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to continue to be codependent. I have to remember all the misery, turmoil and bad things XABF has done to me over the five LONG years we have been together. He was terminated from the job we share, and we really need the employee position filled. I can sense that my boss is going back/forth about giving him another chance, and I know if I got a message to him that if he could humble himself enough to BEG for his job back, that it might help him.

It would help me in some ways to have him have a job. He could pay child support for one thing and I know where he works. On the other hand, he could continue to make my life hell through other means. My calling the cops and getting a restraining order on him haven't stopped him from texting me a couple of times. I don't want to see the guy in the dirt, but I am tired of helping him. I have helped and helped and helped and been punished for it.

And yet, I still want to help him, to show him the light, the way. Damn it, this is sooooo hard. Please SR friends, I need some tough love right now.

Alucard

This is too easy. Replace him with another man.

ZiggyB

Just let him go.... please. you don't need to help him, he needs to help himself.

LaTeeDa

For many years, I did things for my AH that he could have, and should have, done for himself. He grew to depend on me to do things for him. The more I treated him as an incompetent child, the more he became one. All the time I thought I was helping him, I was really making it worse.

L

lillamy

DUDE! You need to call the cops and show them the texts. Seriously. I mean it. Because if you don't stop it now, he'll continue. He'll show up at your office. He'll wait for you in the parking lot.

Restraining order means he's not allowed to contact you. DO NOT let him get away with even a text saying "I'm sorry."

Trust me on this. Been there, done that, wish I had put him in the slammer because it would have saved me a ton of pain.

Learn2Live

Please do not contact a person you have a restraining order against. Please leave him be. What you have done is the most loving thing you could have done for him, honestly. Let him fall.

FifiRhubarb

I know how hard it is not to help someone when the solution is right there and you're codependent (been there about 148048092 times with my ABF). But all the pain he has caused you and continues to cause you, plus mixing that with work? NO WAY. Stay strong! You are probably saving everyone involved a lot of trouble (emotional, legal, financial) by keeping mum about this.

Seren

Allowing him to figure this out on his own is a great and magnificant gift. You are protecting yourself while allowing him the dignity to make his own decisions, take his own actions, and deal with the consequences.

Plus, if you contact him with a restraining order in place, it completely negates the order.