Cravings that come out of nowhere
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 1,066
Cravings that come out of nowhere
I'm not working today, so I allowed myself to sleep in until about 8 am. While I was lying in bed, I thought of an unstructured day ahead and out of nowhere thought about how a drink would taste good instead of my morning coffee. And that, of course, would be followed by a day of drunkeness.
WTF? I have six weeks sober!
Was bad enough I shambled out of bed and checked the freezer to see if I'd stuck something in there to chill many weeks ago and forgot it. Luckily, nothing there! I am honestly not sure if I'd have succumbed or not. I still have very weak moments....had I found a chilly bottle of vodka stashed behind the frozen veggies, who knows.
So I am feeling tired and inert despite three cups of coffee and can't quite shake that stupid AV whispering to me about drinking today, all day, nobody will know, you deserve it, just for one day, blah blah blah. Can't take dogs for a lakeside walk because a neighbor has borrowed my van for the morning.
Urge surfing, these are just feelings and I don't have to act on them and they will go away. I know this.
I'm going to shut the computer off, turn up some loud music and clean house. I've been sitting here like a lump for two hours.
Stupid, STUPID, STUPID Addict Brain.
WTF? I have six weeks sober!
Was bad enough I shambled out of bed and checked the freezer to see if I'd stuck something in there to chill many weeks ago and forgot it. Luckily, nothing there! I am honestly not sure if I'd have succumbed or not. I still have very weak moments....had I found a chilly bottle of vodka stashed behind the frozen veggies, who knows.
So I am feeling tired and inert despite three cups of coffee and can't quite shake that stupid AV whispering to me about drinking today, all day, nobody will know, you deserve it, just for one day, blah blah blah. Can't take dogs for a lakeside walk because a neighbor has borrowed my van for the morning.
Urge surfing, these are just feelings and I don't have to act on them and they will go away. I know this.
I'm going to shut the computer off, turn up some loud music and clean house. I've been sitting here like a lump for two hours.
Stupid, STUPID, STUPID Addict Brain.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
In early recovery I learned about willingness
and openmindedness to learn the knowledge
of my alcoholism and tools to use in a recovery
program to help me stay sober a day at a time.
Tools such as steps and principles set down for
me to incorperate in our everyday lives as well
as useful saying to help me along on my journey
to stay sober.
One saying in particular is H.A.L.T. which stands
for Hunger, Anger, Loneiness and Tired. All of these
can set off triggers and cause me to obsess over
wanting to drink. When I take care of these issues
then i become peaceful, less stressful and content
to move along steadily in my recovery program.
Halt means to stop and take care of your hunger,
anger, loneliness and tiredness. So far in the last
21 yrs. of my sobriety it has worked for me and
will continue to for each day im sober.
It can work for you too.
and openmindedness to learn the knowledge
of my alcoholism and tools to use in a recovery
program to help me stay sober a day at a time.
Tools such as steps and principles set down for
me to incorperate in our everyday lives as well
as useful saying to help me along on my journey
to stay sober.
One saying in particular is H.A.L.T. which stands
for Hunger, Anger, Loneiness and Tired. All of these
can set off triggers and cause me to obsess over
wanting to drink. When I take care of these issues
then i become peaceful, less stressful and content
to move along steadily in my recovery program.
Halt means to stop and take care of your hunger,
anger, loneliness and tiredness. So far in the last
21 yrs. of my sobriety it has worked for me and
will continue to for each day im sober.
It can work for you too.
I looked like that holdin beer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 627
I am on 6 weeks too, Stevie. I know the urge to drink gets pretty strong sometimes. I have been talking myself out of it and reminding myself why I quit and reading my list of reasons. I also bring up some unpleasant incident from drinking in my head, so far that has helped me to just make the decision, firmly, not to drink and follow through. I sometimes have to make that decision many times in a day, and sometimes only one or two times. Also, my house is probably the cleanest its ever been LOL
I think I drank for so long under so many circumstances that it will take me a while to get out of the habit of instantly thinking about drinking so often.
