!

Adventure

Seren

Sorry for what brings you here, cat, but glad you found us! We get the anger, and it's OK.

Active alcoholism is a very selfish time for the alcoholic.
Early recovery is a very selfish time for the alcoholic.

It does feel like they are still abandoning us, going to counseling appointments, going to meetings, having coffee with their sponsor and others after meetings, and so on. Not much time for home and family.

The only thing I can really tell you is, there is a reason for this. The alcoholic is in a fight for his/her very life. And it is their fight and theirs alone. We can't do anything to help, but we can get the support we need for ourselves.

SR is a great start! Keep reaching out here, and so many of us have found great support in the face-to-face meetings of Al-Anon.

Make yourself at home here!!

neferkamichael

Cat it might not be possible to let go of anger, but you can let go of the resentments caused by the anger.

Helenlee

My w. Yeah. Has 70 days cleans. Good. Going to meetings and therapist 4 to 5 times a week. Were in our 40's. How about our two children. House work. Oh wait. I am in recovery. So. Just hold on for a while. I'll be back soon , mentally I mean. But. Your a great husban and father. Don't worry. Forget the lying,cheating,stealing. It's all ok now..
As I sit in my truck eating lunch,thinking about alcoholics and addicts and how f@@@en selfish they are. I feel like throwing up. Unbelievable how my life is right now. I cannot think straight. Iam a roofer. Its about 120 degrees today. I don't F_N care today on what THEY ARE GOING THROUGH. How about people like me and us. The non addict. The non alcoholic. People that when life get a little rough don't reach for a pill or a bottle or other things.. yeah. Iam here to pick up all the pieces after the sh@t storm. Yeap. All the damage done. All the lies. But now. No. I was using. That's why. Now I am not. So dont woeey. Just go to work ( jack Ass) " that was added by me" , all is good. I told my W. I am going to get all the non addicts and non alcoholics and we are going to go on a tear. See if you like that.LOL. for all of you with spouses that are addicts or alcoholics. I know just how you F_N feel. It has open my eyes wide. Thanks to for my HP. I asked to see and i saw. I am getting stronger every day. Now. If I can just let go of my anger, that would be great.

This is one of my favourite SR posts of all time. It perfectly expresses the raw emotion of "every man" on the roller coaster of drinking & recovery. Thank you so much for posting this cat.

OhBoy

Yup. You summed up the anger perfectly! Those exact thoughts have been through my mind many times except she hasn't been through any kind of recovery. She is "successfully" moderating. Doesn't seem right that we should have to let go of that anger, we earned it! But the f'n crap eats us up inside. Ain't fair. So I try to let it go even though it is one of my prize possessions.

rerefnstn

Is there ever a time when its not selfish for the alcoholic? (She says sarcastically with a smile). But seriously herein lies the quandary. When he was drinking, the choice to leave was easy. But now in his 5th attempt at rehab, I am somehow not supportive of his recovery because I just don't want the angst anymore. I admit I am angry and no have not been to Alanon. I am angry I have to do that too. If I get rid of the alcoholic in my life then why would I need Alanon. (Don't answer that, really I'm just mad that it's one more thing I now have to do to clean up the emotional damage his drinking has left behind). I work full time plus and get super stressed out by things in general sometimes and when he calls for the fifth time and I finally pick up because I can he says "it will be ok" and my favorite is "Just take one thing at a time". I want to jump through the phone and rip his head off. He has not a thing in the world to worry about other than putting a drink to his lips. Not a job to go, not a kid to feed, not a bill collector to avoid, nothing. What happens when he returns to the land of living and gets stressed again?

At the moment he is in sober living which is where he should have been years before my heart became attached. I am struggling to commit to a relationship with a man who has not only created so much destruction in his past, but has so much to plow through in his future. Legally, parenting (not mine, his poor ex-wife who told me to run years ago), physically, emotionally and forget about financially. Is this what I want for my future. No way. So why am I so torn or concerned that I am abandoning him now. Is it that I don't want to "wait around" and see if he relapses again after a year? It happened before. I am searching hopelessly to find the words to say to him that I love him, but this relationship has just cost me too much and I just can't do it. I feel like all I want is for him to say "I understand and I don't blame you". But it never happens that way. I tried before. Strip away everything we really like each other. We were friends before all this mess started and I just don't believe you can un-ring that bell.

Anyway, that's me in a nut shell. And my first post after lurking for years to find others like me and realizing heartbreakingly how many there are and how long some people allow themselves to stay on a journey they ultimately seek freedom from only to be imprisoned by the ghost of what once was. Still seeking peace. The longest journey begins with a single step.

rdlesstraveled

I needed to read this today because I feel exactly as you feel. We the non-addicts are sitting here waiting for them to get themselves together. It f'in sucks. I know that I could easily walk away..... so I am also angry at myself for staying. All this therapy, all this patience, all these books. All I want to do is scream and yell. I can't take it anymore!!!! So, I am going to an ACOA/Al ANon meeting tonight. Thanks for reading

ShootingStar1

"imprisoned by the ghost of what once was"

Rerefnstn, that is a profound insight.

I think many of us feel this way. Our best friend, our lover, our partner, now gone. We still see glimpses of who they were, of who we were together, and it is a loss almost as painful as a death.

At some point, hope for the future starts to turn into a wistful look at the past. Almost an unbearable nostalgia for the truth of what was instead of the truth of what is.

Cat5656, you're right on. You are carrying a huge burden for someone who can't even see it, and that must make it feel even heavier. My heart is with you, and I hope that burden gets lighter.

BothSidesNow

cat5656

Hi. It's me again. It's amazing to me when they have a good day. They think all is great with "us". Don't get me wrong. Glad you are working your recovery. But. Thanks for the auto insurance cancellation letter that I just got. Because all the accident you had. I just though she was a bad driver.lol.oh ,its o.k its under my name. Iam telling you, some days I want to rip a city bus in half. Fu@k it. Picking up more pieces. I am going to my meeting sat night. Hopefully I will let go again. It's so F_N hard some days. I feel like I am getting hit in the face at every step. Some one told me, they " the addicts and alcoholics" tell you want you want to here. Most if them have the gift of gab. I call it the gift of bull shitting your way out of it. Yeah, my wife can talk a tick off a dog. Not anymore with me. I have a program also. I not going to be manipulated anymore honey. Stronger by the day. Just for today I will be good to myself. I don't care if the house is a wreck, laundry is not done, dishes are not washed. I have been doing all of this for a very long time. Hope you stay clean. I know I cannot make you stay clean. But I can take care of myself. Don't go tip towing through the tulips just yet..