khgmr63

Hi..I will be sober 2 weeks Monday.I have a question and also a gripe..My question is sinceI am new to recovery am I not seeing the whole picture..I am not sure if I was an alcoholic or just liked to drink? But is that not what an alcoholic is? I drank 6 to 18 beers daily and binged on the weekends..I am satisfied I am an alcoholic in my own mind.......I had night sweats etc for first few days foggy head etc...But so far so good....My gripe is I know AA members personally and have read these forums here a lot. Lot of AA members seem pushy about AA.I call them Big Book thumpers..Its either come to a meeting or there is no hope you will start drinking..Or you just havent hit rock bottom.Then they.ask me my plan for sobriety etc..I just dont get it ...What worked for you may not work for me vice versa..Then some of them seem disgusted some people can quit without working 12 steps they say there is more to Alcoholism than drinking..Just so doom and gloom.They talked to me before I quit drinking and I was almost convinced I had to go to meetings to get sober..I was like holy s@@@ if I have to go do all these steps and to all these meetings Ill just keep drinking...And now when I see them in public its almost like they feel sorry for me until they dont smell alcohol on me..then some lf them almost act pisse off I have succeeded this far without them...Please enlighten me on this subject

aeo1313

Do whatever you got to do to get and stay sober.

Dee74

If AA's not your thing, it's not working for you, or many people there annoy you, there's many many alternatives khgmr63

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

Welcome to SR

D

HarleyDaddy

I'm not going to AA or any other meetings either. My crazy schedule won't allow for it. I'm 8 days in and doing fine. Of course, there are a LOT of alcoholics in my industry. And a lot of recovering ones as well. So we talk here and there. Perhaps that is my own form of group therapy...i dunno.

IndaMiricale

I am a AAer but if you dont want to use it dont. Does not hurt my feelings.

Awesome on two weeks and keep rolling, but it is more than just counting how many days you dont drink. Keep coming and posting , and telling us your changes.

awuh1

I go to AA and it was the only thing that worked for me, but that does not mean it’s got to be that way for anyone else. I could sometimes (though rarely) go months without a drink. Eventually however, I was right back where I started. I think a lot of folks in AA had that same sort of experience, so they are somewhat skeptical of other methods, including “willpower”. If a way other than AA works long term for you, that’s great, more power to ya. The skepticism from the AA people comes from their experience, so try not to be too hard on them. Perhaps you’ll end up changing their opinions with your success.

zanzibar

AA was never my thing. I tried it. I never had the impression that AA members were pushy though. It's something that works for them, and they want to help that's all. I have never been hounded by a member once I told them I wasn't interested, and even though it didn't work for me, it clearly does a lot of good. I think most here will tell you, that there's a lot of methods out there, you have to follow what works for you. Something that I did take away from AA was, one day at a time, and that has served me well for a considerable amount of time and have no intention of changing it. I hope you find your path.

breath

I haven't seen any posts from people with long term sobriety(1yr+) on this thread. So hear I go; AA or not, my opinion is staying sober on one's own is nigh impossible. AA provides me the support and fellowship to do so.

Dee74

Just a reminder, guys

I've removed some posts under this guideline.

If anyone wants to repost keeping this guideline in mind you're more than welcome

.5 years and counting, with thanks to SR

First and last warning: if we cant treat all recovery methods with respect I'll close the thread.

It's quite simple...if one method isn't working for you? try another.
Everyone here wants to see everyone else succeed in this

D

zanzibar

What am I chopped liver?LOL I turned 14 two days ago.

khgmr63

Heck Dee I didnt mean to stir anything up was just asking about what I have witnessed personally not on here...I just am going to keep plugging along a day at a time doing what I need to do to stay sober and enjoy life...I have decided there are a@@holes everywhere..Some are in AA some are in churches some are at work etc...But some people baffle me with their egos..Then tell mine is what makes me drink.......

Rotator2

AA members that push the program are doing the complete opposite of what the program outlines. All 12 step programs are a program of "suggestion" and being a sober "example" of recovery.

Here are my suggestions for finding a sponsor. Get three phone numbers from a AA members that you heard and liked their sober share. When you call them ask if they're avail to sponsor and how do they sponsor...what would they want you to do? So, you end up intervewing an AA member to become their sponsee.

What the program outlines for sponsoring another member is nothing and that's the problem. The Big Book does not have a chapter on "sponsoring" but they do have a chapter or section on "working with others" and it's all in there. It very carefully outlines how we approach another addict, NOT to lecture, sell, push, control, etc.