Stupid addictive voice!
I think I drank for so long under so many circumstances that it will take me a while to get out of the habit of instantly thinking about drinking so often.
Stupid addictive voice!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 1,066
Well OK, I'm back online but in the last couple of hours I've run to the grocery store, vacuumed the mudroom floor and put a first coat of paint on it (waiting for it to dry now), given the Rottweiler his noon meds, moved a couple of plants in the flowerbeds out front and mulched one, made several phone calls and washed all the dog bowls.
Phew.
to all of us hanging in there!
Phew.
to all of us hanging in there!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 24
Stevie -- Great job! It is empowering to hear about people who are craving alcohol at the very core of their being but who do not drink. The great thing about being here is that we all know exactly -- EXACTLY -- what those drinking thoughts are like. We can appreciate what you are achieving by not drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 1,066
Thanks Amigo and good on ya as well!
aasharon's post about HALT is really on point. Being hungry, angry, lonely or tired are definitely triggers and if I anticipate any of them I try to come up with a strategy to work around those feelings.
aasharon's post about HALT is really on point. Being hungry, angry, lonely or tired are definitely triggers and if I anticipate any of them I try to come up with a strategy to work around those feelings.
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Hey glad your back and stayed busy, HALT is for sure something I stay away from. That was one of the first things I learned from my sponsor.
For me I always struggled the most at 2 months, I dont know why but i think usually that I kept getting to well to fast. Meaning I just felt to good, and refused to use the tools I had and had be suggested. So I would say why not i can handle it blah blah blah, only to be detoxing after a week, like I had been drinking for years again.
Today I use those tools. Meetings when I feel urges if I can I go , then I totally let it pass, or phone, walks, the park, gym, garden, anything to just get me out of my own head.
The people around my sobriety pretty much all had said for some reason 30 days, 60,90 days -- 6 months and a year are the hardest times for us.
You did well, stay on the beam
For me I always struggled the most at 2 months, I dont know why but i think usually that I kept getting to well to fast. Meaning I just felt to good, and refused to use the tools I had and had be suggested. So I would say why not i can handle it blah blah blah, only to be detoxing after a week, like I had been drinking for years again.
Today I use those tools. Meetings when I feel urges if I can I go , then I totally let it pass, or phone, walks, the park, gym, garden, anything to just get me out of my own head.
The people around my sobriety pretty much all had said for some reason 30 days, 60,90 days -- 6 months and a year are the hardest times for us.
You did well, stay on the beam
Nothing Left to do but Smile.
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 808
Steve,
I think most of us have the occasional AV creep back in. Sometimes it is because you are out of a normal routine. Sometimes because you have romanticized a recollection of drinking from your past...... Almost anything can trigger it. Once the AV got a response, it made a push. For me, I push back by telling the AV that it isn't going to happen.
I have to laugh at Metal Chicks avatar. When describing alcohol addiction to someone, the desire for the ring is about as close as I can come. Interestingly enough, my AV hits me sometimes when I look at alcohol. You aren't alone or different by having a strong desire to drink after all this time. Snuff it out and be done with the though. It is the only way I have found to be effective against it so far. Don't you exercise? Maybe a good workout would silence it.
I think most of us have the occasional AV creep back in. Sometimes it is because you are out of a normal routine. Sometimes because you have romanticized a recollection of drinking from your past...... Almost anything can trigger it. Once the AV got a response, it made a push. For me, I push back by telling the AV that it isn't going to happen.
I have to laugh at Metal Chicks avatar. When describing alcohol addiction to someone, the desire for the ring is about as close as I can come. Interestingly enough, my AV hits me sometimes when I look at alcohol. You aren't alone or different by having a strong desire to drink after all this time. Snuff it out and be done with the though. It is the only way I have found to be effective against it so far. Don't you exercise? Maybe a good workout would silence it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 1,066
Thanks you guys!
