Dominica2

I was just wondering how some of you get your mind off of the stupid things you did while drinking? I am finding it very difficult to supress memories to the point I am sick to my stomach. I cannot help but dwell on them. It is driving me absolutely insane. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

Dom.

TorontoGuy28

I take comfort in the fact that I am a different/sober person now.

Making amends where possible/required (Step 8 and Step 9 helps).

Back then, alcohol had control over me, I wasn't my true self.

Humiliated

I decided today that the only way for me to move forward is to accept that I was another person when I drank and now I can be the person I want to be and if I don't drink again, I never have to have any new regrets

tomsteve

one of the blessings i experienced on the day after my last drunk were terror and bewilderment. i was finally seeing everything in my past and not stuffing it. there were a lot of very disturbing, disgusting things i had done that i tried to stuff with alcohol, but it didnt do too good.
what i did was get it all on paper and see what the exact cause was for it every event. its how i learned who i am and what makes me tick.
one thing i also learned is i didnt have stupid actions. they were sick actions. i was a very sick man then. i have put in a lot of footwork to change who i am and now when those past actions come up, in my head or from others, i can say,"yup, i was a sick man back then. glad i aint that way any more!"

Dominica2

Thanks for all of the replies. I am just struggling with some things that I did to myself and to other people. A good bit of people dont understand and like to say that you can't blame alcohol. I guess the question is what/who do I blame? Alcohol, myself or both?

Anna

Dom, I don't blame alcohol for my behaviour, and I did/do blame myself. I made choices that were bad for me and my life went off-track. I have worked really hard to get back on-track and to stay that way. And, that's really all we can do.

I struggled a lot with the memories and guilt. I ended up journalling for many months. Every time I remembered something awful, I wrote it down (which was hard to do). But, it lightened the burden.

Weasel1966

I can tell you when I drink I drink so much I blackout. I have no memory of my actions or where I was or who with. So the terror for me was the not knowing. Since I could not remember I started to make things up out of fear. But when I asked friends and family I seldomn did anything really terrible. Thank god.

I still get panic attacks at thinking about those times. I look back at my checking account and see all the withdrawals I made to get drugs. It kills me to see that. Never mind doing the addition.

Sorry I cannot offer any solid advice here. But your post sounds like it could have been mine.

AWOL

Dom
You've had the courage and the strength to get up and turn it around. I agree with you and Humiliated: it's a new day, a new life and a new you. Time spent regretting the past is wasted. I do believe we have the opportunity to evolve towards better, saner and kinder human beings, but that to do so, we need to leave the past behind us and chart a new course on this great big blue ocean of life.

Stevie1

Dom, you can't undo the past, and worrying yourself sick over it, or trying to figure out where to affix "blame" is probably an exercise in futility. Is for me, anyhow, even though I've gotten trapped in the remorse merry-go-round too.

If you do AA, steps 4-9 are designed to help free yourself of shame and resentment.
The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous

If you're not in a 12-step program, then journaling is good, and if you can, apologising to people you've hurt or embarrassed would help. But remember that no matter how much harm you think you've done to others, most of the harm done was to YOURSELF. So, be gentle with yourself first.

2granddaughters

Dom, sharing my past with my sponsor and at the table put those feelings and memories in proper perspective after a while.

For me, it happened/happens at the meetings.

All the best.

Bob R

aasharon90

What I've learned while on this recovery
journey is the gift of forgiveness. Forgiving
myself for all those Ive offended and for all
the not so nice things I did while under the
enfluence of alcohol.

In time I was able to close the door on the
past and begin to make new memories to
cherish each day that I am sober.

What I also like about living a sober, honest
life today is because I don't have to make the
same mistake I use to make when I was drinking.

There are so many wonderful gifts and promises
that await you as you continue on your road of recovery.

Be kind and gentle with yourself because you are
worth it.

NewBeginning010

Don't blame yourself Dom, forgive yourself

Forgiveness is key at this point, you made some bad mistakes while under the influence of alcohol... most if not everyone has done stupid things as well as things they would have never done sober while heavily intoxicated.

The best way to move on is to forgive yourself & live in a way that you can be proud of from this moment forward. We only really live in one moment Dom & that moment is Now.

This just came to me & I don't know if it is someones quote or my own but I will stamp it as mine for now haha.
---------------------

Self Forgiveness

To forgive others is beneficial.
But forgiving ourselves is essential.

NB July 2012

---------------------

Take Care ~ NB

IndaMiricale

That is so true for me also,. Now I can look back and just know that is not who and what I would do today. Progress rather than Perfection

Dee74

I was obsessed too Dom - but one day I realised, no matter how much I wanted to, I can't change a second of the past. Yesterday is gone.

What I can change tho is the way I live my life from now on....

all the things I've done over the last 5 years have helped me move on, feel better about myself, and helped me forgive myself & make amends for for the things I did when I was insane.

I'm not who I used to be

Look forward Dom - you're going in the right direction

D

freshstart57

I was told about forgiveness, about forgiving those whom I resented, about forgiving myself too for my past actions. But that didn't go well with me. What did make sense to me was not forgiveness, but acceptance. I accept that I did those things, and they cannot be undone. I can accept that they happened, and then move forward.

I can live in the present moment, in the now, and experience that moment through acceptance, and acceptance without judgement. This frees me to be who I want to be in the now. I will never do those things again.

tomsteve

welp, i dont think blaming anyone or anything is a good thing. it didnt work good when i was drinking,so it wasnt gonna help me in recovery. taking accountability for my past and responsibility for my present and future has worked pretty good. but i could only do that by getting it down and seeing the exact nature of my actions.
then, as stated, i had to forgive others as they were/are sick people, too, and forgive myself as i was extremely sick.

Rachel111

Hi, I just activated my account on here because I think a lot of you would be good help for me. I went out drinking last night and I ended up kissing my friends ex boyfriend. I also have a boyfriend who I had to tell about this and he obviously isn't happy. Whenever I drink alcohol I always do bad things, and I would like advice on how to stop myself from changing into a complete different person when I drink? What are some tips on how to stay in a nice and normal mind set when drunk, rather than wanting to kiss everyone!
Please help me
Rachel

PhoenixJ

I cannot unthank or unfeel something. I accept I need to ride the emotional pain and then work out how to cope a little better the next time. For me that is journal, doco's and art..

Dee74

Hi and welcome Rachel - this is a pretty old thread and I'm not sure Dominica checks in anymore but you never know.

I'm afraid I was never able to find how to stop myself from turning into a jerk when I drank - I tried for a long time too - 20 years...

In the end I had to accept thats what alcohol did to me. Instant tool - just add alcohol.

I also had to accept that the trouble started with the first glass and not the last.

Once I had that first glass I had no control over where I might end up or what I might do.

The only way I stopped it was by stopping drinking - completely, no more alcohol, ever..

Is that something you'd consider?

D