Relapse and Employment
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 349
Relapse and Employment
Hello All! In my effort to learn all that I can about addiction and recovery, I've been spending a lot of time reading through as many threads as I can on SR. I noticed in quite a few postings, the mention of our RAS/D in the 20-22 age range relapsing after gaining full time employment. I'm trying to gain a better understanding of that situation. After rewinding my mind about my RAS, i realized after each recovery of roughly two months, and finding a new job he relapsed. Was it the money he now had from the new job, was it the fear of working a new job without drugs, was it the low self esteem? I don't know but I'm scared. My RAS has 100 days clean and is possibly closing in on a new job. Just was wondering what some of you out there thought. On an aside note, I just want to say how grateful I am for all the members of SR who post here. When I first started out here, my learning curve was quite steep. But thanks to many members, posting about their sons, daughters and loved ones, I have been educated very quickly and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart and with every thread of my being. I don't know what I would have done without all your knowledge and wisdom!
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 720
I am happy to share my thoughts and experience around your question which I think is a very good one. My AS was a student when he went to rehab. After coming out he was very focused on going back to school.....even though everyone was counseling him against that. What he wanted to do was go to school, live in an apt by himself, get a job, go to a therapist and attend meetings. So...we supported that with one exception. The one thing we told him was that he could not add getting a job to that equation. Something had to give and his dad and I thought that as long as he was working all of the other elements of recovery we would support him; we wanted to allow him to focus on his sobriety above everything else. It has worked out just fine so far.....we are now about 7 months in and are going to revist the situation in the next month. Probably time to shift more financial responsibility onto his shoulders.....he is ready to manage that now. In the beginning we looked at the additional support as more therapy. Keep in mind that you need to see positive results.....or proof of the work.....in whatever way makes sense to your situation. Don't write a blank check......
Best to you!
Maybe to add....I pay all of his basic expenses directly ....rent, insurance, tuition. Giving him a monthly amount to manage food and utilities....with a little discretionary spending. I try very hard to make sure he has enough for necessities and not enough to abuse.......
Best to you!
Maybe to add....I pay all of his basic expenses directly ....rent, insurance, tuition. Giving him a monthly amount to manage food and utilities....with a little discretionary spending. I try very hard to make sure he has enough for necessities and not enough to abuse.......
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 213
Hi all,
let me say that my sons relapses have occured with and without jobs, yes I think there is a big issue with self esteem at least with my AS, yhou know I read somewhere that addicts if they start some kind of recovery in there 20's by the time they are in there 30's they should be somewhat recovered thats about how long it takes give or take for them to understand and get a grip on there addiction and well the ones that dont recover we all know where they end up, take care
let me say that my sons relapses have occured with and without jobs, yes I think there is a big issue with self esteem at least with my AS, yhou know I read somewhere that addicts if they start some kind of recovery in there 20's by the time they are in there 30's they should be somewhat recovered thats about how long it takes give or take for them to understand and get a grip on there addiction and well the ones that dont recover we all know where they end up, take care
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 720
I am not a big fan of statistics or fatalistic prognosis. Each addict has their own life course to follow and as much as we want to control what that is we need to leave them to it. In all respect to the poster I don't think there is an age range for recovery or realization. Recovery can happen at any age......collapse can happen at any age. I don't think there is a magical cut off where we should write people off.
As witnesses to addiction we decide what we are willing to support, how much we are going to participate and what our role in recovery is going to be. Ultimately we decide what we need to do to sustain our lives and our families. That is the best we can do. The addict will also do the best they can do in recovery.....We need to step back and respect the process......
As witnesses to addiction we decide what we are willing to support, how much we are going to participate and what our role in recovery is going to be. Ultimately we decide what we need to do to sustain our lives and our families. That is the best we can do. The addict will also do the best they can do in recovery.....We need to step back and respect the process......
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: In a better place
Posts: 282
From my experience with my RAS (21, IV heroin), employment has always been problematic in one way or another. He has worked at some job, whether walking dogs or pumping gas or mowing lawns (teenage years when drug use was--as far as I know, and as far as tests in psyche facility showed--confined to marijuana) ever since he was old enough to be employed in some capacity.
When he turned 18 (and problems escalated), he worked with his father in a very well-paying position, which gave him plenty of money. Call me crazy, but maybe if he had been required to pay some sort of room and board, and pay for the fines he owed (instead of his father paying them off), and attorney's fees and court fees, and car insurance, etc. etc.--normal things that normal young people are usually required to pay for by their normal parents--he would not have had as much ready cash to spend.
So, yes. I think that employment can present challenges for young adult addicts in recovery, but not just because it is a source of money. It can also be anxiety about entering the "land of the living," it can even be a sudden and unfamiliar sense of accomplishment that seduces them into thinking they're "cured," everything's good now, no need to be vigilant about their recovery.
Many young adults without addiction to deal with struggle to mature and make their way in the world. It shouldn't be surprising--or even all that discouraging--to see young adult addicts stumbling and falling as they attempt to enter the stream of "normal" life.
As a mother, I want all of my children to tackle life's obstacles with as much health and strength as possible. But addicts are traveling a different and frighteningly dangerous path. I wouldn't have chosen it for my son, but no one asked me, so I accept it for what it is. And if you listen to alcoholics and addicts in recovery, most if not all will tell you that the things they have learned and discovered as a result of their addictions are worth all the pain and anguish.
That being said, your fears for your son are perfectly understandable. I harbor them for my own as he again begins to talk about jobs, college, etc. I can do nothing but trust God to guide me as a mother, especially since I have two younger sons just beginning to navigate the teen years.
Wishing you peace and your beloved son everything he needs to grow strong and well.
When he turned 18 (and problems escalated), he worked with his father in a very well-paying position, which gave him plenty of money. Call me crazy, but maybe if he had been required to pay some sort of room and board, and pay for the fines he owed (instead of his father paying them off), and attorney's fees and court fees, and car insurance, etc. etc.--normal things that normal young people are usually required to pay for by their normal parents--he would not have had as much ready cash to spend.
So, yes. I think that employment can present challenges for young adult addicts in recovery, but not just because it is a source of money. It can also be anxiety about entering the "land of the living," it can even be a sudden and unfamiliar sense of accomplishment that seduces them into thinking they're "cured," everything's good now, no need to be vigilant about their recovery.
Many young adults without addiction to deal with struggle to mature and make their way in the world. It shouldn't be surprising--or even all that discouraging--to see young adult addicts stumbling and falling as they attempt to enter the stream of "normal" life.
As a mother, I want all of my children to tackle life's obstacles with as much health and strength as possible. But addicts are traveling a different and frighteningly dangerous path. I wouldn't have chosen it for my son, but no one asked me, so I accept it for what it is. And if you listen to alcoholics and addicts in recovery, most if not all will tell you that the things they have learned and discovered as a result of their addictions are worth all the pain and anguish.
That being said, your fears for your son are perfectly understandable. I harbor them for my own as he again begins to talk about jobs, college, etc. I can do nothing but trust God to guide me as a mother, especially since I have two younger sons just beginning to navigate the teen years.
Wishing you peace and your beloved son everything he needs to grow strong and well.
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