Inda...that thing about milestones rings true. So easy to let one's guard down and use "feeling good and in control" as a BS excuse to drink. Gah.
duane, I've thought about joining a gym again. I do very physical work (painting contractor) and am generally pretty active but I think that the discipline of regular workouts and trying to rediscover a six-pack under my middle-aged girly flab would be a great motivator.
Inda...that thing about milestones rings true. So easy to let one's guard down and use "feeling good and in control" as a BS excuse to drink. Gah.
duane, I've thought about joining a gym again. I do very physical work (painting contractor) and am generally pretty active but I think that the discipline of regular workouts and trying to rediscover a six-pack under my middle-aged girly flab would be a great motivator.
Still I rise.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oh Canada!
Posts: 1,121
Weird. I've had a huge urge today as well. I also got a huge wave of anger over something family-related. Really just want to sit at a patio and drink glass after glass of wine. Gah, indeed. 
Still I rise.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oh Canada!
Posts: 1,121
Originally Posted by Stevie1 
Well OK, I'm back online but in the last couple of hours I've run to the grocery store, vacuumed the mudroom floor and put a first coat of paint on it (waiting for it to dry now), given the Rottweiler his noon meds, moved a couple of plants in the flowerbeds out front and mulched one, made several phone calls and washed all the dog bowls.
Phew.
to all of us hanging in there!
Phew.
to all of us hanging in there! Quitter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Philly Burbs
Posts: 102
Nice job Stevie! Yeah the cravings do come out of nowhere sometimes. That "just one day" is the most tempting...because just one day would be okay, if it were just one day...but it rarely ever is for most of us I guess.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 1,066
Originally Posted by JustARide
Nice job Stevie! Yeah the cravings do come out of nowhere sometimes. That "just one day" is the most tempting...because just one day would be okay, if it were just one day...but it rarely ever is for most of us I guess.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 328
I know where you're coming from Stevie.
I've occasionally had too many at parties or because of emotional stress, but ~80% of my heavy drinking sesssions occured after waking up, realizing I had nothing to do to kill the rest of the day and thinking to myself "All right, I'll just get wasted..."
When I get cravings, they tend to be in the morning too. Good for you for keeping busy.
I've occasionally had too many at parties or because of emotional stress, but ~80% of my heavy drinking sesssions occured after waking up, realizing I had nothing to do to kill the rest of the day and thinking to myself "All right, I'll just get wasted..."
When I get cravings, they tend to be in the morning too. Good for you for keeping busy.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
hey Stevie. i woke up this morning from a bad drinking dream. they're all awful but it always feels like the last one i had was worse than all the rest. every time i wake up from one i am so depressed. first, because i honestly think that i relapsed and i'm so guilty, angry and confused. it's just not fair. then i'm depressed because i have to go through all of the emotions of a GD relapse and none of the "fun" of a relapse. you know, the actual drinking? i am grateful that i didn't relapse in body. not even in my mind. at least, not in a way that i could have possibly prevented. it's such a horrible wash of emotions that comes over me and it shakes my sobriety to the core for a short amount of time every time it happens. it's not effing fair. i'm playing by all the rules and doing so well and my scumbag brain goes and screws it up while i'm asleep. obviously (since it's 11PM and this happened earlier than 5AM this morning) it's not something that i can easily let go. i can honestly say that if there was vodka in the house i would probably have drunk it at that point because i was going through all the feelings of a relapse. all i know to do is to recognize that, like it or not, this is a part of my life. i cannot control everything that goes on in my head. i will have another drinking dream and i will wake up feeling those feelings again. there won't be vodka in the house, i'll probably be a little on the cranky side for a bit but i'm still sober. you're still sober. we've still got this because we're still in ultimate control of our decisions. we wear the physical pants if not always the mental ones, lol. today, we are sober. we've got this.
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