How my addiction see's a drink
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 135
How my addiction see's a drink
I don't know when it happened but alcohol totally changed the way I saw drinks. And this is how I know that I can never safely start drinking again.
I would think that a normal person looks at beer, wine and liquor as drinks. As a treat, or just a drink.... or I don't know what anymore? I don't think like them so I'm not really sure.
But to me I saw the "drunk." When I bought booze it was based on how much would it take me to get drunk. I was pretty good at looking at what I needed for the day. My plan was usually two tall beers to start the day. Then a few doubles of scotch and then wine to finish the rest of the night and the rest of the scotch. It wasn't booze I measured what I bought alcohol it was the affect it would have one me. What I needed it to do to me.
Only an alcoholic would do that, think like that. How can someone just have one drink? If I had one drink with a friend at a bar our at their house I would sometimes pass because I had to drive and I could not get drunk. So what was the point? Why tease myself. It's gives me the alcoholics version of blue balls.
Just beer was not enough. I needed liquor and wine. Beer was too soft. It did not get me to where I needed to be.
So at some point drinks stopped being just a drink and it became all about the drug. I wanted it, really really bad.
And I still see it that way. a year and a half later I still think of it like that. I never struggle with the idea I could just be normal again and just have one drink. I still don't see the point of that. If I drank again it would take me VERY FAST to drinking as much as I did before.
So I don't. I will not play with fire.
I would think that a normal person looks at beer, wine and liquor as drinks. As a treat, or just a drink.... or I don't know what anymore? I don't think like them so I'm not really sure.
But to me I saw the "drunk." When I bought booze it was based on how much would it take me to get drunk. I was pretty good at looking at what I needed for the day. My plan was usually two tall beers to start the day. Then a few doubles of scotch and then wine to finish the rest of the night and the rest of the scotch. It wasn't booze I measured what I bought alcohol it was the affect it would have one me. What I needed it to do to me.
Only an alcoholic would do that, think like that. How can someone just have one drink? If I had one drink with a friend at a bar our at their house I would sometimes pass because I had to drive and I could not get drunk. So what was the point? Why tease myself. It's gives me the alcoholics version of blue balls.
Just beer was not enough. I needed liquor and wine. Beer was too soft. It did not get me to where I needed to be.
So at some point drinks stopped being just a drink and it became all about the drug. I wanted it, really really bad.
And I still see it that way. a year and a half later I still think of it like that. I never struggle with the idea I could just be normal again and just have one drink. I still don't see the point of that. If I drank again it would take me VERY FAST to drinking as much as I did before.
So I don't. I will not play with fire.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,359
Very true Tendencies. I was always planning my drinking, making sure I had enough, checking the wine for its alcohol percentage, making sure it was enough to get me DRUNK.
I was pretending I was some kind of wine connoisseur who was turning the bottles round to read the description. I even said to the local shopkeeper - friends round tonight, we're having fish so need to make sure it's a nice one. Ha!!! Is it 13%? I don't care what the guff says, I'll take it! (and drink it with a packet of crisps or if I can be bothered a microwave lasagne. On my own)
I wasn't fooling anybody...
I was pretending I was some kind of wine connoisseur who was turning the bottles round to read the description. I even said to the local shopkeeper - friends round tonight, we're having fish so need to make sure it's a nice one. Ha!!! Is it 13%? I don't care what the guff says, I'll take it! (and drink it with a packet of crisps or if I can be bothered a microwave lasagne. On my own)
I wasn't fooling anybody...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Rugby, England
Posts: 20
Great post and definitely a technique I will use throughout my recovery. That's exactly how I used to drink. First trying to figure out how much I needed to get drunk but also factoring in the amount of time I had to do it in! Sad isn't it? Especially when you consider how much time and energy it deflects from the aspects of your life that really do deserve your attention. For me that's Mrs Julynine and the Julynine juniors!
Well that's 2 jigsaws completed, swimming next followed by lunch at the local pizzeria and then maybe a nice family film on the couch.
A long way to go to put right what was wrong but I'm getting there....... One day at a time!
