Learn2Live

Everytime I have spoken with AXBF's family members since he walked out on me (which has been only a handful of times) I feel so very anxious and feel like I am going to just flip the F out. Because it seems they are in complete and utter denial. They think AXBF's behavior is simply a lack of communication with me. Like all of what has been going on is completely normal and he is "just moving forward in his life." I want to just scream!! Nevermind his 30+ year drug and alcohol addicted history! Nevermind that he lied to me, cheated on me, and kept me in the dark about his moving out and pretended that everything was fine! Hello!!!! Am I insane? They think he needs to "grow up." What am I, making this up? Did I not just spend the last few years of my life living with an insane person, surrounded by more drama, chaos, confusion, and angst than all the alcoholics and addicts I have previously lived with put together??? Somebody please tell me something.

LifeRecovery

You are not alone. I experienced this also. My exMIL told me that my husband's best friend had a drinking problem. The next sentence was about my husband's behavior while around this friend (hint he consumed a lot of alcohol). She concluded the discussion with she did not think my husband had a problem, not like his friend.

The only thing that has save my sanity (besides not interacting) is remembering how long it took me to get my head out of my codependency butt....

pixilation

Yep, xmil thinks i should have supported him more, not been upset about his first dui, etc.

chronsweet

I'll add to this, my A's mom thinks that he has a problem and everyone just needs to love him and support him until we can get him into a program that he needs. She tries to get his brother to get him to AA meetings, usually he makes an excuse not to go, she says he is just a sweet person and can't understand my angst over raising a child in this situation. When told that A left his son alone in the home unattended, her response was, "Oh I talked to him about that and told him that wasn't good." REALLY? She is in a delusional state of denial. Let her pay his rent after he gets fired from the job we share for having to call in sick due to being arrested for strangling me. I actually hope he doesn't get fired so he can help pay for child support/daycare, but I am NOT going to try to handle the situation for him. His choices have consequences. This is an adult world we live in.

Learn2Live

The man has been to JAIL for all kinds of alcohol and drug related offenses. Assault, domestic violence, open container, etc and all they can do is judge the XW. Like he is this little innocent boy and the XW is this evil, POS drug addict. They paid all this money for his defense on the DV charge and the XW agreed not to testify, so he was found innocent. Honestly, I'm beginning to think he lied to his family and told them he did not do it but in reality did. Not that it matters now.

amy79

And of course WE'RE the unreasonable ones. My MIL said "well he tried it your way and it didn't work for him". My way? You mean just not drinking in the house? How frigging hard is that?! The kids don't need to see their father stumbling around, throwing food around, giggling about nothing and wonder what is wrong with daddy. Grrr

pixilation

Xmil bailed stbx out of jail, both times. "it was the right thing to do" she said.

Amber23

yeah I was just thinking about my inlaws! I believe my inlaws just don't want to know.

It affects their plans and upsets the control they have set in their life. They like things their way. My MIL didn't seem to believe me when I told her AH has been an alcoholic for the 13 years I have known him. Her response was Why did I marry him then?....As if it couldn't have been that bad if I married him. I told her that everyone else thinks he can "just stop", why wouldn't I think that?

His mother told him how well he hid it all these years.....seriously??

A DUI she bailed him out of 10 years ago, and then losing his job, house etc due to the alcoholism 7 years ago? Plus the many holiday/family dinners he would get drunk....etc etc. She had an alcoholic mother, was she really that blind? Geez I can pick out an alcoholic in a supermarket line and I didn't grow up in it!

Awhile back they saw him drinking Beam out of the trunk of the car once. They asked me about his drinking and I filled her in.....they didn't say anything for 9 months!! I think it just didn't make it to the to ten priorities in their life.


Meanwhile they have lots of opinions on what I should do (very enabling) and yet they are all a safe distance from this train wreck. I have felt so dismissed and slightly disrespected.

Sorry to digress into my story.....just commiserating