The ideal sponsor does not manage your life, they simply help guide you through the steps and give 'suggestions" and give you a simple format that is suggested for a path of recovery. The problem is unconscious codependency tends to dominate 12 step members and they either want to rescue, save and control you or lean on you untill you break. Codependency is very active in addicts and trespasses spiritual boundaries and creates chaos, emotional pain and confusion. Basically,stay away from the control freaks. I found the best sponsors are a little aloof and let your willingness set the pace for your own recovery.

khgmr63

Rotator2...That answered my original post perfectly..I have met both types that are in AA but being human..I let the nosey and pushy ones keep me away from the ones that are really nice people..That post you just made helped me tremendously ...Thank You

Dee74

no worries khgmr63
just reminding folks of the rules

welcome to the posting side Rotator2

D

MemphisBlues

There are many paths to sobriety, and although I do AA, I steer clear of any who say AA is the only way.

On the topic of thumpers, no one who really gets the program of AA would tell you that meetings are the only way to get sobriety, but they would tell you that working the steps is a solid road to becoming a person who no longer has the obsession to drink.

Congrats on your two weeks. And SR is a great way to stay in touch with those trudging the road, and for those who have obtained lasting sobriety. There's a lot to be said for face-to-face, or digital-to-digital support.

As far as meetings go, they were imperative to my initial recovery. I hit a few a week now, but in early recovery -- well, I mean after three months of abstaining and finally being able to walk a straight line -- meetings introduced me to dozens of people who for no reason in the world wanted to help me. They mumbled silly things like, "Hey...you keep me sober."

imaquitter

Well I look at it like this: I drank for almost the entire past 2 decades alone so if I'm going to quit drinking it may as well be alone as well. So far, so good. It seems to be working fine and to be honest being around a bunch of drunks who have it worse than I do might just tempt me to start back up drinking again. It may actually answer why I never could stop during my 20 years in the US Navy, lots of people were worse, so why bother? Hell, I didn't even stand out in that crowd. It was only after leaving it and not being around other drunks that I realized how screwed up I was.

If anything I'd go try to be closer to my family or make friends with other people who don't remind me of those drinking days. I feel no need to reminisce about it with other former or wannabe former drunks. Removing alcohol from my life entirely seems to work. Just my 2c.

yeahgr8

Anyone who drinks to the quantity that we have done isn't "right in the head"...so take one of these people and offer them a solution, a glimmer of hope, that is seemingly based on helping another alcoholic and they are going to really embrace it and want to help what they see was them, i.e in this case YOU...

I got sober in AA, 3 years ago, and i couldn't care less if you go to AA or not...nor whether you make the choice to remain sober or drink...

If you came up to me and asked for my help in the rooms or in the street then i would do everything in my power to help you, a fellow drunk, but my days of chasing drunks are long gone...

I do hope you get and stay sober though, whilst i am writing this, and hope this shows that not all members of AA are the same.

Just stop drinking?!

jobei

If you can quit without AA then do it. If not then you may want to try doing what other recovered alcoholics suggest... whether it's AA or another recovery method.

wpainterw

What seems to happen in these situations may illustrate how dependent alcoholics like us have become. Obviously we became dependent on alcohol. Then, if we joined AA, some of us may have become dependent on that. This makes sense if we believed we needed AA for our recovery. So, having become dependent on AA, some folks feel threatened and insecure if a newcomer starts to question some of aspects of the program. Some "circle the wagons" and greet the newcomer with an "all or nothing at all" approach, asserting that a person has to accept all the aspects of AA, as they interpret them, or continue being a hopeless drunk. To the extent that this happens it may be inconsistent with some of the valuable foundations of AA itself, namely that the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking, that all the steps are voluntary, that no one is compelled to do it just one way. Maybe the only other essential requirements are the need to develop humility, and to cultivate a love and concern for those who have suffered and who may continue to suffer. To reach out a helping hand to someone who may be going under for the third time, and to say, "Anything I can do to help? There may be many roads up the mountain. I have taken one of them. You may take that path or find some other way but may we all meet at the top and bring some sunlight into our lives!"

W.

MrsKing

I don't think it's impossible. I have been sober almost 4 months so I haven't yet got 'long term sobriety' but I know that I will never drink again and I am happy about this... I believe 100% that I can do it.

I have SR, that's enough for me.