Enjoy your sober Sunday and let's all be greatful we have the courage to change!
Julynine
Well that's 2 jigsaws completed, swimming next followed by lunch at the local pizzeria and then maybe a nice family film on the couch.
A long way to go to put right what was wrong but I'm getting there....... One day at a time!
Enjoy your sober Sunday and let's all be greatful we have the courage to change!
Julynine
I was always having dinner parties, too!
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Gulf Coast
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by Tendencies 
If I had one drink with a friend at a bar our at their house I would sometimes pass because I had to drive and I could not get drunk. So what was the point?
I quit going to any bars, parties, BBQ's, etc... Unless I had someone to drive me home or the location was close enough for a reasonable taxi ride.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
I always enjoyed getting drunk, being drunk no, it's a bit like a helter skelter . Once your on it you can't get off, a whirling blur and i always end up flat on my back at the end of it feeling a bit sick wondering what just happend . My poor old body can't take the whims of my addled brain anymore .
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 133
I never though of it that way...but it's so true!
It's not.. shall I buy a bottle of wine for me to share with a friend, its.. how much of my drug do I need to get me of my face tonight? And if I tried to be 'a good girl' I would end up drink driving or ordering take-out with alcohol to get more of my fix.
Sigh...
It's not.. shall I buy a bottle of wine for me to share with a friend, its.. how much of my drug do I need to get me of my face tonight? And if I tried to be 'a good girl' I would end up drink driving or ordering take-out with alcohol to get more of my fix.
Sigh...
Still I rise.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oh Canada!
Posts: 1,121
Originally Posted by Tendencies
Only an alcoholic would do that, think like that. How can someone just have one drink? If I had one drink with a friend at a bar our at their house I would sometimes pass because I had to drive and I could not get drunk. So what was the point? Why tease myself. It's gives me the alcoholics version of blue balls.
I never understood the one drink thing, either--ever!
This is so true and your perfect ending analogy in this paragraph is friggin' hilarious!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
Originally Posted by Dee74
I was the same way...I hear some people drink to take the edge off....I took off a good deal more than just the edge...
oblivion was what I was looking for.
D
oblivion was what I was looking for.
D
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Maryland
Posts: 120
i completely identify with this, haha..
i remember being at my brothers house with some friends to watch a game and i was so irritated that he hadn't bought more beer- there was a 12 pack for 3 of us. he was so relaxed about it, and said 'not sure how many we have left, help yourself', and i'm thinking 'i know exactly how many you have left, i counted, we are going to run out, who's going to the store??!!?'
i couldn't relax until i knew we were getting more..never even occurred to me we could finish what we had and stop....
hooo boy. good for me to remember times like that- thanks for the post
hil
i remember being at my brothers house with some friends to watch a game and i was so irritated that he hadn't bought more beer- there was a 12 pack for 3 of us. he was so relaxed about it, and said 'not sure how many we have left, help yourself', and i'm thinking 'i know exactly how many you have left, i counted, we are going to run out, who's going to the store??!!?'
i couldn't relax until i knew we were getting more..never even occurred to me we could finish what we had and stop....
hooo boy. good for me to remember times like that- thanks for the post
hil
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
I can't even tell you how much I don't miss that. I had the same thing with cigs--bumming out that I only had 18 (out of twenty) left. How about buying brands that you knew your company would not like so you would have more. Or going on a beer run when half the party is walking circles or throwing up on the lawn. We need more! Then knowing, even through the haze, that more alcohol will "upgrade" the hangover from bad to worse...and putting the hammer down anyways!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: wales, uk
Posts: 43
Oh my God! I think you read my mind ha ha! I was always the same, even when I first strated drinking! It was always about having the hardest liquor so I could be as drunk as possible. I did and still do think what is the point in drinking if its not to get drunk? The drinks do not taste nice, why else drink it?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 438
Wow. Was on vacation a few weeks ago & sat at a beer bar (in a whole foods) to sneak in a drink and since they only had beer, I didn't even pick the one I thought I'd like the most, I picked the one on the board with the highest alcohol %....why am I still trying to fight being an alcoholic....duh!
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